Category: Self Acceptance

The Train

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A friend, very dear to my heart, forwarded me this sweet, beautiful caveat of inspiration recently. I had to post it on my blog. Thank you Anne. Love you dearly!

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel on our side. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, and even the love of your life. Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum.

Others will go so unnoticed that we don’t realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.

The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.

I wish you a joyful journey on the train of life. Reap success and give lots of love. More importantly, thank God for the journey.

Lastly, I thank you for being one of the passengers on my train.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

RFL. Done and Dusted.

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rflpThe day dawned bright, clear, sunny, and promising. Saturday July 5th, 2014. A month ago today. I competed in my first event. I decided to take part in the Race for Life Pretty Muddy Bristol 5K. A yearly national fundraising event. Organised by Cancer Research UK, to fund research, and hopefully, one day, find a cure for more than 200 types of cancer. Find more information here.

I looked forward to this event for months. My intention was to honour the memory of my beloved cousins, Frederick Williams and Elroy Morris. Young men, both in their 20’s, who died within 2 years of each other. Frederick, died from the ravages of lymphatic cancer, and Elroy, who succumbed to liver cancer in March this year.

I didn’t train as much as I wanted. Or should. Undeterred, I decided to run, jog, walk, or crawl. Whatever it took. To cross the finished line. I hoped. Wherever they were. They were smiling. Cheering me on. Proud of my efforts. As I write this, I’m struggling to keep tears at bay. Freddy and Elroy, hope you’re both resting in peace.

I arrived at the event with time to kill. An hour or so later, the entire group of 250+ women strong, started chanting. The atmosphere was electrifying. Next, it was time for the pre race drills. In no time, we were off. The first obstacle slowed me down; we waded through a rubber through, filled with muddy water. The obstacle course got more difficult. However, I somehow made it through every one; including the climbing frame, tyre hop, cargo net, and of course the mud pit.

Organisers left the muddiest, wettest, and slickest obstacle for the end. Using ropes I climbed to the top of a massive plastic mud splattered hut. I sat for a minute or two, closed my eyes, and slid down into 5ft of pure mud, water, and filth. Waiting at the bottom, and on either side, were two men. Massive shovels in hand, heaping filthy water onto competitors. As we struggled to crawl out of the pit. Good Ole fun!

One of the sweetest memory of the event, were the sounds of people cheering me on, as I headed towards the finish line. Complete strangers shouting: “Well done number 8!” Keep going number 8!” What a feeling. Indescribable. Amazing. Thrilling. I completed the event in 35 mins.

The only thing I would change, is working harder to reach my fundraising goal. I managed to raise £65. I am not good at asking people to give. Come next year, and the year after. I will do better. I plan on competing in this event, for as long as I can.

I am so very grateful I was blessed with the opportunity to do this. Humbled, I was able to honour the memory, and life of my two cousins. Race for Life Cancer Research UK. See you next year.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

More Than Enough.

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A few months ago, I made a resolve to watch this video at least once every day. Hasn’t happened. Life gets in the way. I have committed to do better. The message is for women. However, there is a similar video for the men in our lives. I have shared it a few times, and feel the need to do so now. Don’t know why. But I am sure, someone needs to hear it.

I want  everyone, within the reach of this blog, to know you are enough. More than enough. I want you to stop listening to the voices, and people, who tell you otherwise. If you chose to let your mistakes define you, you’re wasting time. A valuable and precious commodity, you will never get back. Let them go. Rise above them. I know this is tremendously difficult. A daily struggle for many of us. We cant un do the past. However, when it calls, let it go to voicemail, as it has nothing new to say!

You are never too much. In any area of your life. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Always. You are worth more than you realise. The people who truly care and love you, will do so, no matter what mistakes you make. They will recognise you’ve walked a different and difficult path. They will know, like them, your life has had its struggles. Hang in there.

I can’t begin to explain, the strength this video gives me. Every time I watch it, I feel empowered. Renewed, and supported. I hope you do too.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

 

Till We Meet….

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2532988Mere days ago (19.03.14) we lost our beloved cousin Elroy Cornelius Morris. Elroy was in the second year of his theology studies at Bethel Bible College in Jamaica. My sister’s Alma Mater. He was excelling academically. A  favourite among his peers. Deeply loved by those who knew him. Everyone was in a state of shock. Still is. Many were praying for his return. Pleading with God for a miracle. For him to be a modern day Lazarus.

Elroy’s death affected me. And of course, more so, his immediate family. I still remember his first day home from the hospital. In the months and years to follow, I baby sat and fed him, changed his diaper, watched him grow up. In Christmas of 2010, I made my first visit back home in many years.  Totally delighted to see how he had blossomed into such a great young man. My cousin’s firstborn.

I had a chance to speak to his mom the day after his passing. Captivated as I  listened to her recount his final moments on earth. We laughed and cried, as we reminisced about his childhood. I can’t fathom her pain. Although devastated, she kept repeating she was comforted by the fact, he died in Christ. His life was an example to everyone. We spoke of his last moments, and I felt as if I was a bystander, as she described the events to me.

Death reminds us of our own mortality. The preciousness of life. And things we need to do. Today, I came across a quote from the Happier Face book group, in simple, beautiful words: “Life is short. Collect experiences”.  Indeed, we are too busy collecting other things. Better jobs. More money. Nice houses. Expensive Clothes. Fake friends. Things we cannot take with us. Things that no longer matter to my sweet and precious cousin. Never did. If I am honest.

On March 20th, I posted these words on his Facebook page : RIP cousin. Having a terrible time grasping the fact you’re no longer with us. Just spoke with your mom. Learned of your final moments. So many have been touched by you, and your example. You are free from all pain and suffering. The work God has for you couldn’t be done by anyone else. Rest safe in his arms. Till we meet again.

No one dies in vain. There is always a lesson behind losing someone so young. With so much more to offer. I love you. Will miss your spirit. Wont ever forget your influence. Thank you for the time you spent with us. The memories we collected. The hearts you touched.Till we meet again. Rest in Peace.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

The Now.

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how-to-live-in-the-moment-plitvice-waterfallWe live in a fascinating age. Have access to unprecedented methods of technology. So, its incomprehensible to watch reports indicating Boeing 777- 200 ER, carrying 200+ passengers and crew, has vanished. Literally. On March 8th, Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370 departed from Malaysia bound for China. However, shortly after take-off, air traffic controllers lost contact with the jet. It’s been more than 48hrs and counting. The barrage of conspiracy theories is in full swing.

For history purposes, read the story here. I won’t dwell on this too much. Too disturbing. I’m not a good flyer. Between take off, and cruising, I am a bundle of nerves. So, I can’t begin to imagine the pain of family members and loved ones. Not knowing. Waiting. Hoping. Praying. But as time goes on. You begin to lose hope.

Once again, I’m reminded, not to procrastinate. It’s incredibly easy, but counterproductive to look back on mistakes. Spend time berating yourself, with the what if’s. Recently, I have made my fair share. However, I am painfully aware the past has nothing new to say. Does it? In the face of incredible difficulties, it’s even harder to press on. Oh, you can get lost in the judgements being meted out. But, we have to move on. Enjoy life. Even with the knowledge we might have to learn the same lessons. Time and again. Until we get it.

Today, I intend to live. Grab the moments. As Gandhi once said: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live forever”. I reaffirm my commitment to do just that. Because tomorrow. Is not promised to anyone.  I tend to worry. A lot . Perhaps a bit too much. My younger sister recently told me: “You’re worried about something that is so far away. Live in the NOW”. Thank you Hannah.

Today, right now. In light of everything that’s happening around us. I hope we realise what a blessing it is to be alive. To be here at this time. Live. Love. Laugh. Forgive. Move on. Be happy.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

My First Time

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My official Race for Life Number. I was giddy. With excitement. I literally ripped open the envelope. Scattered the contents on the bed. And stared. Minutes later, I was caressing the glossy paper. Then the most glorious smile lit up my entire face. For long moments. I dreamt. About the event. My first official 5K. I hope I will be ready. Can anyone ever be ready for their first event? Nah. Fools paradise 🙂

Why? Recently I dug out my vision board. I decided it was time to continue working on the dreams I once held. My accomplishments? Not too shabby.  There is still work to be done. Time to get my butt in gear. I always wanted to take part in a marathon. Maybe a few. But you gotta start somewhere. And work hard. A 5K is a good place . However,  I wanted to run for a cause. An event. Something to attach the memory. Decades from now.

Enter The Race For Life Bristol Muddy 5K event on July 7th 2014 at the Downs in Clifton. Sponsored by Cancer Research UK. This link  #justgiving takes you to my personal page. Yes, my fundraising goal is very ambitious. So if you can, please show your support. No amount is too small. Not to the people who will benefit. If we don’t dream big. Then we’re settling for mediocrity. I have started to slowly get back into the gym. And work my way into a local women’s running group. Trying to pace myself, and not rush things. As is my penchant. Heaven help me!

Why this charity? A year and a half ago, my 25-year-old cousin succumbed to the effects of lymphatic cancer. One of the drawbacks of living on an island, is limited access to good healthcare. You’re pretty much left up to the mercy and training of your local doctor. If your condition is serious. And you don’t have the resources, to seek better care in another country. Your goosed is cooked. Literally. Fast forward, by the time he was diagnosed there was only months to go. I am doing this to honour his memory. And raise money while I am at it.

My first marathon. Creating history. Writing my life story. Life is unpredictable. Filled with tragedies. But. Fortunately, amidst all this. Joy can be found. And if you can’t find it. Then create it! Doing what you want adds immense joy to your soul. I plan on doing a lot of things this year. And no doubt this event will feature prominently on the pages of my life. As the Brits would say : I am “chuffed to bits” to be doing this. Hopefully, this will be part of a legendary year for me.

What will this year bring you? I pray for the best. For you, your family, and the loved ones you hold close. I hope you go after what you want. With all the energy and fire of your soul. Do what makes you happy. Because one day, it can all be taken. Please remember how amazing you are. The essence that is you. There is no one in the world like you. No one can take your place in this world. Believe that. Go on. Be happy.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Feliz Ano Nuevo!

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Hello 2014. Happy New Year!

Nine days out. A new year. 2014. Snucked up on us. Ready. Or not. Each time a New Year dawns. So many things come in its wake. Expectations. Changes. Resolutions. New attitudes. Plans. New perspectives. A fresh start. Now is the time. To do just that. Some make resolutions. Others swing by their coat tails. Rolling with the punches as they come. Whatever you chose to do this year. I wish nothing but the best for you. And your loved ones. Go after what you want. With all the energy of your soul. Fight for it. Don’t give up. I intend to!

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

This Christmas.

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Who knew? Another Christmas is upon us. Like a thief in the night. It has literally crept up on us. So many things to get done. The stress of finding the perfect gift. For your loved ones. Especially the ones who have everything. There isn’t enough time in the day. We are literally stretching ourselves thin. The pressure is on. To be ready. For the day when Christians celebrate the birth of the Saviour.

I have truly fond memories of Christmas. Everything seemed to happen on Christmas Eve. The house was scrubbed from top to bottom. Every family member stayed up until stupid-o clock the next morning. Cooking. Baking. Hanging curtains. Hopefully new ones. Arranging doilies on cushions. Hanging decorations in the windows. Every neighbour kept an eye on each other’s house. Waiting to see whose house would end up looking the best. I loved the energy surrounding this day. As a result, it has always been the only holiday, I get truly excited for!

Living in the USA took some of the joys out of the tradition. Christmas has been exploited. Become commercialized. In recent times, I have felt a longing to change this. It’s natural to turn inward and focus on loved ones. And easily forget everyone else. Because our lives are so wrapped up in parties, gift giving, and every other celebration. This post is not to invoke guilt. Nor detract from the reasons we gather together at this time of year. It’s as a gentle reminder, to do something different next year. What that means for you. Is different for me.

This Christmas. I hope we spare a thought and prayer for those without family. Especially the people who call the cold, cruel streets their home. Before I volunteered at a shelter, like many, I had a stereotypical view of homeless people. I was humbled. Fast. Every situation is personal and different. And except for the very small number with mental issues, NO ONE chooses to be homeless. And before we appoint ourselves as armchair judgemental moralists, and voice our reasons. Don’t. We haven’t walked in their shoes. We don’t know their lives. Don’t know their pain. I know for a fact, many of them long to be somewhere else.

This Christmas while our kids are opening presents. I want us to think about the young girl or boy placed in foster care for the first time. The child who, due to no fault of their own, was born into a family that cannot take care of them. I lived with a foster-mother for years. I remembered days. And nights. When I wondered if my mom was ever coming to pick me up. Luckily for me. She did. For Christmas. But so many aren’t as fortunate. I want us to pray for the ones most afraid. Who won’t be getting any gifts this year. Furthermore, the children displaced by famine. Hunger. Political uprisings. Keep them in our thoughts.

This Christmas. I want us to keep in our thoughts. The people newly single. Whose hearts are heavy because their relationships broke down. The people who once entered relationships, with so much hope, trust, and enthusiasm. Only to watch it all come apart. Fast. I want us to think about how hard this Christmas will be for them. They once envisioned what the first Christmas tree would look like. The presents waiting under the tree. Fickle things. Yes. But like everything else, their dreams of a happily ever after have been squashed. They must begin the painful process of rebuilding. Recovering.

This Christmas. I want us to give thanks, and keep in our hearts the soldiers deployed overseas. Many of whom will be spending their first Christmas away from home. These brave men and women have made huge sacrifices. Many fighting for causes, you and I might not agree with. These soldiers made a commitment. And they intend to honour it. I only can imagine. Their one wish, above anything else, is to return to their loved ones. I hope next Christmas, their wish is granted.

I can write about so many other groups. But you get the picture. I know the past year has had its share of phenomenally difficult trials. For so many of us. Friendships have been lost. Relationships estranged. Mistakes  plentiful. Grudges and resentments are probably eating away at our souls. The harshest judgments have come from the very same people who claim to love us. But for others. Not so.  They chose to stay. They love without boundaries. Unwavering in their love and support. I thank them. On my behalf. And yours.

I LOVE this quote by Will Smith: Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people… the ones who really belong in your life, will come to you. And stay.”. Little did I know. This is the year. It would apply to my life. As 2014 dawns upon us. And it will. I hope we can reflect on this past year. Learn from the mistakes. Hold our head up. And keep fighting. But for now. Enjoy this Christmas.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

One More Day!

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OneMoreDayOLTwo days. That’s all it took. To change the life of a person I adore. On Thursday, my friend learned her father had terminal cancer. The next day doctors delivered even more grave news. His condition had deteriorated so badly, and he had days to live. My heart ached for her. The journey would take 12 hours. He couldn’t even speak anymore. She left with a heavy heart. Hoping to make it to his bedside. Before he passed away. Like me, she met her father very late in life.

I began thinking about my own personal circumstances. A father I never knew. Until two years ago. To be honest. I think it was too late for us. Perhaps, if we met a decade or two ago, things might be different. The damage has been done. I know there is a lot for me to forgive. And so I shall. It’s a start.

I thought about what I would do. If I only had days to live. Then I remembered, a piece from my first published anthology of poems. One More Day. I hope it offers insight. No matter where you are in life.

If we knew that we had one more day on earth, would we…

Love with more passion?

Listen more attentively?

Hug our loved ones tighter?

Laugh until it hurts?

Smile a tad bit wider?

Touch more gently?

Kiss as if it will be your last?

Talk a lot less and listen more?

Forgive wrongdoings more quickly?

Walk with a spring in our step?

Spend more time with the ones you love?

Leave work at work?

Sweat the small stuff?

Tell them how much you truly love them?

Stop to smell the flowers?

Play in the rain, just once more?

Take a moonlight stroll on the beach?

Turn off the television and read a bedtime story to your child?

Pray together as a family?

Give away all your possessions, just to have one more day?

Appreciate nature?

Give thanks for all that you have?

Yield to someone in traffic?

Give to the beggar on the street?

Volunteer at your favourite charity?

Make someone’s wish come true?

Be a big brother or big sister to an underprivileged child?

Stop by the local food kitchen and ask how you can help?

Handwrite a letter to your mom?

Dance, really, like no one is watching?

Befriend the office outcast?

Pray longer tonight?

Make breakfast in bed for your spouse?

Take the day off work to spend with the family?

Spend a few hours at the local humane society?

Treat this Christmas as if it was your last?

Quit complaining as much?

Say: “I’m sorry,” even though you did nothing wrong?

Drive hours to see a friend who is hospitalized?

Give up your seat on the bus?

Look at your glass as half empty or half full?

Would you…?

In short, make time for the things that really, truly matter. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

Juan Williams (2009)

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Question Is….

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Have you had enough? Why do we allow the same people to hurt us, over and over? How many more offenses will we forgive? How long will we allow them to run amok, creating distress in our lives?

Not yet. Is the subconscious thought. They are actually great in other areas. I bet. There will be at least one more offense to forgive. One more distressing episode. One more…That is. Until. We wake up one day. Look in the mirror. And say: “today is the first day of the rest of my life”.

Oh. Friends and family will try to convince us. Remind us. Force us.To see the truth. Want better for ourselves. Wake up. Yep. All good. But. Until we’re ready. To accept the truth. To realise. Nothing will change until we do. Only then. We will know. When we’ve had enough.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan