Category: Support/Encouragement

My First Time

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My official Race for Life Number. I was giddy. With excitement. I literally ripped open the envelope. Scattered the contents on the bed. And stared. Minutes later, I was caressing the glossy paper. Then the most glorious smile lit up my entire face. For long moments. I dreamt. About the event. My first official 5K. I hope I will be ready. Can anyone ever be ready for their first event? Nah. Fools paradise 🙂

Why? Recently I dug out my vision board. I decided it was time to continue working on the dreams I once held. My accomplishments? Not too shabby.  There is still work to be done. Time to get my butt in gear. I always wanted to take part in a marathon. Maybe a few. But you gotta start somewhere. And work hard. A 5K is a good place . However,  I wanted to run for a cause. An event. Something to attach the memory. Decades from now.

Enter The Race For Life Bristol Muddy 5K event on July 7th 2014 at the Downs in Clifton. Sponsored by Cancer Research UK. This link  #justgiving takes you to my personal page. Yes, my fundraising goal is very ambitious. So if you can, please show your support. No amount is too small. Not to the people who will benefit. If we don’t dream big. Then we’re settling for mediocrity. I have started to slowly get back into the gym. And work my way into a local women’s running group. Trying to pace myself, and not rush things. As is my penchant. Heaven help me!

Why this charity? A year and a half ago, my 25-year-old cousin succumbed to the effects of lymphatic cancer. One of the drawbacks of living on an island, is limited access to good healthcare. You’re pretty much left up to the mercy and training of your local doctor. If your condition is serious. And you don’t have the resources, to seek better care in another country. Your goosed is cooked. Literally. Fast forward, by the time he was diagnosed there was only months to go. I am doing this to honour his memory. And raise money while I am at it.

My first marathon. Creating history. Writing my life story. Life is unpredictable. Filled with tragedies. But. Fortunately, amidst all this. Joy can be found. And if you can’t find it. Then create it! Doing what you want adds immense joy to your soul. I plan on doing a lot of things this year. And no doubt this event will feature prominently on the pages of my life. As the Brits would say : I am “chuffed to bits” to be doing this. Hopefully, this will be part of a legendary year for me.

What will this year bring you? I pray for the best. For you, your family, and the loved ones you hold close. I hope you go after what you want. With all the energy and fire of your soul. Do what makes you happy. Because one day, it can all be taken. Please remember how amazing you are. The essence that is you. There is no one in the world like you. No one can take your place in this world. Believe that. Go on. Be happy.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Feliz Ano Nuevo!

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Hello 2014. Happy New Year!

Nine days out. A new year. 2014. Snucked up on us. Ready. Or not. Each time a New Year dawns. So many things come in its wake. Expectations. Changes. Resolutions. New attitudes. Plans. New perspectives. A fresh start. Now is the time. To do just that. Some make resolutions. Others swing by their coat tails. Rolling with the punches as they come. Whatever you chose to do this year. I wish nothing but the best for you. And your loved ones. Go after what you want. With all the energy of your soul. Fight for it. Don’t give up. I intend to!

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

This Christmas.

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Who knew? Another Christmas is upon us. Like a thief in the night. It has literally crept up on us. So many things to get done. The stress of finding the perfect gift. For your loved ones. Especially the ones who have everything. There isn’t enough time in the day. We are literally stretching ourselves thin. The pressure is on. To be ready. For the day when Christians celebrate the birth of the Saviour.

I have truly fond memories of Christmas. Everything seemed to happen on Christmas Eve. The house was scrubbed from top to bottom. Every family member stayed up until stupid-o clock the next morning. Cooking. Baking. Hanging curtains. Hopefully new ones. Arranging doilies on cushions. Hanging decorations in the windows. Every neighbour kept an eye on each other’s house. Waiting to see whose house would end up looking the best. I loved the energy surrounding this day. As a result, it has always been the only holiday, I get truly excited for!

Living in the USA took some of the joys out of the tradition. Christmas has been exploited. Become commercialized. In recent times, I have felt a longing to change this. It’s natural to turn inward and focus on loved ones. And easily forget everyone else. Because our lives are so wrapped up in parties, gift giving, and every other celebration. This post is not to invoke guilt. Nor detract from the reasons we gather together at this time of year. It’s as a gentle reminder, to do something different next year. What that means for you. Is different for me.

