…Successful relationship is a ton of work by two very flawed people who are committed to lower their expectations and dedicate themselves, in spite of their partner’s glaring faults, to going on a journey together. Anything less is probably not going to make it.”~ Scott Williams.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
Recently. I was blessed. With a very tender experience. Spending time in the company of Susy. And her ridiculously adorable baby boy.What a sweet occasion. When I lived in Miami, Susy and I belong to a very close-knit group of friends. The first to become a parent. She is an awesome mom. I’m always moved. When I witness the love of a mother towards her baby. No doubt. I will have more tender moments. Because another one of us is getting married next year. Bring on the babies.
During one of the occasions I was left alone with Kai. I took a long, good look at him. As I gazed at his angelic face. I was reminded of the value and sanctity of life. Its the greatest expression of trust. By a loving Heavenly Father. Charging parents with the sacred and humble responsibility. To love. And care for his precious children. If you’re a parent reading this. Please. Dont take this responsibility lightly. I’m sure. On many days. It’s very overwhelming. Keep at it. The rewards are innumerable. They are YOURS. Given to you. For reasons. You might not know. Or understand. At this time.
Whenever I hold a baby. I get teased. “You’re a natural Juan”. “When are you going to have your own?”. “You need to get busy woman”. This time is no different. In the past. With youth on my side. I brushed aside the teasing. Now. I chalk it up to God’s will. Which is true. However, I rarely let on. That I’ve given the idea of parenthood a lot of thought. I mean. What will my child look like? Tall like me? As for personality traits. Which ones will dominate? Maybe a combination of both? How and where will we raise our child? Etc. My family is prone to twins. What if the father of my child is too? Naw…..
I don’t want a sports team. That’s a certainty. One pregnancy. Will cure me. However. For one reason or another. I’ve not been blessed with this sacred responsibility. Time will tell. Maybe one day. I will experience. The joy. Of knowing. What it means. To love someone more than life itself. In the meantime. I can live vicariously through my siblings. And friends. Right now though. I will continue to work on myself. I’m not there yet. But I’m closer than I was yesterday.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
Dear Loneliness,
Pardon the cliché. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m moving on. Took a lifetime. To get here. In my defense, I was scared. Of letting go. I don’t remember how it started. When I shied away human companionship. Lost interest in hobbies. Manufactured excuses to stay on the couch. But. Something happened yesterday. I was drawn to a compelling image in the mirror. I stared. For a bit. But. There was no connection. With the person who once loved life. Found joy in the simplest things. Engaged in silly antics. It was a wake-up call.
For what it’s worth. Please. Don’t try to interfere in future relationships. Especially with fun. Laughter. Risk-taking. Joy. Hobbies. And dating. That’s a huge “no no”. You know where this is going. Because, you’ve listened to my ramblings long enough. I missed out on so much. Admittedly. You made it easy in the beginning. Typical relationship. With your seductive arguments. And clever persuasions. No more. Today, I rekindled relationships with a few old flames. You remember fun, don’t you? Laughter came too. And not to be outdone. Happiness…well you know the score. Crazy thing is, I almost didn’t show up. Because I was plagued by thoughts. Of the last time we were together. Besides. The weather was frigid. The drive? Hellish. Taken together, I had the makings of a sound excuse. But. I knew if I stayed. It would the same old. Same old. Somehow, I managed.
Before I go. One last thing. Well, maybe two. Thank you. For showing me what I don’t want in a relationship. For reminding me, the small things count. For helping me to see, although I’m alone, I’m not lonely. Life is meant to be lived. With no regrets. No excuses. And for Pete’s sake. Please don’t visit any members of my family. Or anyone I know. And insinuate yourself into their lives. Because I will warn them about you. I’ll tell them loneliness is a choice. Explain how you enable patterns. Give a false sense of safety. And security. Then go in for the kill. Taking up precious time. In their heads. And lives. Then comes the fight. To get rid of you.
It might be difficult to plan a vacation for one. Or watch couples stroll hand in hand. Knowing they have each other. Go out dancing. Wake up to yet another Christmas. Alone. Be the newest member of my social networking group. Renew old friendships. Etc. But. It’s okay. I have to start somewhere. Maybe on said vacation, I will meet someone. We will dance. A lot. You catch my drift. I don’t expect an immediate transformation. Just the miracle of every new day. One thing. I do know. Is that. Anything is better. Than what we had.
Goodbye Loneliness.
Hello Life. I’ve missed thee.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
When it seems the universe is conspiring against you? When nothing is going right in multiple areas of your life?
(1) You have a good cry. (2) Refuse to feel sorry for yourself. (3) And start over. Am I right?
It can’t last forever. And tomorrow is another day.
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
Yep. This piece is late. Just a bit. The London 2012 Olympics was spectacular. Well done Brits! Records fell. Pioneers blazed trails. Dreams came true. I cheered the winners. Cried with those who fell short. Bring on Rio.
Fave Olympic memories: Michael Phelps became the most decorated Olympian of all time. Sarah Attar is Saudi Arabia’s first female track and field athlete. The word “no” is not in Oscar Pistorius‘s vocabulary. He made history as the first double amputee to compete in the Olympics. Gabby Douglas is the first African-American to win two of gymnastics most coveted crown; gold in the all round and Individual event. Kayla Harrison overcame sexual abuse and other tragedies, to become the first US woman to win gold in Judo.
These athletes have received and will receive their fair share of praise. And sadly criticism. The court of public opinion is now in session. Enter the pundits. Acting as Judge. Jury. And frothing-at-the-mouth Prosecutor. Michael Phelps uses marijuana. Oscar has an unfair advantage over the other athletes. Gabby’s hair. And Attar? Sacrilegious!! I mean off with her head.
Each of us is an Olympian. No, we’re not competing on sports biggest state. We will not accept medals in front of millions of viewers. Forget about the endorsement deals. And victory parades. Furthermore, countries wont cheer for us. BUT. We’re working on something far more personally rewarding. We celebrate small victories many will never know about. Day by day. Hour by hour. We claw away at life. Putting one foot in front of the other. Simply because, we don’t have four more years to refocus. Train. Try again. No. Today is all we get. There are no do-over’s. Or second chances. To make things right.
Oscar Pistorius finished last in the relay . There was not an ounce of self-pity in his post race interview. He accomplished his goal. He won. Made history in the process. Disability is not inability. We need to be able to say we lost, but still made history. For ourselves! You and I might be far behind. Some have finished their leg of the race. Eons ago. The rest might be lapping us. Or so it seem. Our finish line might seem unattainable. It’s okay. All is well. It’s fine. We are running a race only we know how to finish. Because no one else can do it for us.
We are competing in our very own Olympic games now. This very moment. Every day. On our stage. Our terms. When we make the decision to “go for the gold”. It’s our gold. No one else’s. Because we are not in competition with anyone else. Just the man or woman in the mirror. There have been many false starts. Stops. Injuries. Losses. Wins. But. We keep fighting. Because we cannot lose sight of the prize. There is too much at stake.
Love this quote, by one of the greatest men ever to play basketball. Micheal Jordan :”I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Until the next post,
Best,
Juan
Recent events in life have propelled me to reflect on life and its many lessons. Occasionally, there is a need to remind myself of how precious life is. The need to cherish loved ones. Reach across the divide. To mend hearts. Homes. Lives. Again, writing is therapeutic for me. I write about things I struggle with. General observations. Experiences. And one day when I am brave enough, my “gethsemanes” .Writing provides perspective. Tutors me. Reminds me of my limitations. The need for change. And everyday learning.
Today’s post is about trials. Yep. Problems. Affliction. Adversity. Burden. Stumbling blocks. Add your own soubriquet. Question: what would we do differently if we got a “do over”? Would we avoid some friendships? Relationships? Job choices? Lifestyle? You name it. I wonder. Don’t you? But there is no “do over” is there? Nope. Just one chance. You will never see today’s date again. Think about it. Recently, my face book status read: “Sometimes life will slap you in the face, well today it punched me”. Some days are worse than others. Tugged in different directions. Feel battered and torn. No one is immune. Or exempted. Sorry. However, how we manage the trials might be the most telling story of all. Read on. See if you agree. Or disagree.
Some trials are more arduous than others. They pierce the soul much deeper. Some come as a result of another person’s agency. Others we bring on ourselves. There is no explanation for the rest. Whatever the cause, we should never lose perspective. Even when they sap our strength. Bring us to our knees. Force us to examine our life. To grow. Ponder our choices. And the choices of others. Are we supposed to learn from them? Depends on the nature of the trial. If the trial is a result of our own imprudent behavior, it goes without saying. Wait a minute. This path looks vaguely familiar. Different circumstances. Yes. But same lesson. What do you know?
Here is an example using procrastination. My own personal struggle. Let’s say I have a paper due in a few weeks. Yet I decide to play hide and seek with the time. As it always does, father time comes calling. The paper is due. Without fail, everything goes wrong. Everything. And no one can help. Pleadings fall on deaf ears. Here is one trial I could have avoided. Right? So I barely made the deadline. Am I still procrastinating? YES! Did I learn my lesson? Yes. No. Maybe. But I should. Until the next crisis that is.The point is, if the trail results from our own shortcomings. If everything is coming coming at us. We are doing something wrong. Time for a reality self check. Perhaps, there is no need to learn the same lessons over and over again.
If we are not learning anything from our trials, it is rather distressing. Trials should remind us of our severely limited capacities as human beings. Show us that we don’t have all the answers. Never have. Never will. They should stretch us. Mold us. Shape us. Make us better than we think we are. Perhaps another person caused the suffering. Maybe we did all we could. But we were blindsided. Careless. Lost sight of the goal. Whatever the situation. No one is perfect. People will disappoint us. Cause us grief. Pain. Worry. Stress. Anger. Sadness. Simply put, our faith in humanity will be tested. Hopefully, through it all, something good resulted. We learned a lesson. Applied it to our lives. And our future. Some trials are actually blessings in disguise. Huh! We just don’t realize it atm.
Being required to go endure multiple trials is not a reason to be bitter. Resentful. Hardhearted. Mean-spirited. Distrustful. Instead see the future for what it is. The future. It has hope. Promise. A life of its own. New beginnings. A word of caution though. When we suffer because of someone else, it seems reasonable to have trust issues. It might be difficult to open up. Building barriers appear inevitable. Defense mechanisms become appealing. But we can cope. We will. We have to. Consider the alternative. There is someone else with even greater struggles. The quadriplegic. The man or woman born blind. Deaf. Mute. Mentally retarded. The homeless. A tiny fraction of the problems you could have. But you don’t. We are truly blessed.We have more than we need. We are alive.
As I battle personal demons. Struggle through my own “Gethsemanes”. I am comforted by the fact that I am never, ever alone. Many people hold a special place in their hearts just for me. First and foremost: “The most powerful being in the universe is the father of my spirit!” Elder Utchdorf. Family. Friends. The quiet, unassuming ones in my corner. Rallying around me to succeed. To give it my best. My trials are my own. If I could not handle them, someone else would have them. Apply these same words to you. I pray that when trials do come. And they will. You and I can find the peace we desperately seek. Whatever our trials are this moment. Remember that we can be uplifted. Supported. Comforted. To know that we can do it. We have to. Giving up is not an option. “May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy”
Until the next post..
Best,
Juan
We’ve all felt the frustration and disappointment of putting off things we could have done today for tomorrow. A life-changing decision. Going the extra mile. Saying sorry. Visiting someone. Repairing a broken relationship. Expressing love. Asking for forgiveness. And yes, forgiving someone ~ the topic of today’s blog entry. Each new day presents yet another opportunity. Again, it’s wasted. We are not ready. Too hectic. It’s rather difficult. Sometimes, we simply don’t want to.
What happens when we are offended or hurt by someone? Actions that result in deep wounds. Emotional scars. Feelings of disenchantment. It’s happened to all of us. Be it real or imagined. A criticism from a family member or friend. We were deserted in an hour of need. A coworker or classmate tried to sabotage our efforts on a project. A betrayal of trust. A spouse, partner, or boyfriend cheated. A relationship was abusive. A careless driver totaled the car. A thief broke into our home, and stole our life’s work. A loan was never repaid. The list is infinite. We’ve felt the pain. Heartache. Anguish. The sting. The throbbing.
It is relatively simple to hold a grudge. Not as easy to let go. When someone hurts us, feelings of anger, perplexity, and despondency swiftly settle in. We dwell on them. They fester. We feel entitled. Justified. Anger is validated. The feelings gave way to grudges. Hostility. Thoughts of revenge. Negative feelings overshadow positive ones. We become swaddled by our own acrimony, and sense of evenhandedness. Grudge enters. Makes itself at home. Slowly stewing. Simmering. Waiting. Do we find a way for this unwelcomed guest to leave? Or do we treat it like water in the middle of a desert?
What does holding a grudge do for us? Has anyone ever benefitted by holding onto them? Let me know. Please. Instead, it invites bitterness into every new relationship and experience. Preventing us from enjoying the here and now. New relationships are shunned. It is a breeding ground for melancholy. Angst is cultivated. Bitterness, revenge, and justice receive continual nourishment.
If our tomorrow was cancelled, would we still be carrying a grudge? Refuse to forgive? Words such as pardon, end of blame, absolution, have been used to describe the act of forgiveness. It’s also the choice to let go of thoughts of vengeance, and feelings of animosity. Easier said than done. Incredibly difficult for some. Not all of us are ready to forgive. Others are downright unwilling to do so.
Forgiveness is power, not a weakness. It empowers both the giver and the receiver. Make the decision to not let anger, resentment, and misery rule your life. Yes, some things are much harder to forgive than others. But how long have you been holding onto that grudge? The bitterness? How much longer will the person, situation, or event control your life? Grudges hold us hostage. Limits our friendships and relationships. Opportunities. Being able to grow. To Learn. To trust.
Forgiving someone does not excuse or diminish the offense. Nor does it justify the act. Forgiveness is not easy. It is not an assurance of a reunion .Compromise. Ceasefire. Nor does it mean the offender will change. Or admit to wrong doing. Nevertheless, it does mean freedom. From a tortured soul. Anger. Pain. Resentment. Bitterness. The power to control your life and relationships.
We might be the one requiring forgiveness. It means recognizing our blunders and inadequacies as human beings. Owning up to our mistakes. Swallowing our pride. Asking someone to forgive us. Talk to someone about it. Write about it in your journal. Pray about it. Actively chose to forgive. It’s tempting to feel a sense of entitlement. Refuse to see yourself as a victim. Think about the time when you hurt someone. Was it easy for them to forgive you?
Peter came to Jesus and asked him how often he should forgive his brother who offended him. Was it seven times? In essence, the Lord responded “No, seventy times seven”. That is quite the tallying task if you ask me! Let’s hope that if tomorrow is cancelled, we are not carrying a grudge. I am not advocating burying our heads in the sand. Nor leaving ourselves vulnerable to hurt and pain. Know this; things have a way of taking care of themselves.
Writing is therapeutic for me. Many of the topics I blog about, are things I have either triumphed over, or still struggling with. In this way, I am responsible for changing my own life. Are there people that I need to forgive? A few. Am I working on it? Yes! How is the process? Difficult. Rewarding. Am I happy with the changes? Immensely!
If your tomorrow was cancelled, what would you do today? As for forgiveness, Paul Boese sums it up this way: “Forgiveness does not change the past, it enlarges the future”
This is my take, what’s yours?
Best,
Juan.
I just returned from a ten-day vacation in Boston, which included a weekend in NY, visiting family. There was one drawback. I did not get to see the friends I was hoping to see. I was sorely disappointed! In the weeks leading up to my departure, I found myself reliving my teenage years all over again. My gal pals and I were hanging out during lunch period. Talking. Laughing. Planning the next big social adventure. Yes, I was ready for the long-awaited mini-reunion. Reality inevitably returned. I learned one thing. People grow up. And grow apart. Ideals change. People are busy. Maybe 48 hours in the Big Apple was not enough time. Enough of the excuses. Some things are just not meant to be.
I celebrated my birthday during my trip. It was wonderful. Amazing. The English would call it brilliant. Fantastic. Emotional in more ways than one. One day I will find the strength and courage to explain why. I awoke to find some pretty neat gifts waiting for me downstairs, one of which was the entire series of Seinfeld~ my all-time favorite television show. The day was topped off with dinner with my father at Legal Seafood, followed by birthday cheers and cake at home with the family. This birthday is one I will never forget for as long as I live. I am eternally grateful for my family in Boston, who made it the truly remarkable day it was. I love you all.
Today’s blog is not a travel log of any sort. Coincidentally, as I struggled with choosing a proper theme, I was gently reminded it was Easter. The christian world is celebrating the resurrection of the Savior. It’s fitting to pen something along these lines. Christians view Good Friday as the darkest day in the world. Sometimes in life, every day is a “Friday”. We know that the Savior was resurrected on a Sunday. He triumphed over death. Sunday eventually came. For many of us, our “Sundays” are on the horizon. Maybe you’ve had more than a few.For others, it is Sunday somewhere.
Let me revisit a personal “Sunday” experience. At the tender age of 16, I graduated high school. However, there was no money for college. I had to find work. I faced many “Fridays”, as I realized that dreams of a college education were getting further and further away. Many moons later, as a working adult, I returned to school full-time. My “Sunday” would eventually come. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with a degree in Psychology. I love learning. I also knew that in a matter of years, a BSc degree will be looked on in the same way as a HSD. I yearned for more. Moreover, I wanted to study abroad. Many shook their heads at the thought. I was the recipient of many thoughtless remarks. Others rallied around me in support. I never lost sight of my dream. The Lord placed many people along my path to help me. Yet another “Sunday” came when this dream was realized. In 4 years I would complete two degrees. I share this accomplishment for one reason only. To reinforce that whatever you want in life, you can have it. You are the only person standing in your way. Tony Robbins said it this way “If you do what you’ve always done. You will get what you’ve always gotten” My “Sunday” came. Yours will too. You and I have many more Sundays to look forward to. We have to want it bad enough.
Perhaps, you have had many “Sundays”. Unfortunately, they slid quietly by. Or did they? They came in the form of small achievements. You left a dead-end job. Finally took a vacation. A troubled family member took a step in the right direction. You bought your first car. Got out of a toxic relationship. The journey took forever. However, your “Sunday” finally came. Sometimes, it is much easier to focus on the “Fridays” in our lives. Why? Because “Sunday” seem so far away.
No one is exempt from experiencing “Fridays”. Our character will be tested. The next challenge is already waiting. Sometimes we give up. Lose hope. Perhaps your most immediate “Friday” experience involve problems which seem insurmountable .You struggle each day with decisions you should make. Returning to school. Starting a business. Staying afloat financially. Pursuing a childhood dream. One that has lain dormant for years. You’re a master of excuses as to why it’s not the right time. Remember, they are your dreams. Not your parents.Siblings.Friends.Coworkers.No one. Yours. Moving to a different state or neighborhood. Getting out of a dead-end relationship. Doing what makes you happy for a change. When will your “Sunday” come? When will you make it happen?
Maybe today will be the day we start working toward our “Sundays”. Accept “Fridays” for what they are. Family will let us down. Friends will stop caring. People will walk in and out of our lives. We will experience some of the darkest days yet. Illness and death will affect us. Finances will be meager. Fear will often consume us. You name it. We are not immune to trials. Nevertheless, “Sunday” will come. Relationships will be rebuilt. Illnesses will be cured. We will find joy in each new day. Each of us will have our own, personal, rewarding “Sundays”. Here’s hoping that we get through the “Fridays”, so that we can enjoy the “Sundays” that will certainly come. We deserve it.
Here is one of my original poems. Enjoy!
HE KNOWS, HE IS THERE
When it seems as if no one cares. He knows, He is there.
All you have is wing and a prayer? He knows, He is there.
Had the worst day of your life? He knows, He is there.
When the home is filled with anger and strife. He knows, He is there.
A child has gone down the wrong path. He knows, He is there.
A light banter was taken to heart. He knows, He is there.
You want to give up and throw the towel in. He knows, He is there.
Feel beaten, blown about by the whirlwind? He Knows, He is there.
It’s hard to look for the blessings. He knows, He is there.
You have too many irons going. He knows, He is there.
No one even tries to understand. He knows, He is there.
The days when you are an army of one. He knows, He is there.
You almost lost your job today. He knows, He is there.
You may have to find some other way. He knows, He is there.
It’s an effort to get up in the morning. He knows, He is there.
When will things start changing? He knows, He is there.
The long-waited goal? It didn’t work out! He knows, He is there.
You’ve been forced to walk away, find another way out. He knows, He is there.
You need to formulate a new game plan, He knows, He is there.
At times like these, it’s hard to trust anyone, He knows, He is there.
A lifelong friend has let you down? He knows, He is there.
How do you move on from this one? He knows, He is there.
The days when it’s easier to quit. He knows, He is there.
He’s aware of everything, every bit and He knows, He is there
Juan Williams (2009)
Best!
Chindeepinlife 