Category: Regret

It’s Been Three Years!

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keep-calm-coz-its-my-birthday-3-years-today-2I vividly remember how it started. Sat in my dorm at Essex uni. Reviewing the day’s lecture notes. Inspiration struck. And here I am. Blogging three years on. So much has happened. Still happening.

This post is simple. Brief. And to the point. Thank you! My supporters. Friends. Followers. Passers-by. The curious onlookers. Whoever you may be. Thanks you for visiting. And taking time to read. I haven’t always gotten it right. Perhaps I never will. But its onwards and upwards.

Curious to see where the year takes me. Life is beautiful, isn’t it? Yes, we can whine and moan about our lot in life. Or we can just get on with it. There is great joy to be found. I hope you find yours. Soon. Because “In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you”

Amendment 28.03.2014 : my three year mark was actually yesterday! Had to double check. Whoop sees 🙂

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

One More Day!

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OneMoreDayOLTwo days. That’s all it took. To change the life of a person I adore. On Thursday, my friend learned her father had terminal cancer. The next day doctors delivered even more grave news. His condition had deteriorated so badly, and he had days to live. My heart ached for her. The journey would take 12 hours. He couldn’t even speak anymore. She left with a heavy heart. Hoping to make it to his bedside. Before he passed away. Like me, she met her father very late in life.

I began thinking about my own personal circumstances. A father I never knew. Until two years ago. To be honest. I think it was too late for us. Perhaps, if we met a decade or two ago, things might be different. The damage has been done. I know there is a lot for me to forgive. And so I shall. It’s a start.

I thought about what I would do. If I only had days to live. Then I remembered, a piece from my first published anthology of poems. One More Day. I hope it offers insight. No matter where you are in life.

If we knew that we had one more day on earth, would we…

Love with more passion?

Listen more attentively?

Hug our loved ones tighter?

Laugh until it hurts?

Smile a tad bit wider?

Touch more gently?

Kiss as if it will be your last?

Talk a lot less and listen more?

Forgive wrongdoings more quickly?

Walk with a spring in our step?

Spend more time with the ones you love?

Leave work at work?

Sweat the small stuff?

Tell them how much you truly love them?

Stop to smell the flowers?

Play in the rain, just once more?

Take a moonlight stroll on the beach?

Turn off the television and read a bedtime story to your child?

Pray together as a family?

Give away all your possessions, just to have one more day?

Appreciate nature?

Give thanks for all that you have?

Yield to someone in traffic?

Give to the beggar on the street?

Volunteer at your favourite charity?

Make someone’s wish come true?

Be a big brother or big sister to an underprivileged child?

Stop by the local food kitchen and ask how you can help?

Handwrite a letter to your mom?

Dance, really, like no one is watching?

Befriend the office outcast?

Pray longer tonight?

Make breakfast in bed for your spouse?

Take the day off work to spend with the family?

Spend a few hours at the local humane society?

Treat this Christmas as if it was your last?

Quit complaining as much?

Say: “I’m sorry,” even though you did nothing wrong?

Drive hours to see a friend who is hospitalized?

Give up your seat on the bus?

Look at your glass as half empty or half full?

Would you…?

In short, make time for the things that really, truly matter. Tomorrow is promised to no one.

Juan Williams (2009)

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Question Is….

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the-question-is

Have you had enough? Why do we allow the same people to hurt us, over and over? How many more offenses will we forgive? How long will we allow them to run amok, creating distress in our lives?

Not yet. Is the subconscious thought. They are actually great in other areas. I bet. There will be at least one more offense to forgive. One more distressing episode. One more…That is. Until. We wake up one day. Look in the mirror. And say: “today is the first day of the rest of my life”.

Oh. Friends and family will try to convince us. Remind us. Force us.To see the truth. Want better for ourselves. Wake up. Yep. All good. But. Until we’re ready. To accept the truth. To realise. Nothing will change until we do. Only then. We will know. When we’ve had enough.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

How Much?!

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money-can-t-buy-happiness

Question. Well. Actually a few. How much is enough? Money. That is. How much. Will it take to make you happy? If you’re a two income household. And circumstances dictated you live on one. Your life would change. But. In what way? Would it seriously affect the relationship you have with your spouse? Children? Of course. The knee jerk reaction is. It shouldn’t. But it can. Depends. On how much it matters to you.

I don’t believe. I am alone. When I say. I  can be happy with or without it. I don’t reside on Fool’s Paradise Lane. We need it to live. However. To make the pursuit of having more. And more. Is not something I obsess over. This doesn’t mean I set myself above those who chose to. But. It means I have learned  to be happy. Either way. I have never had enough . So. I made a decision to get on with it.

When you grew up in a single parent home. And your needs always took second place over a bill. Food. Etc. Your outlook changes. It’s different. And sometimes. Not very popular. When you get teased by your peers , because the shoes you wear to school, are so worn out, there are holes in the soles. You adjust. When you go to school hungry. Hoping your friends share their lunch with you. You learn. To make do. With what you have. Or don’t.

I get bored. Out of my skin. And tune out nine out of ten times. When people go on and on. About what they would do if they had more money. Or how much different. And better. Their lives would be. If only. They made more. I have also entertained such thoughts. And idle conversation. Until I realized. How much time. I was wasting. At the risk of sounding cynical. Why wait until we have enough? Why not. Do the best we can. With what we have? Waiting is not living. It’s existing. Sounds like a prison. In and of itself.

“Money is the root of all evil”. “Anyone who tells you money can’t buy happiness, doesn’t know where to shop”. “Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s a lot easier to cry in a BMW than a bicycle”. Yep. Heard them all. Haven’t you? In response, I say. Count your blessings. Not the zeros. Or lack of it. In your bank account. Count the things. Money cant buy. Friendships. People who love you. Feeling loved. Cherished. Respected. Character. Happiness. Talent. Peace. Things we sometimes lose. In pursuit. Of the mighty dollar. Have you ever made a list of things money can’t buy? Do it. I hope these made the list.

There is nothing wrong. With wanting good things in life. It’s human nature. But. When it takes over your life. Becomes all you think about. When you hardly see your family and friends . Constantly bring home work with you. If daycare. Or the tele. Is raising your kids. Because both parents feel the need to work. Or if you never have anytime for yourself. And find yourself constantly harping. On how busy your schedule is. Etc. Tell me. How is it working for you?

It’s not my intention to offend. Judge. Or belittle anyone’s choices. Everyone has a unique situation. The aim behind this post. Is to encourage us to reëxamine. The focus of our energies . To think about redirecting some of it. Into living a more fulfilled life. Where having more money. Is not the epicenter. Of everything we do. Live. And breathe. I hope. You and I don’t “wake up” decades from now. And regret. Not spending more time doing the things we like. With the people we love. Because. We were too busy. Trying to add to the bank balance.

I invite. No. Challenge you. To look up the top five deathbed wishes. See. If what you’re working so hard for. Will have you whispering these things. When it’s your time. To return home. So. I will end. With the question I started with. How much is enough?

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

#Goodbyelonelinesshellolife.

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Dear Loneliness,

Pardon the cliché. It’s not you. It’s me. I’m moving on. Took a lifetime. To get here.  In my defense, I was scared. Of letting go. I don’t remember how it started. When I shied away human companionship. Lost interest in hobbies. Manufactured excuses to stay on the couch. But. Something happened yesterday. I was drawn to a compelling image in the mirror. I stared. For a bit. But. There was no connection. With the person who once loved life. Found joy in the simplest things. Engaged in silly antics. It was a wake-up call.

For what it’s worth. Please. Don’t try to interfere in future relationships. Especially with fun. Laughter. Risk-taking. Joy. Hobbies. And dating. That’s a huge “no no”. You know where this is going. Because, you’ve listened to my ramblings long enough. I missed out on so much. Admittedly. You made it easy in the beginning. Typical relationship. With your seductive arguments. And clever persuasions. No more. Today, I rekindled relationships with a few old flames. You remember fun, don’t you? Laughter came too. And not to be outdone. Happiness…well you know the score. Crazy thing is, I almost didn’t show up. Because I was plagued by thoughts. Of the last time we were together. Besides. The weather was frigid. The  drive? Hellish. Taken together, I had the makings of a sound excuse. But. I knew if I stayed. It would the same old. Same old. Somehow, I managed.

Before I go. One last thing. Well, maybe two. Thank you. For showing me what I don’t want in a relationship. For reminding me, the small things count. For helping me to see, although I’m alone, I’m not lonely. Life is meant to be lived. With no regrets. No excuses. And for Pete’s sake. Please don’t visit any members of my family. Or anyone I know. And insinuate yourself into their lives. Because I will warn them about you. I’ll tell them loneliness is a choice. Explain how you enable patterns. Give a false sense of safety. And security. Then go in for the kill. Taking up precious time. In their heads. And lives. Then comes the fight. To get rid of you.

It might be difficult to plan a vacation for one. Or watch couples stroll hand in hand. Knowing they have each other. Go out dancing. Wake up to yet another Christmas. Alone. Be the newest member of my social networking group. Renew old friendships. Etc. But. It’s okay. I have to start somewhere. Maybe on said vacation, I will meet someone. We will dance. A lot. You catch my drift. I don’t expect an immediate transformation. Just the miracle of every new day. One thing. I do know. Is that. Anything is better. Than what we had.

Goodbye Loneliness.

Hello Life. I’ve missed thee.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

I.Did..

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…Polyester, and I don’t regret one minute of it. It was  wonderful.

Live. Love. Laugh. No excuses. No regrets.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

“If Only:Two Of The Saddest Words In The World”

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According to the dictionary, the word regret means “To feel sorry, disappointed, or distressed about. To remember with a feeling of loss or sorrow; mourn”. Recently, I made a spate of bad decisions. Bordering dangerously close to regret. And “If Onlys”. A few blogs ago, I also made a promise to myself to live without them. Working on it. After much thought and deliberation, I came to a conclusion. I would not have known the outcome, had I acted differently. If you are frantically scanning the post for those decisions, I have to disappoint. They will not be divulged here. Or anywhere else. For that matter. Things come back to haunt us. One less “If Only”.

The situations are done and dusted (a British slang for it’s over and done with). There is no turning back. No return to sender. No RIP’s (return if possible) Nada. Likewise, the Brits would say : just get on with it. And so it will be. I don’t follow horoscopes religiously. I am going somewhere with this. Promise. I mentioned this because, ironically, a few days before the biggest ill-fated decision, my horoscope specifically stated: “Think carefully, before making a big decision this week. You might have to live with the consequences for a very long time” WTH? The “stars” were right. Dead right. Say what?

I made these decisions because “You cannot always wait for the perfect moment. Sometimes, you just have to jump”.  And jump is what yours truly did. Had to. Underneath it all, the doubt lingered. Yet, I steamrolled straight ahead.Why? Because my life has been littered with “safe decisions”. Some worked. The rest? Runaway train wrecks. Admittedly, sometimes, it’s not a good idea to tempt fate. Not to ignore the small voice which clearly whispers “Don’t do it. Please don’t”. You might not be able to handle the consequences. Some of which lasts a lifetime.

Well life goes on, doesn’t it? “The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar”. Life has two certainties: Death. And Taxes. Everything else is pretty much up for grabs. I have made my bed. I must lie in it. Maybe I am in this place because I couldn’t learn these lessons any other way. For instance, to know that sometimes it is better to wait on the Lord. And trust his promises. Pray harder. Realise a leopard doesn’t change it’s spots.The whole kit and caboodle.

I’m not alone in wondering why we need to learn the same lessons over and over again. Is it because we have emotional baggage to empty?Weaknesses to overcome? Maybe, it’s because good things fall apart so better things can come together? Or perhaps, it’s because we must finally learn to stop kicking against the pricks. Add to the list.

I’ll tell you what I wont regret. Decades from now. Not taking a chance the outcome might be different. Being afraid to try because the odds were stacked against me. Not giving people the opportunity to prove themselves. At the end of the day, I did it my way. I was happy. For a bit. Then reality knocked. And I woke up smack in the middle of it.

One last note; decades from now, I dont want to look back on these decisions and say “If Only”. Simply because “No matter how much you revisit the past, there is nothing new to see!” However. If that happens. It won’t matter then.Will it? I will remember at one point in my life, it was exactly what I wanted. I thought it would make me happy. And I went for it!

Until the next post…

Best,

Juan

Tomorrow is cancelled…. and so is the day after

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We’ve all felt the frustration and disappointment of putting off things we could have done today for tomorrow. A life-changing decision. Going the extra mile. Saying sorry. Visiting someone. Repairing a broken relationship. Expressing love. Asking for forgiveness. And yes, forgiving someone ~ the topic of today’s blog entry. Each new day presents yet another opportunity. Again, it’s wasted. We are not ready. Too hectic. It’s rather difficult. Sometimes, we simply don’t want to.

What happens when we are offended or hurt by someone? Actions that result in deep wounds. Emotional scars. Feelings of disenchantment. It’s happened to all of us. Be it real or imagined. A criticism from a family member or friend. We were deserted in an hour of need. A coworker or classmate tried to sabotage our efforts on a project. A betrayal of trust. A spouse, partner, or boyfriend cheated. A relationship was abusive. A careless driver totaled the car. A thief broke into our home, and stole our life’s work. A loan was never repaid. The list is infinite. We’ve felt the pain. Heartache. Anguish. The sting. The throbbing.

It is relatively simple to hold a grudge. Not as easy to let go. When someone hurts us, feelings of anger, perplexity, and despondency swiftly settle in. We dwell on them. They fester. We feel entitled. Justified. Anger is validated. The feelings gave way to grudges. Hostility. Thoughts of revenge. Negative feelings overshadow positive ones. We become swaddled by our own acrimony, and sense of evenhandedness. Grudge enters. Makes itself at home. Slowly stewing. Simmering. Waiting. Do we find a way for this unwelcomed guest to leave? Or do we treat it like water in the middle of a desert?

What does holding a grudge do for us? Has anyone ever benefitted by holding onto them? Let me know. Please. Instead, it invites bitterness into every new relationship and experience. Preventing us from enjoying the here and now. New relationships are shunned. It is a breeding ground for melancholy. Angst is cultivated. Bitterness, revenge, and justice receive continual nourishment.

If our tomorrow was cancelled, would we still be carrying a grudge? Refuse to forgive? Words such as pardon, end of blame, absolution, have been used to describe the act of forgiveness. It’s also the choice to let go of thoughts of vengeance, and feelings of animosity. Easier said than done. Incredibly difficult for some. Not all of us are ready to forgive. Others are downright unwilling to do so.

Forgiveness is power, not a weakness. It empowers both the giver and the receiver. Make the decision to not let anger, resentment, and misery rule your life. Yes, some things are much harder to forgive than others. But how long have you been holding onto that grudge? The bitterness? How much longer will the person, situation, or event control your life? Grudges hold us hostage. Limits our friendships and relationships. Opportunities. Being able to grow. To Learn. To trust.

Forgiving someone does not excuse or diminish the offense. Nor does it justify the act. Forgiveness is not easy. It is not an assurance of a reunion .Compromise. Ceasefire. Nor does it mean the offender will change. Or admit to wrong doing. Nevertheless, it does mean freedom. From a tortured soul. Anger. Pain. Resentment. Bitterness. The power to control your life and relationships.

We might be the one requiring forgiveness. It means recognizing our blunders and inadequacies as human beings. Owning up to our mistakes. Swallowing our pride. Asking someone to forgive us. Talk to someone about it. Write about it in your journal. Pray about it. Actively chose to forgive. It’s tempting to feel a sense of entitlement. Refuse to see yourself as a victim. Think about the time when you hurt someone. Was it easy for them to forgive you?

Peter came to Jesus and asked him how often he should forgive his brother who offended him. Was it seven times? In essence, the Lord responded “No, seventy times seven”. That is quite the tallying task if you ask me! Let’s hope that if tomorrow is cancelled, we are not carrying a grudge. I am not advocating burying our heads in the sand. Nor leaving ourselves vulnerable to hurt and pain. Know this; things have a way of taking care of themselves.

Writing is therapeutic for me. Many of the topics I blog about, are things I have either triumphed over, or still struggling with. In this way, I am responsible for changing my own life. Are there people that I need to forgive? A few. Am I working on it? Yes! How is the process? Difficult. Rewarding. Am I happy with the changes? Immensely!

If your tomorrow was cancelled, what would you do today? As for forgiveness, Paul Boese sums it up this way: “Forgiveness does not change the past, it enlarges the future”

This is my take, what’s yours?

Best,

Juan.