This Christmas. I hope we spare a thought and prayer for those without family. Especially the people who call the cold, cruel streets their home. Before I volunteered at a shelter, like many, I had a stereotypical view of homeless people. I was humbled. Fast. Every situation is personal and different. And except for the very small number with mental issues, NO ONE chooses to be homeless. And before we appoint ourselves as armchair judgemental moralists, and voice our reasons. Don’t. We haven’t walked in their shoes. We don’t know their lives. Don’t know their pain. I know for a fact, many of them long to be somewhere else.

This Christmas while our kids are opening presents. I want us to think about the young girl or boy placed in foster care for the first time. The child who, due to no fault of their own, was born into a family that cannot take care of them. I lived with a foster-mother for years. I remembered days. And nights. When I wondered if my mom was ever coming to pick me up. Luckily for me. She did. For Christmas. But so many aren’t as fortunate. I want us to pray for the ones most afraid. Who won’t be getting any gifts this year. Furthermore, the children displaced by famine. Hunger. Political uprisings. Keep them in our thoughts.

This Christmas. I want us to keep in our thoughts. The people newly single. Whose hearts are heavy because their relationships broke down. The people who once entered relationships, with so much hope, trust, and enthusiasm. Only to watch it all come apart. Fast. I want us to think about how hard this Christmas will be for them. They once envisioned what the first Christmas tree would look like. The presents waiting under the tree. Fickle things. Yes. But like everything else, their dreams of a happily ever after have been squashed. They must begin the painful process of rebuilding. Recovering.

This Christmas. I want us to give thanks, and keep in our hearts the soldiers deployed overseas. Many of whom will be spending their first Christmas away from home. These brave men and women have made huge sacrifices. Many fighting for causes, you and I might not agree with. These soldiers made a commitment. And they intend to honour it. I only can imagine. Their one wish, above anything else, is to return to their loved ones. I hope next Christmas, their wish is granted.

I can write about so many other groups. But you get the picture. I know the past year has had its share of phenomenally difficult trials. For so many of us. Friendships have been lost. Relationships estranged. Mistakes  plentiful. Grudges and resentments are probably eating away at our souls. The harshest judgments have come from the very same people who claim to love us. But for others. Not so.  They chose to stay. They love without boundaries. Unwavering in their love and support. I thank them. On my behalf. And yours.

I LOVE this quote by Will Smith: Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people… the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you. And stay.”. Little did I know. This is the year. It would apply to my life. As 2014 dawns upon us. And it will. I hope we can reflect on this past year. Learn from the mistakes. Hold our head up. And keep fighting. But for now. Enjoy this Christmas.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

One More Day!

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OneMoreDayOLTwo days. That’s all it took. To change the life of a person I adore. On Thursday, my friend learned her father had terminal cancer. The next day doctors delivered even more grave news. His condition had deteriorated so badly, and he had days to live. My heart ached for her. The journey would take 12 hours. He couldn’t even speak anymore. She left with a heavy heart. Hoping to make it to his bedside. Before he passed away. Like me, she met her father very late in life.

I began thinking about my own personal circumstances. A father I never knew. Until two years ago. To be honest. I think it was too late for us. Perhaps, if we met a decade or two ago, things might be different. The damage has been done. I know there is a lot for me to forgive. And so I shall. It’s a start.

I thought about what I would do. If I only had days to live. Then I remembered, a piece from my first published anthology of poems. One More Day. I hope it offers insight. No matter where you are in life.

If we knew that we had one more day on earth, would we…

Love with more passion?

Listen more attentively?

Hug our loved ones tighter?

Laugh until it hurts?

Smile a tad bit wider?

Touch more gently?

Kiss as if it will be your last?

Talk a lot less and listen more?

Forgive wrongdoings more quickly?

Walk with a spring in our step?

Spend more time with the ones you love?

Leave work at work?

Sweat the small stuff?

Tell them how much you truly love them?

Stop to smell the flowers?

Play in the rain, just once more?

Take a moonlight stroll on the beach?

Turn off the television and read a bedtime story to your child?

Pray together as a family?

Give away all your possessions, just to have one more day?

Appreciate nature?

Give thanks for all that you have?

Yield to someone in traffic?

Give to the beggar on the street?

Volunteer at your favourite charity?

Make someone’s wish come true?

Be a big brother or big sister to an underprivileged child?

Stop by the local food kitchen and ask how you can help?

Handwrite a letter to your mom?

Dance, really, like no one is watching?

Befriend the office outcast?

Pray longer tonight?

Make breakfast in bed for your spouse?

Take the day off work to spend with the family?

Spend a few hours at the local humane society?

Treat this Christmas as if it was your last?

Quit complaining as much?

Say: “I’m sorry,” even though you did nothing wrong?

Drive hours to see a friend who is hospitalized?

Give up your seat on the bus?

Look at your glass as half empty or half full?

Would you…?

In short, make time for the things that really, truly matter. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

Juan Williams (2009)

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

‘Bout Time!

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Yes. It is. It’s been two months. Since. I blogged. Tsk.Tsk. Quick update. And in my defense. It’s not easy planning a wedding from, and moving to another country. While working. And doing your best to stay sane. Phew! It’s been a whirlwind. But we got it done. To my regular followers and readers. Apologies! Life has been crazily busy. All good. Less than a week ago. I married my best friend in Gretna Green Scotland. A day for the history books! I will upload wedding pics to Facebook in due course.

I know I owe you a real post. Working on it. Today, a quote is a quote from Will Smith gets the juices flowing again.

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Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Give It Another Go!

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second-chances

Life is “awashed” with second chances. Every morning. With the dawn of a new day. It’s there for the taking. Some. Not every misstep can be fixed. However. Like yesterday. We got lucky. The heavens smiled on us. Blessing us. With another opportunity. To get it right. But. For millions all over the world. They’ve run out of second chances. Because. Sometime in the past twenty-four hours. They took their last breath. They won’t get a do-ever.

No need to dwell on the things we can’t change. Or the second chances we will never get. So. We are alive. What will we do with the second chances we’ve been given today? How will you and I approach correcting the wrongs? Offer or receive forgiveness. Apologizing for a harsh word. An unintended action. Which resulted in bruised feelings? The unspoken words to a partner. Spouse. Child. Friend. Coworker. And the sometimes elusive chance of finding lasting love.

We need to learn. If we have not already done so. To cherish these precious moments. Embrace them. Live for them. Make every second count. This past Friday, I experienced my “real” first blizzard. I said real. Because when I lived in Colchester, the blizzard was a drop in the bucket compared to this! I live in NE now. Never seen anything like this. Except on tele.

If you need further convincing. That every moment is precious. Every chance should be taken. Read on. As usual. Right after the storm has passed. People get to work. Clearing snow. Sadly. In Dorchester. A young boy was helping his father to do just that. The temperature was frigid. It became very cold. And uncomfortable for the young man. The father turned on their vehicle. To provide warmth and comfort. Sadly, the exhaust pipe was blocked. By more than three feet of snow. Carbon monoxide poisoning claimed the young man’s life. So many ifs. My point is. How many of us are given warnings of our last moments?

Yes. Often when we look around. There aren’t many reasons to be joyful. In the same vein. There are a lot of unhappy people in the world. Many are lost. Trying to find a way out of the darkness. Wandering aimlessly. With the weight of the world. Pressing heavily on delicate shoulders. We’ve been there too. Lost sight of the joy. We often forget that today. This moment. Is the opportunity for a do over. That many prayers have been answered. Hearts softened. And now. We’re face to face. With the joy and wonder. Of being able to do it all over again. Today is all we’ve got. It’s our second chance.

Until the next post..” We’re given second chances every day of our life. We don’t usually take them, but they’re there for the taking” Andrew M. Greeley.

Best,

Juan

I Wish You Enough.

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I blogged about many topics this past year. Some required a great deal of thought. While others came as I watched a story unfold. Spoke with friends. The rest? Personal experiences. If I had Twelve Wishes  was my last post in 2011. None of the personal wishes were granted. In all honesty, 2012 has been a very difficult year. As I’m sure it is for most of us. So. This year. I decided not to wish for anything. I’ll wait. To see. What 2013 brings. And remain hopeful for the best.

To all my friends. Supporters. Followers. I don’t personally know each of you. But. I appreciate your support. Comments (keep them coming). Love. And friendship. My life is better. Because you’re a part of it. I hope the year ahead. Brings you and your family many good things. I’d like to share one of my favourite stories with you. Whether or not you’ve read/heard it before. Please. Read it again. For 2013. I wish you. Enough.

“At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane’s departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, “I love you, I wish you enough.” She said, “Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy.” They kissed good-bye and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, “Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes, I have,” I replied.

Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

“Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?” I asked.

“I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, ” he said.

“When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, ‘I wish you enough.’ May I ask what that means?”

He began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.” He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. “When we said ‘I wish you enough,’ we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them,” he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. “I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Good-bye.” He then began to sob and walked away.

For everyone who has touched my life in phenomenal ways. And to those. I’ve yet to meet. I hope you’ve had a memorable holiday. And for the years to come. I wish you enough.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

#growingupwithoutafatherfinalpost

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In April and May, I shared some experiences of what it was like. To grow up without a father. This is the last post focusing solely on the subject. In late 2009, we spoke for the first time. And finally met in April 2011. I don’t remember all the details of  the first conversation. But. I do remember the tumultuous emotions. The total. And utter. Loss for words. Disbelief. I thought for a moment, I was being pranked.

So. Why did it take so long? Simple. I was scared. Of the unknown. My own reaction. Or lack of it. What to expect. Finding out if we’d get along. Yes. A part of me was elated. Because my wish was finally being fulfilled. On the other hand. The fear. And trepidation I felt, far outweighed anything else. A few months before I left for the UK to pursue graduate studies. I decided the time was right. It was premature. Because I wasn’t. So. I backed off. Couldn’t do it. Didn’t have it in me. Whenever I thought about meeting him, fear unlike anything I’d never known, would seize me. It was asking too much.

When school let out for Easter break, I decided to do it. The flight was longest of my life. As I made it through security, and finally through the doors that would bring me face to face with him. I knew there was no turning back. I willed myself into being strong and brave. I reminded myself, one of my life’s wish was about to come true. That many people never get the opportunity. And I was one of the lucky ones. I walked over to him. We embraced. Officially introduced ourselves, and started chatting away.

As it turned out. The first meeting went better than I expected. I’m sure we both had expectations. The time flew by. In a blur. We got along great. I guess like any relationship. We floated around in the honeymoon stage. I finally learned the origins of certain physical and emotional characteristics. The highlight of the visit. Will stay with me forever: for the first time in my life. I got to spend a birthday with my father. I can’t describe the feelings. Even now. Words fail me.

Right now. There are huge learning curves. For both of us. Behaviours and mannerisms to get accustomed to. No relationship is easy. More so the one in which I find myself. How do you catch up on more than 30 years? I won’t get into the reasons why he wasn’t there. Never once inquired about my well-being. Or sought me out. I’ve listened to his explanations. And my mother’s. And I don’t accept either. IMO. Unless the parent is dead. There is NO excuse. None. For not being there for your children. But. It’s the way my life turned out. No more crying. I’ve done enough of it.

If you’re reading this. And you’ve had a similar experience. Or. You don’t know who your father is. I know your pain. I’ve lived it. I know what you’re going through. Have lived through. It doesn’t get any easier. As the days and years come and go. There is always a huge abyss. The hurt can be unbearable. I know. Like me. You have struggled with issues of abandonment. Feeling unwanted. Of not being good enough. Yet. It doesn’t have to control your life. You might never overcome it. But you can learn to live with it.

Men. If you’re a father. And there is a child somewhere. Wondering where you are. A child whose only wish for Christmas is to meet you. A child who prays every night for you to come. GET IT TOGETHER. If you grew up without a father. You could be the father you’ve never had. On a more personal note, if you’re a woman. I also know how it feels to choose the wrong men. Over and over. As if you’re searching for a “father” to replace the one you never had. To learn painful lessons in love. Partly because the critical father-daughter relationship foundation. Was never established. I also know. What it feels like to walk down the street. Make eye contact with someone. Look for some sign of recognition. And wonder : could that be him? My father?

But you carry on. Keep trying. Do whatever you can to heal. And forgive. In parting. I can finally say. I am free of this tremendous burden. Of putting a face to a name.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Today.

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It’s. Going. To. Be. One. Wild. Ride. 🙂

Until the next post, enjoy this song. I never get tired of listening to it.

Best,

Juan

LIFE’S little MOMENTS

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Think kindly. Be patient. Smile often. Appreciate the special times. Discover new friends. Find old ones. Tell your friends and family you love them. Everyday. Feel with your heart. Forget the daily grind. Have faith. Keep growing. Be carefree. Look for blessings in the most unlikely places. Seek out miracles. Make them happen. Try not to worry. Give to others. Trust again. Pick some roses. Give them away. Make and keep a promise. Appreciate the rainbows. Stargaze. People watch. See beauty in the world around you. Work harder. Listen to the wise. Make an effort to understand. Make time for others. Laugh with heart. Spread happiness. Take a risk. Reach out to others. Let them in. Be gentle sometimes. Do something you’ve never done before. See a sunset. Give yourself a pat on the back. Dance in the rain. Listen to thunder. Revisit old memories. It’s okay to cry. Have joy in life. Dry someone’s tears. Learn from others. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Sing at the top of your lungs. Celebrate the moments in life. You wont always have them.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan