Give It Another Go!

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second-chances

Life is “awashed” with second chances. Every morning. With the dawn of a new day. It’s there for the taking. Some. Not every misstep can be fixed. However. Like yesterday. We got lucky. The heavens smiled on us. Blessing us. With another opportunity. To get it right. But. For millions all over the world. They’ve run out of second chances. Because. Sometime in the past twenty-four hours. They took their last breath. They won’t get a do-ever.

No need to dwell on the things we can’t change. Or the second chances we will never get. So. We are alive. What will we do with the second chances we’ve been given today? How will you and I approach correcting the wrongs? Offer or receive forgiveness. Apologizing for a harsh word. An unintended action. Which resulted in bruised feelings? The unspoken words to a partner. Spouse. Child. Friend. Coworker. And the sometimes elusive chance of finding lasting love.

We need to learn. If we have not already done so. To cherish these precious moments. Embrace them. Live for them. Make every second count. This past Friday, I experienced my “real” first blizzard. I said real. Because when I lived in Colchester, the blizzard was a drop in the bucket compared to this! I live in NE now. Never seen anything like this. Except on tele.

If you need further convincing. That every moment is precious. Every chance should be taken. Read on. As usual. Right after the storm has passed. People get to work. Clearing snow. Sadly. In Dorchester. A young boy was helping his father to do just that. The temperature was frigid. It became very cold. And uncomfortable for the young man. The father turned on their vehicle. To provide warmth and comfort. Sadly, the exhaust pipe was blocked. By more than three feet of snow. Carbon monoxide poisoning claimed the young man’s life. So many ifs. My point is. How many of us are given warnings of our last moments?

Yes. Often when we look around. There aren’t many reasons to be joyful. In the same vein. There are a lot of unhappy people in the world. Many are lost. Trying to find a way out of the darkness. Wandering aimlessly. With the weight of the world. Pressing heavily on delicate shoulders. We’ve been there too. Lost sight of the joy. We often forget that today. This moment. Is the opportunity for a do over. That many prayers have been answered. Hearts softened. And now. We’re face to face. With the joy and wonder. Of being able to do it all over again. Today is all we’ve got. It’s our second chance.

Until the next post..” We’re given second chances every day of our life. We don’t usually take them, but they’re there for the taking” Andrew M. Greeley.

Best,

Juan

Dear…

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Epiphany,

Can we please visit together more often? I need more. Of these. Auspicious encounters.

Sincerely. Me.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

I Wish You Enough.

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I blogged about many topics this past year. Some required a great deal of thought. While others came as I watched a story unfold. Spoke with friends. The rest? Personal experiences. If I had Twelve Wishes  was my last post in 2011. None of the personal wishes were granted. In all honesty, 2012 has been a very difficult year. As I’m sure it is for most of us. So. This year. I decided not to wish for anything. I’ll wait. To see. What 2013 brings. And remain hopeful for the best.

To all my friends. Supporters. Followers. I don’t personally know each of you. But. I appreciate your support. Comments (keep them coming). Love. And friendship. My life is better. Because you’re a part of it. I hope the year ahead. Brings you and your family many good things. I’d like to share one of my favourite stories with you. Whether or not you’ve read/heard it before. Please. Read it again. For 2013. I wish you. Enough.

“At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane’s departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, “I love you, I wish you enough.” She said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy.” They kissed good-bye and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied.

Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

“Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, ” he said.

“When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. “When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. “I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye.” He then began to sob and walked away.

For everyone who has touched my life in phenomenal ways. And to those. I’ve yet to meet. I hope you’ve had a memorable holiday. And for the years to come. I wish you enough.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

#growingupwithoutafatherfinalpost

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In April and May, I shared some experiences of what it was like. To grow up without a father. This is the last post focusing solely on the subject. In late 2009, we spoke for the first time. And finally met in April 2011. I don’t remember all the details of  the first conversation. But. I do remember the tumultuous emotions. The total. And utter. Loss for words. Disbelief. I thought for a moment, I was being pranked.

So. Why did it take so long? Simple. I was scared. Of the unknown. My own reaction. Or lack of it. What to expect. Finding out if we’d get along. Yes. A part of me was elated. Because my wish was finally being fulfilled. On the other hand. The fear. And trepidation I felt, far outweighed anything else. A few months before I left for the UK to pursue graduate studies. I decided the time was right. It was premature. Because I wasn’t. So. I backed off. Couldn’t do it. Didn’t have it in me. Whenever I thought about meeting him, fear unlike anything I’d never known, would seize me. It was asking too much.

When school let out for Easter break, I decided to do it. The flight was longest of my life. As I made it through security, and finally through the doors that would bring me face to face with him. I knew there was no turning back. I willed myself into being strong and brave. I reminded myself, one of my life’s wish was about to come true. That many people never get the opportunity. And I was one of the lucky ones. I walked over to him. We embraced. Officially introduced ourselves, and started chatting away.

As it turned out. The first meeting went better than I expected. I’m sure we both had expectations. The time flew by. In a blur. We got along great. I guess like any relationship. We floated around in the honeymoon stage. I finally learned the origins of certain physical and emotional characteristics. The highlight of the visit. Will stay with me forever: for the first time in my life. I got to spend a birthday with my father. I can’t describe the feelings. Even now. Words fail me.

Right now. There are huge learning curves. For both of us. Behaviours and mannerisms to get accustomed to. No relationship is easy. More so the one in which I find myself. How do you catch up on more than 30 years? I won’t get into the reasons why he wasn’t there. Never once inquired about my well-being. Or sought me out. I’ve listened to his explanations. And my mother’s. And I don’t accept either. IMO. Unless the parent is dead. There is NO excuse. None. For not being there for your children. But. It’s the way my life turned out. No more crying. I’ve done enough of it.

If you’re reading this. And you’ve had a similar experience. Or. You don’t know who your father is. I know your pain. I’ve lived it. I know what you’re going through. Have lived through. It doesn’t get any easier. As the days and years come and go. There is always a huge abyss. The hurt can be unbearable. I know. Like me. You have struggled with issues of abandonment. Feeling unwanted. Of not being good enough. Yet. It doesn’t have to control your life. You might never overcome it. But you can learn to live with it.

Men. If you’re a father. And there is a child somewhere. Wondering where you are. A child whose only wish for Christmas is to meet you. A child who prays every night for you to come. GET IT TOGETHER. If you grew up without a father. You could be the father you’ve never had. On a more personal note, if you’re a woman. I also know how it feels to choose the wrong men. Over and over. As if you’re searching for a “father” to replace the one you never had. To learn painful lessons in love. Partly because the critical father-daughter relationship foundation. Was never established. I also know. What it feels like to walk down the street. Make eye contact with someone. Look for some sign of recognition. And wonder : could that be him? My father?

But you carry on. Keep trying. Do whatever you can to heal. And forgive. In parting. I can finally say. I am free of this tremendous burden. Of putting a face to a name.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Guilty…

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Pleasures. That is. My definition: things I am powerless to say “no” to. I have an abnormally high level of them. So. Don’t judge me, cuz I sin differently than you 🙂 . I’m sharing a few. No particular order. I don’t like to use the phrase “guilty pleasures”. Because, they are things which make me happy. And gives pleasure. And I don’t feel a single ounce of guilt.

  • Eating Haagan Daas vanilla ice cream out of the container.
  • Checkers fries. By the bucket load.
  • Cuddling until I fall asleep.
  • Men with a wicked sense of humor.
  • Sleeping in late in the morning.
  • Being waited on by my significant other.
  • Spontaneous shopping sprees.
  • Staying in bed all day during bad weather.
  • Holding hands, and strolling through quaint villages.
  • All night pillow talk.
  • Dancing in the rain.
  • 800+ thread ct sheets.
  • Receiving “just because” gifts.
  • Listening to a man with a sexy voice.
  • Long, breathless kisses. With a partner who has perfected his craft.

Live. Love. Laugh. And be happy.”What’s my guilty pleasure? The thing is, I never feel guilty about pleasures” Tom Hiddleston

Best,

Juan.

Today.

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It’s. Going. To. Be. One. Wild. Ride. 🙂

Until the next post, enjoy this song. I never get tired of listening to it.

Best,

Juan

LIFE’S little MOMENTS

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Think kindly. Be patient. Smile often. Appreciate the special times. Discover new friends. Find old ones. Tell your friends and family you love them. Everyday. Feel with your heart. Forget the daily grind. Have faith. Keep growing. Be carefree. Look for blessings in the most unlikely places. Seek out miracles. Make them happen. Try not to worry. Give to others. Trust again. Pick some roses. Give them away. Make and keep a promise. Appreciate the rainbows. Stargaze. People watch. See beauty in the world around you. Work harder. Listen to the wise. Make an effort to understand. Make time for others. Laugh with heart. Spread happiness. Take a risk. Reach out to others. Let them in. Be gentle sometimes. Do something you’ve never done before. See a sunset. Give yourself a pat on the back. Dance in the rain. Listen to thunder. Revisit old memories. It’s okay to cry. Have joy in life. Dry someone’s tears. Learn from others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sing at the top of your lungs. Celebrate the moments in life. You wont always have them.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

A..

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…Successful relationship is a ton of work by two very flawed people who are committed to lower their expectations and dedicate themselves, in spite of their partner’s glaring faults, to going on a journey together. Anything less is probably not going to make it.”~ Scott Williams.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Life.Bottled.

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Recently. I was blessed. With a very tender experience. Spending time in the company of Susy. And her ridiculously adorable baby boy.What a sweet occasion. When I lived in Miami, Susy and I belong to a very close-knit group of friends. The first to become a parent. She is an awesome mom. I’m always moved. When I witness the love of a mother towards her baby. No doubt. I will have more tender moments. Because another one of us is getting married next year. Bring on the babies.

During one of the occasions I was left alone with Kai. I took a long, good look at him. As I gazed at his angelic face. I was reminded of the value and sanctity of life. Its the greatest expression of trust. By a loving Heavenly Father. Charging parents with the sacred and humble responsibility. To love. And care for his precious children. If you’re a parent reading this. Please. Dont take this responsibility lightly. I’m sure. On many days. It’s very overwhelming. Keep at it. The rewards are innumerable. They are YOURS. Given to you. For reasons. You might not know. Or understand. At this time.

Whenever I hold a baby. I get teased. “You’re a natural Juan”. “When are you going to have your own?”. “You need to get busy woman”. This time is no different. In the past. With youth on my side. I brushed aside the teasing. Now. I chalk it up to God’s will. Which is true. However, I rarely let on. That I’ve given the idea of parenthood a lot of thought. I mean. What will my child look like? Tall like me? As for personality traits. Which ones will dominate? Maybe a combination of both? How and where will we raise our child? Etc. My family is prone to twins. What if the father of my child is too? Naw…..

I don’t want a sports team. That’s a certainty. One pregnancy. Will cure me. However. For one reason or another. I’ve not been blessed with this sacred responsibility. Time will tell. Maybe one day. I will experience. The joy. Of knowing. What it means. To love someone more than life itself. In the meantime. I can live vicariously through my siblings. And friends. Right now though. I will continue to work on myself. I’m not there yet. But I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

#Goodbyelonelinesshellolife.

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Dear Loneliness,

Pardon the cliché. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m moving on. Took a lifetime. To get here.  In my defense, I was scared. Of letting go. I don’t remember how it started. When I shied away human companionship. Lost interest in hobbies. Manufactured excuses to stay on the couch. But. Something happened yesterday. I was drawn to a compelling image in the mirror. I stared. For a bit. But. There was no connection. With the person who once loved life. Found joy in the simplest things. Engaged in silly antics. It was a wake-up call.

For what it’s worth. Please. Don’t try to interfere in future relationships. Especially with fun. Laughter. Risk-taking. Joy. Hobbies. And dating. That’s a huge “no no”. You know where this is going. Because, you’ve listened to my ramblings long enough. I missed out on so much. Admittedly. You made it easy in the beginning. Typical relationship. With your seductive arguments. And clever persuasions. No more. Today, I rekindled relationships with a few old flames. You remember fun, don’t you? Laughter came too. And not to be outdone. Happiness…well you know the score. Crazy thing is, I almost didn’t show up. Because I was plagued by thoughts. Of the last time we were together. Besides. The weather was frigid. The  drive? Hellish. Taken together, I had the makings of a sound excuse. But. I knew if I stayed. It would the same old. Same old. Somehow, I managed.

Before I go. One last thing. Well, maybe two. Thank you. For showing me what I don’t want in a relationship. For reminding me, the small things count. For helping me to see, although I’m alone, I’m not lonely. Life is meant to be lived. With no regrets. No excuses. And for Pete’s sake. Please don’t visit any members of my family. Or anyone I know. And insinuate yourself into their lives. Because I will warn them about you. I’ll tell them loneliness is a choice. Explain how you enable patterns. Give a false sense of safety. And security. Then go in for the kill. Taking up precious time. In their heads. And lives. Then comes the fight. To get rid of you.

It might be difficult to plan a vacation for one. Or watch couples stroll hand in hand. Knowing they have each other. Go out dancing. Wake up to yet another Christmas. Alone. Be the newest member of my social networking group. Renew old friendships. Etc. But. It’s okay. I have to start somewhere. Maybe on said vacation, I will meet someone. We will dance. A lot. You catch my drift. I don’t expect an immediate transformation. Just the miracle of every new day. One thing. I do know. Is that. Anything is better. Than what we had.

Goodbye Loneliness.

Hello Life. I’ve missed thee.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan