Category: Goals/Dreams

I Am Me.

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learning-how-to-speak-my-truth(Photo Credit : veganyogalife)

In the recent past, I’ve discovered, and fell in love with a few authors. They give new meaning to the word FABULOUS.  I’m drawn to the ways in which they express themselves. Raw. Unapologetic. Authentic. Below is another piece from the incomparable Janne Robinson. I see so much of myself in the words and phrases below. I make no apologies for how I feel. You shouldn’t either.

If you’re either easily offended or prudish, with all the kindness and respect I can convey here, it’s best if you carry on, now.

This is for the women who don’t give a f**k. The women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea. The women who drink too much whisky, stay up too late and have sex like they mean it. The women who know they aren’t sluts because they enjoy sex, but human beings with a healthy sexual appetite. The women who will ask you for what they need in bed.

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls. The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts. The ones who wear “night make up” in the morning or don’t own mascara.

The women who know their worth, who plant their feet and roar in their brilliance. The women who aren’t afraid to tell a man to get the f**k out of her heart if he doesn’t honour her heart. This is for the women who rock combat boots with frilly skirts.

The women who swear like truck drivers. The women who hold the people who harass or wrong them with fierce accountability. The women who flip gender norms and false limitations the bird and live to run successful companies giving “the man” a run for his name. The ones who don’t find their success a compliment just because they have a vagina.

Women like Gloria Steinem who, when she was told, “We want a writer, not a woman. Go home,” kept writing anyway. This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it. For the women who open doors for men and are confident enough to have doors opened for them.

Who use “no” to be in service for themselves. Who don’t give a damn about pleasing the world, and do sweetly as they wish. For the superheroes—the single moms who work three jobs to make it. I salute your resilient, cape-flapping, ambitious selves.

This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence. The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times. The women who know how to be busy and know how to plant their feet in the earth and get grounded. These are the women I want around me.

Whoever you are. However you choose to express your truth. Live it. Love it. Celebrate who you are!

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Stay Gone!

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original1As a follow on to my last post, I’m sharing the poem below by the oh-so-talented Marty McConnell. The piece is life affirming and brilliant. All too often, we often go back to the same dead-end, toxic relationship. Hoping this time around, things will be different. Holding out hope. It’s so much easier than accepting the alternative; the relationship is over. Has been, for a long time.

IF like me, you’ve done this time and again, or you’re thinking about going back, please read the piece below. A few times, to get the gist of it. You must stay GONE. I don’t mean just physically either! Isn’t it time to live your truth? It took me years to realize: NEVER settle for someone, who isn’t absolutely, insanely, and foolishly happy to be with you!

“Leaving is not enough.You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he’s never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don’t wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problems are papier mache puppets you made or bought because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did.

And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion with a knife and five cranberries. Don’t lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street.”  Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell by Marty McConnell.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Keep Shining Dear Ones

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Photo Credit : Instagram

Hello Friends,

I wanted to reach out to anyone struggling with self-doubt. The kind either created by our own minds, or the people we surround ourselves with. I don’t know what your circumstances are, I could never know. However, I can tell you, what others think about you, is none of your business.

Keep doing good. Keep working on yourself. Keep striving. Only you truly know your journey, and what it took to get there.  No one can write your story, and even if they did, how will it turn out?

Do your thing, and do it unapologetically. People will criticize, but you probably know what they are going to say. The same thing that makes your pulse beat faster, your eyes sparkle, when talking about it, do it. As often as you can, for as long as you can.

It has taken a lot of resolve and persistence to get where you are. You didn’t come this far to quit. In the words of R Scott Fitzgerald: “For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whosoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. And if you find that you’re not, I hope you find the strength to start over”

Live. Love. Laugh.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

 

Freedom Is Not Free.

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aphiliprandolph212163America celebrated Independence yesterday. All around the city of Brooklyn, people came out with the familiar celebratory BBQ  get up; food and drinks to feed a small army, grills, loud music, and of course, family, friends, and loved ones, to mark the nation’s annual tradition. Amidst the flurry of activity, I couldn’t help but reflect on what makes us truly free. Can we be truly free of any and everything?

Rhetorical question, yes. There will always be a crisis to handle, problem to solve, and some part of our world to be put to right. Isn’t life a constant changing of the guards from one problem to another? If we are to grow and learn from experience, then these challenges are necessary, right? Isn’t this what those self-improvement guru’s want us to believe? I have also blogged about the need to remain steady and firm in the face of difficulties.

My thoughts then turned to the things I can control. My actions and how much they impact my future happiness. There is no personalized life book that comes with any of us at birth. We make what we think is the best decision, and hope for the right outcome.  I guess I can only look back now, at the battles the past few years, and ponder heavily on how one decision changed the course of my life. Forever.

Stay with me.

The year started out with major disappointments. Two days in, and the bad news opened like flood gates. Adding to the existing string of difficult issues already being tended to. They kept coming. Granted, I have to accept and appreciate all the good. The small and big moments of happiness, that have help me through the most difficult few years of my life. Some of which have been noted on my Earth strong post. You can’t have the great without the struggle. The only prayer I offer up these days is one of hope, for things to turn around.

I used to attend church regularly. Served the members of my congregation in every capacity possible. Did all the right things. For a very long time. Somewhere along the line, all that changed. As a result of one decision. Call it the consequences of veering off the path, or some type of karmic shift, I don’t know, but the ensuing years have been very harsh. I was free to make this decision, but not free of the consequences. No one ever is. Freedom does come at a cost. Always.

I’m writing my memoir. It is a project I’ve started and stopped many times. Why a memoir? I mean, everyone has a story, but not everyone is sharing it with the world. You WILL understand, once it’s published. I’ve abandoned all completion timelines. The story needs to be written and accurately. However, it is coming. Months or years from now, it will come.

When you get to a certain age, for all intents and purposes, it appears you must go through a few years of extreme hardship. I’m aware some people have more. Whether it’s the loss of an important relationship, financial downfall, home, or anything that means something. I remain grateful to the universe though, for the things, experiences, and good, wholesome people I’ve been blessed to cross paths with.

I hope this refiner’s fire I am going through leads to something glorious. Since I no longer hold many of the beliefs about Deity I used to, I only have to believe the universe is preparing me for an elevation of gigantic proportions. I also hope whatever karmic debt I owed in my previous life, will soon be repaid. Then there is the question of whether or not, I ever owed any “debts” to speak of.

I hope the struggles of the past few years continue to strengthen my battle weary shoulders. Among my friends, I’m always admired for qualities such as fortitude, resilience, and inspiration. Sometimes I get tired of the fight. Don’t you? Tired of having to keep a brave face all the time. A partner once told me : ‘You’re strong woman, you don’t need anyone’. Sadly, he failed to recognize underneath all the strength, is a woman who wished he would see the silent battles I fought. Another time and universe I guess.

I also know, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten (Tony Robbins). My heart and soul hungers to be free of so much. I’m working on it. I think it’s time to make life a whole lot simpler. Continue working on my bucket list….I hate that phrase, but it applies for now

I hope wherever you are, and however this post reaches you, life has been kind to you. I hope you and your family are well, and happy. I wish you enough. Of everything.

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

Life Is A Party.

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life_is_kind_of_like_a_party_There is a lot I could say, about the true beauty, simplicity, and meaning, of the words in the photo above. However, there are situations, where you just let the words speak for themselves.

I hope, however, if you’re reading this post, there is at least one person in your life, who helps you to clean up the mess.

You deserve it. We all do.

Until the next post,

Love and Light,

Juan.

#selflove#

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MAIN-Lil-Kim-Then-and-Now(Lil Kim, then and now. Photo: google images)

Sadly, we live in a society where, as women, we’re constantly being barraged with suggestions on how we should look, dress, and act. New moms are often fielding questions about losing baby weight. The internet has become a hot bed for cyber bullying and fat shaming. Health problems are sometimes the root cause, but it makes very little difference.

Husbands often emotionally manipulate their wives, by comparing them to friends, strangers, exes, and everyone in between. Others are sexually harassed, stalked, threatened, and worse. The world as we know it, has changed. The restructuring started ages ago. Tragically, we’re just now beginning to pay attention.

I’m not a fan of Lil Kim’s music, but this radical change highlights the fact, that as women, we need to love ourselves. Body Dysmorphic Disorder is real. No amount of male companionship, closet full of shoes and clothes, nice home/car, money in the bank, etc, can replace self-love. All these things are “white noise”, and will eventually come through the back door.

Spend time with people who build you up, and appreciate you. We teach people how to treat us, by what we allow. No one will ever love you, more than you could love yourself. No one. Sad it’s come to this, for a person who was so beautiful to begin with! My heart aches for her. Despite  money, fame, and status in life, she is obviously not content with who she is.

Lil Kim has admitted to having low self-esteem. Her father, a person who should have been her champion and supporter, failed at his calling. The opportunity to develop self-love, sense of self, and nurture her spirit never stood a chance. It’s a well-known fact, women date men who remind them of their father.

Lil Kim’s romantic relationships suffered. The men didn’t appreciate her, or what she brought to the table. She stated partners eventually left for women who were “lighter” and prettier. She felt she couldn’t compete with them. The picture above has created a firestorm of ridicule and scorn, from fans and trolls alike. It’s sad and sickening.

Half of these keyboard warriors do not see a woman in pain. They do not see a woman who looks in the mirror and (probably) says to herself: “I’m not good enough. Never will be. Maybe if I change this, it might make a difference….” For someone to go to this length, the amount of emotional and mental anguish must be overwhelming.

I can’t imagine the battles she fights every day. Struggles which continually rage in her every waking moment. Instead of subjecting her to such derisive language, we can offer support, and prayers. She is a fellow human being struggling on her journey through life. We can and should do better.

The importance of loving ourselves cannot be stressed enough. Although the bullying is mainly directed at women, I know a small majority of men have faced similar issues. Nothing and no one will replace self-love. I recognize for some, learning to love themselves, is a lifetime struggle.

Keep going. Surround yourself with people who nourish your soul and spirit. If there is anyone in your life who treats you with the least bit of disrespect, move on. The damage is sometimes irreparable. The longer you wait, the harder it is to heal. You deserve to be loved, adored, cherished, and looked after, in a kind, caring, and tender manner.

You’ve got one life, body, soul, spirit. Start appreciating your talent, abilities, individuality, the goodness that is you. Dont ever let anyone, make you feel as if you’re not good enough. The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people. Your are not for everyone, and that’s okay. More than okay.

Looking outside ourselves for things, people, or situations to validate who we are, is one of the biggest tragedies of life.

Until the next post,

Love and Light,

 

Juan

Earth Strong Day!

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another_year_wiser-117350(Photo : google images/quotesgram)

In a few days, I’ll celebrate another Earth Strong Day! As I look back on the past year, my thoughts are very much dominated by the types of fires I’ve had to put out. Fires, I never thought would come to my door. While most have been smothered, a few are still smouldering. I’m used to it, just another day, on the wild ride, that is my life.

Another year in life’s journey has come upon me. I wonder what adventures, trials, and ridiculously happy moments will come my way. How will the next year play out for me?

While the struggles are being slowly filed away in the recesses of my mind,  the idea came about to record the happy, wholesome, and fabulous memories of the previous year.

Ten, twenty, forty years from now, if I’m still walking  the earth, I will look over these posts,  laugh, shake my head and say “What a bloody amazing ride that was”! It’s been a year of many firsts, and there is so much more waiting for me.

In no particular order, below are some of the notable highlights of the past year:

I got trusted with my first credit card with a sizeable limit, which have been increased twice.

First time being asked to help represent my company at an Employment Assessment Day!

Interviewed for two roles at a company, got offered both, and had to choose!

First retreat in Devon.

Met Ann Lewin, and got an autographed copy of “Watching for the Kingfisher”

Helped to man a stall, and raise funds for a charity at Bristol’s Nature Festival.

The unknown strangers who took care of me, the morning of my collision.

Helped to make history, while working on a four month contract. My colleague and I brought in more revenue, over the same time period, when compared to the previous five  employees! Our efforts were recognized in the annual AGM.

Became the first employee to bring in a total of six job outcomes for the same company above.

New car insurer accepted my no claims certificate from the USA, saving me a bundle.

The sweet flat in Fishponds.

Three different summer festivals in one year.

Plug and Drive Gold Standard driver…which led to insurance discount.

Shaun’s Trail.

Arcadia Spectacular with Jenny (show of year).

First contents insurance policy.

A year of BOGO cinema tickets.

Attended a Dreamboys show (no apologies here).

First epic Three Cities /6 days holiday, and all the famous landmarks (Geneva, Berlin, and Paris).

First cable car ride 1100m up Mt Saleve.

During my epic holiday, I got off the bus in Geneva, crossed the street, and entered France.

Secured a permanent role in July 2015, and within three months, I achieved Gold Medal Performance Winner for meeting and exceeding my targets.

Saw Boys II Men in concert (and secured tickets to Nelly and Jeremih)

Finally found a sector I LOVE.

I’ve read over 25 books in the past year (including E books, and the reading frenzy started in Jan this year)

Finally, sorted a Will!

Student Loan sorted

First Vintage Fair.

Clubbing, twice in one month.

When a Manager says: “I hope you never leave”

First Masquerade ball NYE party!

