I found the pin below on Pinterest today. I thought I would share an answer per day on Facebook, but then, life inevitably gets in the way. It will be tackled in the near future. But fir now, I will use it for my journal entries. I hope to revisit this page in a few years. See how my outlook, and perspective have changed. The topics can also be used for journal entries. Enjoy. Some ideas are too good not to share. 
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
At my age, you would think I have been there. Done it. Got my sticker. Moved on. Not so. You fall into the habit of trying to fix people. Depending on the nature of the relationship, your entire life can easily be consumed with it. You plod on, totally oblivious to the pitfalls and dangers. The result? A bucket load of emotional angst and heartache, of unimaginable proportions. We waste precious time, only to us, in the moment, it isn’t wasted. We con ourselves into thinking, and believing, there is light at the end of the tunnel. In some instances, there is, but not the one you might think of.
Next year, I will be celebrating a huge milestone in my life. As this one slowly draws to a close. I can honestly say, with the utmost conviction, that you and I, cannot change people. We can’t, and we won’t. Sure, we can waste years, even lifetimes, deceiving ourselves into thinking we can. Perhaps, if we show them more love, change ourselves, sacrifice, work tirelessly, pray harder, and every conceivable act, change will come. While, some progress might be visible, it won’t be the effectual and significant change we hoped for.
“People often change for two reasons: either you’ve learned enough that you want to change, or you’ve been hurt enough that you need to”. – Nishan Panwar. So what to do? Change yourself. Love yourself. Move on. Realise you deserve more. Accept the fact that, we teach people how to treat us. And what you put up with, is what will continue. The only person you can change is yourself, and once you realise this, you will be liberated.
Please know, when people show you who they really are, believe them. While you can’t change people, you must either accept them or let them go. Friends, if you haven’t gotten to this stage in life yet, be patient, you will. It simply means, there are more lessons for you to learn. You will have an epiphany. I promise you, it will be one of the most self actualising moments of your entire life.
Until then, go in love and light. Try your best to enjoy the journey. We only have one.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
A friend, very dear to my heart, forwarded me this sweet, beautiful caveat of inspiration recently. I had to post it on my blog. Thank you Anne. Love you dearly!
At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.
Others will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey.
Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
He pulled me gently towards him. Instinctively. I buried my face in his chest. A rich, alluring scent flirted with my senses. Obsession. By CK. He dwarfed me. By almost a foot. I felt protected. Cradled in his warm embrace. Finally we drew back. We needed to breathe. Independently. Our hands remained loosely wrapped around each other. My eyes travelled upwards. And clashed with his heated gaze. A gamut of indescribable emotions assaulted me. My pulse quickened. Could he feel my heart doing somersaults in my chest? My eyes. I’ve been told. Are very expressive. Right now. I hope that’s the case. I hope he saw how much I love him. How much I appreciate his kindness. The gentle way he responds to my needs. I’m overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Our gazes lock.Time is suspended. To my dismay, my throat constricts. And tears moistened my lashes. In an effort to keep them at bay, I blinked rapidly. And cleared my throat. I failed. Miserably. A traitorous tear trickled down my cheek. Followed by another. Causing a cloud of worry to flitter across his features. He was trying to understand.
An eternity passed. Finally, I opened my mouth to give a cheeky explanation. Then snapped it shut. Because a look of pure joy lit up his face. He knew. And I knew. He knew. Without breaking eye contact. He lightly caressed my cheek. And used his thumb, to gently brush my tears away. Undone by his touch. All I could do was give a weak smile. He returned it. His gaze became heated again. I felt a familiar weakness beginning to build in my stomach. I knew what was coming. The corners of his mouth drew slightly upward. His hands framed my face. And brought it closer to his. I couldn’t resist. Did not want to. I looked down for a second. That’s when I felt warm lips touch my forehead. And my nose. Then nothing. I looked up. Quickly. For I missed the contact. Our eyes found one another again. I smiled. Our breaths mingled. A sigh escaped me. At least I thought it was mine. It was the last thing I remembered. Right before I closed my eyes. And raised my lips to meet his. They met. Gentle, and tentative at first. Then became more fevered. The weak feeling intensified. Then I remembered. Just like the first. “It’s” in his kiss.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
…Polyester, and I don’t regret one minute of it. It was wonderful.
Live. Love. Laugh. No excuses. No regrets.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
Every once in a while. You meet a kindred spirit.With whom you share an incredibly rare and special bond. You savour the tender moments. Because. Life is precious. Fragile. And these are the moments. Which make it beautiful. There is a sense of profound gratitude. That is was the Lord’s design. To have your paths cross. Sadly though. They either stay in our lives forever. Or leave. Of course, your heart breaks. But. You know. After one season is another. And some things change. While others remain the same.
I also know. Despite everything. The time will come. When my teeth are in a cup. Eyes on the shelf. Ears in the drawer. Memories come in spurts. One foot in the grave. I’ll ask someone to read me this post. Dedicated to this kindred spirit. Who I’ll never forget. It’s astounding how much we’ve shared. And trusted each other with . With you, I’m not afraid to bare my soul. Because. There is no judgment. It comes naturally.
This post is to thank you. For supporting me. Through some very dark days. For being a part of my life. And everything you brought to it. The intellectual conversations. Laughter. Caring. Support. Incredible acts of kindness. Sacrifices. Every other good deed. And thought. Which has enriched my life. I am grateful. Always will be.
I chose not to name you in this post. But. When you read it. You will recognize yourself. Immediately. Wherever life takes us. Regardless of what the future holds. I know we have reserved a place in our hearts. For each other. For special memories. Shared by two people. Who knew. How it felt. To have someone accept you.Unconditionally. Wherever you go. Whatever you do. Be happy.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan.
Christopher Columbus once said “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”. The “shore” we often need to cross is saying “goodbye and good luck” to the person we once loved. Dearly. I love J. Krishnamurti’s definition of a relationship. To date, he has provided the most concise description I’ve come across. He said “a relationship is an interconnected challenge and response between two people, one which creates a society, it is also the awareness of the interconnection between the two people, communion without fear, freedom to understand each other, to communicate directly”. Try breaking that down!
Chances are you saw it coming. Instead of talking to one another. You talked at each other. The undoubtedly strong connection you once felt? Evaporated. The incredibly rare level of understanding? Well, we all make mistakes. I cannot, in all good conscience, pen this piece without reflecting on my relationship shortcomings. The times I held on. For too long. Loved the wrong person. For all the wrong reasons. Gave too much. Until there was nothing left. Well, here I am. I survived. And you will too.
You’ve done the same too . Sacrificed. Stuck by them. Loved them. Forgave ills. You know.The stuff Lifetime movies are made of. Now, it’s time to say thank you for the lessons.Good times. The beautiful intimacies. Experiences. And tell them goodbye. But wish them good luck. Beware.The temptation to hold on a little longer. Rationalize. And find reasons to stay. Can be incredibly strong. But, in your heart. You know, there is nothing left. To fight for.
There are signs you should move on. For instance, if you find yourself waiting for the person to change. Or doing the unthinkable. And try to change them. If the relationship brings more pain than joy. You address the same issues over and over. You’ve mistakenly convinced yourself, you can “save” the person. You’re justifying actions. Existing on past memories. Instead of making new, happy ones. Or you just know. Click here for a few more. I’m no relationship expert. By any stretch of the imagination. These signs are experiences from my life. And the lives of friends and family.
Krishnamurti also said: “Relationship is self-revelation; it is because we do not want to be revealed to ourselves that we hide in comfort, and then the relationship loses its extraordinary depth, significance and beauty. Relationship is really a process of self-revelation, which is a process of self-knowledge, in that revelation there are many unpleasant things, disquieting uncomfortable thoughts and activities.” The end of any relationship presents the opportunity to look at ourselves. Admit we’ve played a part in it’s demise. A time to become more intimate, and familiar, with our needs and desires. To promise ourselves better. And keep that promise.
Parting ways, especially after a LTR can be distressing. Challenging. Painful. Unfortunately, this is the risk we all take. When we invite another imperfect mortal into our lives. Sometimes, it’s helpful to consider the alternative. Of remaining in the relationship. That’s been spinning in mud. The alternative of wasting time. And resources. On something that’s no longer working. Of holding onto a closed-door so tightly, we cannot see the one opening before us. Beckoning. It takes courage. Heart. And backbone.To finally look at the person you once loved. So much. And say with conviction and meaning: “Goodbye and Good luck”.
While you’re working up the nerve. Keep this in mind: “One day, you will look back on it and smile. Because it was life. And you decided to”. If any part of this post relates to you.I wish you luck in the decisions you have to make.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
At the ripe age of 30 sumthin’, life has taught me valuable lessons. Some were harsh and unforgiving. While others were beautiful and lasting. Yea, I know what you are thinking; did she say 30 sumthin? Yep. Sure did. I know. Don’t look it. Thank heavens for good genes. Lmao. Through it all, like anyone else, I have laughed. Cried. Been driven to anger. And desperation.Denied some were happening. Loved. Lost. Begged for forgiveness. Persevered. Overcame. The entire lot. I can’t imagine what the next few decades will bring my way. Permit me to share some bits with you.
1) No one can take the place of family, but some people come pretty close.
2) You can’t change people. And some people will never change.
3) Sometimes, you have to stop waiting for the perfect moment(s) and take the risk.
4) People will let you down. They are only human.
5) Things always look better the next morning.
6) The only person you should compare yourself to, is the person you used to be.
7) You cannot please everyone. Don’t bother trying.
8) Sometimes you have to lose to win.
9) Crying is NOT a sign of weakness. It actually cleanses the soul.
10) If you are stuck in one place, perhaps there is trouble ahead.
11) Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
12) Everyone makes mistakes. If it happens again, it’s a choice
13) Don’t judge, everyone is fighting a different battle.
14) We teach people how to treat us.
15) Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can come together
16) Today will never come again.
17) You know their name. Not their story.
18) In every heart, there is sorrow the eye can’t see
19)” When someone has a problem with you. It’s their problem. Not yours”.
20) Don’t change to impress anyone.
21) Tomorrow is not promised to us.
22) “Don’t take people for granted. No matter how much they love you, people get tired”
23) No matter how much you guard and protect your heart, you are still going to get hurt.
24) You cannot love another, until you love yourself.
25) You are fabulous! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
26) Try to live each day as if it was your last.
27) No matter how bad things look now, they will get better.
28) “No matter how much you revisit the past; there is nothing new to see”.
29) Everyone has skeletons in their closet.
30) It’s okay to ask for help.
31) No one can take your place in this universe.
32) If something is meant to be, it will always find a way.
33) Treat people how they could be.
34) If you walk away from a relationship and he/she does not chase you, keep walking.
35) “Everyone comes with baggage; find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack”
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
I follow Dr Kelly Flanagan’s blog Untangled. Good stuff. Apart from sharing the same career interests, he speaks with frankness. And honesty. I read Marriage Is For Losers with avid interest. Divorcées will recognize past mistakes. Married? Take mental notes. Single? Ponder habits and behaviors. After reading his post twice, I reflected on how we can lose in other situations. And still end up winning. More on that later.
We live in a viciously competitive world. Hundreds compete for the same job. Neighbors are trying desperately to keep up with the Jones’s. Before they refinance. In neighborhoods across America, people spend thousands trying to outshine each other with holiday decorations. Parents are entering toddlers (under 3) in beauty pageants. In the workplace the best and brightest (in most cases) get promoted. Sports injuries escalate during national championship games. Why? No one remembers second place. Or so we are led to believe. We live in a culture with an insatiable appetite for the best and brightest. Helpless to satisfy this hunger for success, society literally chews up and spits out the weakest among us.
Marriage is for Losers made sense. Too much, TBH. Personally, I want to lose in a marriage. I also want someone who puts my needs first. And vice versa. Think about it. If two people stop caring about winning. And place their spouse/partner’s happiness above their own, can you imagine the outcome? Can you even begin to fathom the level of happiness, fulfillment, and joy the couple will experience? Let’s expand this to other close relationships. And to a lesser extent, to other people, and situations.
Back to losing it. The media is notorious for sensationalizing acts of kindness. Honesty. Pure human decency. Often with good reason. We care less and less about others, and more and more about ourselves. About winning. Being first. We can change this. We can be winners, while losing. How so? Simple acts of kindness when we have nothing to gain. Swallowing our pride. Admitting fault, no matter how painful. Stop caring so much about how we appear to others. Apologize even when we are right. Forgive quickly. Putting another person first. For once. But wait, these are “loser” scenarios! That’s just my point. Losing to win.
Yes, we will lose. Time. Resources. And energies needed improve our own lives. Pride. Or the last vestiges of it. Selfish tendencies and desires. The temptation to look the other way. The need to win all the time. On the flip side, in losing these things, we will gain a lot more. A greater sense of self. Inner peace and fulfillment. The satisfaction of knowing we put someone else first. Often, it’s in the process of losing ourselves, where we find ourselves.
Pay no attention to snickering wet blankets who tease us for “losing all the time”. Heck, we might even be accused of being a “goody two shoes”!When we sacrifice to enable the growth of another, we don’t lose, we win. When we forgive readily and easily. We win. When we stop caring about looking foolish in the presence of others. We don’t lose, we win. When we compete and lose, yet cheer the winners. We win. When you and I rebel against the notion that winning is everything. We don’t lose. We win. That no one remembers second place. We win. In our selfless efforts to make the world a better place. We don’t lose. We win.
I know this post will not resonate with everyone. We’re all on different levels of spiritual growth and maturity. What’s natural for one,is painful for others. Be patient. Take small steps. Sometimes the destination is more important than the journey. Imagine for a minute, how the small corner of our universe would change if we lost more than we gained. But we ended up winning anyway.
Until the next post, what are we ready to lose today?
Best,
Juan
Chindeepinlife 