First professional photo shoot, and registration with a modelling agency!

Visited Alice’s (Alice in Wonderland) Sweet Shop.

My cousin has begun illustrating the cover of my next book.

Became Reiki Level II Certified.

Completed Life Coach Training.

Naturally, the good has outweighed the bad. Bring on the next year. I hope your year is even more amazing!

Until the next post,

Love and Light,

Juan

 

 

REIKI LEVEL 11 CERTIFIED (updated)

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reiki1(Photo credit: prilliman.tripod.com)

22/03/2016 Update: I’ve now completed Reiki Level 11. Happy Days. Since embarking on this journey, something incredibly fascinating, and almost unbelievable, has happened to me. People not meant to be in my life, have disappeared. Let me explain; all contact and communication in every form, has abruptly stopped. I even tried communicating one more time. Nothing happened. Initially, I was very bothered by this, as people generally want to be around me. Hurt even, as they were people I welcomed with warmth, into my life. The answer came to me after a little while: “this is what you ask for every time you perform a self-treatment. You ask the universe to direct the energy for your highest good“. The trouble is, I’ve never specifically asked or set any intention around people. I’m still coming to terms with this. The journey has only just begun.

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Oh! What an incredible spiritual journey this year has been! And there is so much left of it! I completed my Level 1 Reiki course almost a month ago. In Level 1, you’re invited to schedule your attunement (the ability to perform Reiki  on yourself and others). I decided to wait until the recommended post attunement – 21 day period of self treatments, post a before writing about it.

In the course forum, I noticed some have completed the entire Master course in 45 days. I plan on taking twice as long. I just became certified at the first level. Before moving on, I plan on immersing myself in all the knowledge I can get my hands on. I’ve already read three E books on the subject. I’m more than hooked:). I’m now halfway through Level II

We have an online community where you can share your experiences, ask questions, and access resources. Students have shared experiences of having visions, all over body tingling, being connected with love ones etc during the attunement. I wondered what mine would be like. The Master/teacher gives you all six levels of  attunement at once. To be honest, I was a bit skeptical that someone in another country, thousands of miles away, could make me feel anything. I was so wrong. Very wrong.

I think some things should remain sacred, so I’ve since removed the description of the sensations and feelings I had during the process. I laid in bed for almost ten minutes after, as I wanted to savor the experience for as long as I could. I supposed I needed such a vivid attunement, as I could be very skeptical. I was in awe of what had transpired. Today, I’ve got a headache, and a bit of nausea, but I supposed this is the body detoxing itself. I’m so grateful I found Reiki at this time, as there are so many other stresses in my life. Or maybe it’s the Reiki who found me. Thank you very much Lisa, and everyone for sharing your own attunement experiences. Love and light to all”

As part of the process, you’re expected to go through a detox, mainly of emotions, which results in physical symptoms. One can expect healing from trauma, abuse, negative energy etc. Depending on how blocked your chakras are, you experience the detox differently. In the days that followed, and up to this point, while performing the self treatments, it was confirmed to me, Reiki was going where it’s supposed to.

Every time I perform a meditation and self treatment, I can’t tell you how many times I can feel the energy vibrating and extending all over my body. It is especially powerful when I linger over my heart chakra. There have been so many burdens I’ve carried, past hurts held onto. Toxic and negative emotions that were holding me prisoner, and preventing me from attracting the right people and things into my life. I know this now.

Its worth mentioning, that I used to have a restless energy… I would lay awake for hours, trying to fall asleep. Ever since my attunment, as soon as I’m finished with my self treatments, sleep comes naturally and quickly. Every day, I find myself repeating the Five Principles several times, as the temptations and distractions come it. Guess what? It works!

This year, if I don’t accomplish anything more than  peace of mind, extending forgiveness, and having a balanced life, I’ll be more than happy. I didn’t plan for this stage of my life. It somehow has found me. In my daily actions, I find myself becoming more kind, more tolerant, more loving. I honestly cannot wait to see where I am a year from now.

 

Until the next post,

 

Love and light,

 

Juan

Happy New Year!

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What did the dawn of 2016 find you doing? Partying hard, or a quiet night at home? I know my US family spent it in church. For so many, it’s a time of reflection, resolutions, and planning. I wanted something different. A few months ago, I went in search of, and found it.

I got all dolled up in a stunning, red evening gown, dotted with silver and white stones, matched with a silver clutch purse, red pumps, and the silver mask above. I attended my first NYE Masquerade Ball. At £80 per person, we were expecting a lot. The hotel didn’t disappoint. On arrival, we were offered a glass of champagne, and had a photographer take pictures. At 8pm, we were served an absolutely delectable five course meal. The night also offered free photo booth, a fabulous DJ, and a live band.

You never know what you get with live bands, but this one was buzzing! The band had so many jumping,dancing, and singing all night. Two hundred people strong; in ball gowns, and black ties. Right after the countdown, we joined arms and danced in circles to sing Auld Lang Syne. There was enough hugs and kisses to go around. My party danced from 10:30pm to 1:45 am. You do get what you pay for, and I was glad we decided to pay more. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to enter the New Year.

Thank you for your support through all these years. I hope 2016 is your best year ever. “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today”

Until the next post,
Best,

 

Juan

I Rise. I Grind.

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Recently, I blogged about how good things were going for me. For the first time in a long time, this girl was content and happy. Well, as it always does, life happens. Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was brought to a place I’ve never been before. Never envisioned. I visited several dark places. There was no one there to welcome me, give directions, or show me the way out. It was just me. With my thoughts and fears. Off in the distance, very far away, I did catch glimpses of the dreams I have, and if it wasn’t for those glimpses, I would still be in the dark place.

I returned for the results of an MRI and CT. I had an aneurysm. As the Neurologist read the results and my options, I looked to my left. I was curious about how the receiver was taking the news. Unfortunately, it was just me, and the junior doctor in training. And the Neurologist certainly wasn’t facing him. I sat in stunned silence, staring at the man whose lips were moving. All I heard was, “You have an 8-9mm aneurysm. Because of your age and its size, you’ll be meeting with an MDT team to discuss surgery, which is risky and invasive”.

I mean, how could this be? I initially went to see the doctor for dizziness. At the worse, I thought medication would be prescribed, and at the very least, it would be controlled. I had prepared myself for some type of tumor, which can be removed. Even hearing early onset of some disease, was expected. Instead, I was told that the older I get, my risk of a stroke increases. The doctor must have seen the supersize struggle I was having, as I fought the urge to cry. He offered an apology for the news, and his voice grew softer, and more compassionate. He wasn’t just giving a result, he was talking to someone, who didn’t expect this news. It was big.

I never wanted to fall into my mother’s arms more than I did then. Unfortunately, she is on another continent. Was there any good news in all this? The aneurysm hadn’t grown between scans, which meant it was stable. In addition, he told me that if I ever felt I was having the worse headache of my life, it was a sign it had ruptured. Medical treatment must be sought immediately. I’m almost positive I had one of those headaches in the recent past. In addition, the condition was caught in time, so it can be dealt with.

I knew I needed prayers. I wasn’t convinced that mine would be enough. No, I needed a small army to offer up supplications to the Lord. On my behalf. So I did something, I’ve never done on social media. I asked for prayers. The outpouring of support was immediate, and overwhelming. Almost two weeks later, almost 100 people have reached out to me, through messages, phone calls, texts and offers to pray for me. I felt supported. I hope the big man is listening.

So now what? I don’t know. All I know is the what ifs are very scary. I also know that I am a very resilient person, and even if I am in uncharted territory, the only thing I can do is push on. To live and do the same things I had planned before I learned of this terrible news. To always have a powerful prayer in my soul asking for the God in Heaven to spare me. And if this is not his will, to give me strong shoulders.

There are many things I want to do. Adventures to have. People to meet and help. Volunteer projects to take part in. Dreams to come through. Clients to help overcome barriers. An aging mom to take care of. Reunions to attend. Books to write. Pretty Muddy events to run. Home to buy. A business to run. History to explore. Charities to start. Loves to discover. The wonders of the world to visit. Hot balloon rides to take. The list is far from exhaustive.

I don’t plan on hiding away, feeling sorry for myself. The first week was the hardest. I cried, and cried some more. I even questioned, why, at a time in my life, when I was doing so good, this should happen. Then I sobered up, put on my big girl panties and got on with it. I still have days when I wrestle with huge decisions. Days when the darkness comes knocking on the doors of my fears. Days when I wished it was something else. Anything other than this. Please.

Self pity will not destroy my spirit, eat away at my soul, and erode my dreams. I do need prayers. I’m not giving up on my dreams. Quite the opposite. If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it. Sometimes, things happen in our lives, because HE wants us to move in a certain direction.

I will do a lot of things differently. For every breath I take, another soul is taking their last. While this year has carried with it, the most challenging times of my life,  there have been some fantastic memories. I can’t and won’t forget them. Each day I rise. I will grind.

 

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan