Category: Advice

Will U B The 1?

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Jack Kerouac once said: “I don’t know, I don’t care, and it does not make any difference”. This quote appears counterproductive to the point I am trying to make in today’s blog. We’ve all uttered these words. Perhaps, in a futile attempt get someone to stop hounding us about an insurmountable problem. The title of this post might lead some to believe it is about finding the love of their lives. Knowing the signs. And person. To avoid. Etc. Sorry to disappoint.

Today’s post is a horse of a different color. Cliche. It’s about making a difference. In the life of one. Amidst the ills and strife in the world. The Ponzi schemers. Dodgy politicians. Stories of death.Hunger.Starvation.Natural disasters.Animal cruelty.Child slave labor. Civil wars and the resulting death toll. Dictators defying the UN.Human trafficking. Add to this list. Is it any wonder many are disconcerted?Weighed down by heavy burdens of helplessness? Guilt for not knowing what to do. Surely someone else with more prestige, and power,would do a better job. My small, sometimes insignificant efforts don’t really matter. Do they? A band-aid is ineffectual against a gushing wound.

Here is an invitation to consider a different perspective.We are familiar with the Starfish Story. Motivational speakers have used it to energize crowds. And light fires in hearts. Read it here  The Star Thrower. Whether we do a random act of kindness.Volunteer. Or go the extra mile. One simple act can change lives. And restore faith. To the one who received it. And perchance, to the person who saw our selfless example.

Every day the media greets us with one crisis after another. At the forefront is the major humanitarian crisis in East Africa. The unthinkable crimes in the Syrian cities, such as Homs. Let’s not forget the genocides of the early 1990’s. I have often wondered, how can these things be allowed to happen? How can millions starve to death on one continent, while food is being discarded everyday on another? How can one dictator be allowed wreak havoc on people’s lives? We all have questions. And watered down philosophies with which to answer. Not forgetting eloquently spoken rhetorics. It does nothing for the those who are suffering. In the eyes of world. Or the neighbor next door.

Maybe you and I cannot do much for the hunger crisis in East Africa. Maybe we are powerless to go into Syria. And confront the cowards who ruthlessly and methodically take lives to scare. And control. Maybe we can’t bring the men without souls from the Congo, and other areas of the world, in front of the ICC. Try them for kidnapping boys and girls under 15, and force them to take part in hostilities. Justice or karma does prevail, as it did in this case; Well Done . However, we simply can’t stand by. And wait around.

We may not have the money and star power of well-known philanthropists. Or rock stars. The great Muhammad Ali once stated: “You lose nothing when fighting for a cause. In my mind the losers are those who don’t have a cause they care about”. However, we can raise awareness. We can infect our communities with our passion. And enthusiasm. And pray the infection spreads. Like a virus. And contaminate thousands more. We can hold a garage sale. And give the proceeds to charity. We can host a dinner party for friends, present information, and brainstorm ideas of how you can band together. And do something. Most people will help if asked. We don’t have to feel helpless. We don’t have do it alone.We can dedicate a day’s pay or more if you can afford it, to a cause. This site www.onedayswages.org shows you how to do this. Do you draw? Paint? Are you good with your hands? Perhaps you can sell crafts at a fair. And give away all the proceeds.

Here are more ideas by Karen Chaffe. We can help. In our own backyard. Volunteer to read to the elderly or to tutor the young or illiterate. Organize the planting of a community garden in a vacant lot where those on low or fixed incomes can give to putting more food on the table. Donate at or to a soup kitchen, a homeless shelter, or a shelter for abused women and children. Start a neighborhood watch group to help lower crime. Adopt an impoverished family for the holidays, or any day, through your church or place of business. Help them with food and clothing. Start a book drive and make them available to the disabled or to children who have none at home. Cook a meal or run an errand for an elderly, ill, or person with a disability, or a veteran. Involve your children when you can. They will learn by your example.

Permit me to revisit the starfish story before concluding. It is possible the youngster did not save the life of every starfish he threw back into the water. Maybe some of them died. However, for the one (s) that made it? It made a difference.We will not solve all the problems in the world. Truthfully, the problems will remain. Long after you and I have fallen asleep for the last time. Nevertheless while we are here, we have life. And hope. The hope of making a difference in the life of one. Remember how you felt as the recipient of a kind act. You did not ask. Nor hinted you needed help. The person somehow knew.

Who needs our help today? The homeless. The lonely, elderly neighbor. The mother with a mentally disabled child. The person you served his only meal for the day, at the soup kitchen. The animal left for dead, but whom you nursed back to health. The child you sponsored in Africa. And the generations you helped to save. The seat you gave up on public transport. The pro bono work you did for the one who could not pay. The run/walk you completed to raise awareness for a global cause. Shall I continue? No. You get it. Someone benefitted. The one whose faith in humanity you helped to restore. The one who now has more hope for tomorrow.The prayer you just answered.

Time does not allow me to cover all the issues I wanted to get across. I hope we feel a renewed sense of purpose. Remember,we might never see the results of our actions. Perhaps no one will thank us. The situation won’t change much. Perhaps people will question our ability to take matters into our own hands. Then again, we may see small changes.Our actions can spur a movement. A revolution.The march you took part in could result in legislative changes.Or help to create new laws. You can help someone see a better way. After so many have tried. And failed. Someone could be waiting on you to call on them today. This minute. Regardless of how things turn out, the greatest mistake you and I can ever make is to do nothing.

I must thank my fellow blogger and friend Paul, for “planting” the idea in my head to write about this topic. I’m a follower of his blog for a reason. You can check it out here www.mazunguman.com . Our conversation has led me to make a more concentrated effort in learning how to recognize the one who needs my help.

Enjoy one of my favorite songs of all time; Circle of Life

Until the next post, can one person make a difference? You bet.

Best,

Juan

IF This Was My Last Blog Post..

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We never forget defining moments. Where we were. And what we were doing. The Oklahoma City bombing. Sept 11th 2001. The capture of Hussein. And Bin Laden. The minute Obama became president. The death of Michael Jackson. And now Whitney Houston. When a famous personality departs this life, shock, and sadness are expected. The entire world mourns. Understandably so. However, the devil’s advocate in me must ask, are we sad and mournful when countless children die every day from lack of food, and clean water? No. Do their stories make headline news? No. Is there a world while outpouring of grief? No.

Let me hasten to add, I loved Whitney Houston. Loved her music. The woman was a superstar. She blessed us all with a voice that beckons the soul. And stirred hearts. I danced to her songs. Following the loss of my first love, I cried waterfalls every time I heard “I Will Always Love You”. When The Bodyguard was released, I sat like a sardine, in a cinema with temps rivaling the Sahara desert. Because it was the movie everyone had to see. The point is, let us spare a thought for the children dying every day. Can we? Let us remember them in our prayers. In acts of service. Mourn for the loss of young lives. Hopes. And dreams. That will never be. They were snuffed out by starvation. Hunger. Malnutrition. Yes. I know we cannot save them all. But we can save some. Anyway, my soap box has now been placed under my bed. For now.

When the world loses a well-loved figure, naturally, it engenders feelings of your own mortality. I mulled over what I would write about if this was my last blog post. What I would want people to remember? Here are a few the things I would want my readers to be aware of.

(1) I would want you to become aware of the work of Zainab Salbi. One of my heroes. And founder of WFWI . I have pledge my full support behind this organization. WFWI helps women in war torn countries. They have been used as weapons of war. They were raped. Tortured. Abused. Suffered loss of limbs. They have survived genocide. Civil wars. Loss of spouse. And many other atrocities.  Along these lines, I would encourage my readers to choose a passion. A cause. And fight for it. Leave it better than you found it. Make your contribution. In your own way. Don’t stand by. And do nothing. So many people can use your help. The great Muhammad Ali once said: “You lose nothing when fighting for a cause … In my mind the losers are those who don’t have a cause they care about.”

(2) I did what I could with the time and resources given to me. Yes, there were many false starts. Roadblocks. Harsh learning experiences. However, using the knowledge. Experiences. And skills I had, I did what I could to stay standing. I made the majority of my decisions on my own. I took forever + 1 day to figure out everything happens for a reason. People will disappoint you. Cause you grief. Hurt you over and over (if you let them). Break your heart. Let you down. Stab you in the back. But I kept going. TBH, I had no other choice in most cases. Many watched.  Some judged. Others accepted. The rest turned away. I am who I am today, because of where I came from. What I endured. And the choices I made.  One of my favorite songs is “I did it my way” by the man. The legend. Frank Sinatra. Who remembers this quote by Judy Garland? “Always is a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

(3) Despite tremendously painful experiences in my love life. I chose not to give up on it. And the beautiful experience it could be. I still hope (d) to find someone who shares my passions. Drives. Hopes. Dreams. Love of laughter. The husband whose eyes I meet across a very crowded room, and the contact makes me breathless. My palms get sweaty. Heart rate increases. A man who still gives me butterflies 50 years later. He lets me make mistakes. Because he loves me enough to let me find my way. He is in it for the long haul. He makes all my ex’s look like backyard experiments. Because the search is over. It will not take an act of congress for me to love again. I was/am ready. You catch my drift. I love this quote: “When you ex says: you will never find anyone like me, reply with: that’s the point” Anonymous.

(4) Do not lose sight of your dreams. EVER. I recently published my first anthology of poems Have a Read On Me, two decades after being stung by the writing bug. As a teenager, I sat in a fifth form English class, and listened with pride as the teacher read my short story (along with a few others) to the entire class. This is how monsters are created! Is there is something you want? Go for it. No. Scrap that. Chase it. Pursue it. Relentlessly. Leave the naysayers in the dust. And proverbial wet blankets? Let the door hit them on their way out of your life. Do it. Do what makes you happy. Live your dreams. I love, love, yes love this quote: “Listen– are you breathing just a little, and calling it life?” -Mary Oliver

(5) It’s okay to apologize even though you did no wrong. Yes, you read right! “Apologizing doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means that you value your relationship more than your ego”. Before I learnt this valuable lesson, I was there. Holding  the apology until I absolutely had to give it. That was until I saw what it was doing to my spirit. Hear me out. I am not saying to walk around apologizing to everyone. For everything. You will know when it’s needed.  It might be to settle an argument. Soothe hurt feelings. Or just be the bigger person. Try it soon. Sincerely apologize for something you did not do. Use it as a way of opening a dialogue. You will be surprised. I think it was Harriet Beecher Stowe (1865) who said “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and for deeds left undone”

(6) You have the right to forgive yourself anytime you want. Seriously.We are too hard on ourselves. Somehow, we’ve become experts at self-fulfilling prophecies. And social aggrandization. Comparing ourselves to others. Dissecting our failures. Playing host to doubts. Being our own worst enemy. Holding onto things we have done wrong. On and on. And on. Let it go. Forgive yourself. Tomorrow is another day. To start fresh. To move on from this latest failure. The very public fall from grace. It’s the day to look in the mirror. Smile. And say to yourself: “Don’t worry, I got this”. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”Anonymous

(7) If money was not an option: I would work only 6 months out of the year. Volunteer for three. And spend the other three travelling. Life is a rat race. I believe it should also be well-balanced. We work very hard. With very little time to enjoy the benefits. I would volunteer in Africa for a month. Spend another at a shelter for abused women, and the last at a local humane society. As for travelling, I would spend a month in my favorite place. Another in the places I have only seen in my dreams. The last would be determined by closing my eyes and blindly picking a spot on the world map. Dr Kathleen Hall said: “We have overstretched our personal boundaries and forgotten that true happiness comes from living an authentic life fueled with a sense of purpose and balance.”

In closing, the list above is far from exhaustive. However, these are the things I felt impressed to share. Live. Love. Laugh. Forgive. And while you are at it remember this saying: “Life is the ticket to the greatest show on earth!”

So, if you were writing a final epistle, what are some of the things you would include?

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Take This…You Will Need It (ladies)

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The one year anniversary of my return to the blogging world is fast approaching. I started this blog mainly to stay in touch with my nearest and dearest. Doing so led to a journey of self-expression, and discovery.

Valentine’s Day is upon us. Yet again. As it always does. No. This post is not about any of the sappiness generally associated it. Yes. It’s expected. Some type of declaration. Perspective on love. And the single life. A yearning for companionship. An update on your love life. I believe that if anyone. Be it a man. Or woman. Waits until Valentine’s Day to express extra love and appreciation, they are failing miserably.

This post is of a different nature. About a week ago, I received shocking news .My cousin’s long-term boyfriend (14+yrs) viciously attacked her, and another friend. The attack (a total of 18 stab wounds) was witnessed by their two children. Sadly, the last memory these kids will have of their father for a long time, is one in which he tried to kill their mother. And in the process rob them of a father too. However, it was not her time to go. If you believe in a God. Deity. Sculpture. Stature. Whatever. The powers that be have other plans for her life.

I was shell-shocked for days. The previous Christmas, I went home after being away for more than a decade. I spent time in their company. Lovely family I thought. The young man in question and I attended the same primary school. My cousin is a strong, beautiful woman. She did not deserve the emotional scars inflicted on her. Or the kids. She will get through this.

As I mulled over the incident, it was a struggle not to hate this man. I went through a series of emotions. Anger was the most recognizable. Finally, my thoughts rested on what attracts us to each other, and in particular how a relationship gets started. Generally, it all starts with a pick up line. An attraction. Yes.

Ever wonder how some guys always manage to say the right things? Listen up. A few months ago, I came across a television program, called the PUA~ The Pickup Artist. A show which taught men the techniques, body language, and words to use to score a date. Get a first kiss. Keep  women interested. Keep her wanting. To seduce her. Pretty much how to have women eating out of their hands.

I remembered SMH, and thinking how freakishly sad. I stared in disbelief as these men worked their “majic” on the unsuspecting women. I soon forgot about it however. Life went on. A few weeks ago, memories of the PUA flooded my subconscious. During a convo with someone, I learned there were places, websites, books, etc, where men can go and hone their skills.

My mind went into overdrive. So, I decided to investigate the matter. There is a book called Double-Your-Dating. With a corresponding website Double Your Dating. Users are invited to sign up for newsletter updates. I shook my head in awe. There is one company here in the UK, the  PUA which runs booth camps, complete with self-proclaimed instructors, who for a fee, will get guys into “shape” to attract women. Be sure to read the reviews! There are a lot more out there, such as This, which might be an US based sight.

I cannot keep this knowledge to myself. I have more than a few girlfriends who have been hurt so many times, I gave up counting. My own education on the matter continues. I leave it up to you, to decide how to use this knowledge. Hopefully, the women reading this will pass it onto the women in their life. Ladies, wouldn’t it be good to recognize a pick up line that is rarely used? When you are being taken for a ride? Some tactics are easily recognizable. Many are downright stupid. Others simply leave you speechless. Click on this link Top 10 Pick Up Lines  and get ready to ROFL.

However, some guys are so smooth. Their tongues are even slicker. They are clever. Charming. They are Master PUA’s. It’s harder to spot them. They are at the top of their game. It takes a while to figure them out. But eventually you do. And hopefully, it‘s not too late. You have not become another statistic.  I think it would be funny if a guy uses a one liner on a woman, and she turns to him and say ‘Double Your Dating, page 4 right?” or “The PUA episode 3”. Unfortunately, it’s happened to all of us. At one point or another. If we are indeed honest with ourselves, when we look back on certain relationships, we will wonder, what in the world?

I am well aware that not every man subscribes to this type of mentality. There are men with good souls. Warmth. Caring. Gentleness. Men who are genuine in their words and actions. I salute you. However, on the other side of the coin. Some are not. They are predators. They are unavailable. They were unavailable before you met them. During the dating process. And will be, long after you decide it’s time to move on. Read this article and see if you have ever dated a chap who fits this description of Unavailable Men. I know I have!

So, how do you separate the wheat from the tares? The wolves in sheep clothing? Practice. Learn your lessons. Pay rapt attention. A lot starts with the first meeting. How you two become so besotted with one another. Statistically, women start labeling relationships long before men. Carefully observe him. Listen to what he says and does to get your attention. See if the same words and actions continue. Or stops after a heartbeat. The majority of my followers are female. A word to the men; if you are reading this, and it does not apply to you, you will not be offended.

If you are a decent, hard-working fellow, who has never had to use any form of manipulation, to attract and keep the affections of a woman, you will not be offended. If you believe that a man should use his natural ability, be himself, and be confident in the fact that one day, he will find his companion, you will not be offended. If you are gentleman who has treated women honestly and fairly. Say what you mean, and mean what you say, then again, it bears repeating, you will not be offended. I won’t keep going. You catch my drift.  However, if this is not you. Get with it. I make no apologies for reminding you of your cowardice in using tactics to get and keep. Remember this quote: “The Karma of mistreating a good woman is the one you finally end up with”. I had to change the curse words!

Life is a risk. Loving someone is a risk. Expressing interest in someone, knowing it might not be returned. Is a risk. We cannot help who we are attracted to. This is a scientific fact. However, you can control how the relationship progresses. Sure, many of us have been forced to learn the same lessons over and over again. Until we get it. Until the brain and heart finally become synced. With love and relationships, they are generally not speaking the same language. Let alone living in the same body! I wish I had come across this information in my teens, twenties, and even in the recent past. I realize now that there are lessons I had to learn. Through some very painful, and emotionally draining experiences.

I hope this post enlightens my fellow sisters. And let the PUA know that at least the women reading has a better idea of what to look for. I hope women peruse the sites mentioned above.  Search for others. You will learn something new.  You will cringe, as I did, when you remember times when you fell for a particular line or tactic. Hook. Line. And sinker. Like a kid in a candy store.

At the risk of being repetitive; fantastic men still walk the planet. However, it’s the not so good which must be sifted. Like wheat. The ones who actually pay to be taught how to attract and seduce women. The ones who watch videos, and read books on how to manipulate you. And a situation for their benefit. So. Next time a guy walks up to us, uses body language, and lines which sound as though they were marinated with honey for weeks, you will recognize it. You will not fall for it, all over again.

You will be more cautious. And decipher whether he can be given the benefit of a doubt. You will be smarter than the average cookie. The lights will be on, and this time, someone will be home. YOU. You might actually be saving yourself from a lifetime of hurt. Pain. Disillusionment. Anger. Emotional scars that takes decades to heal. And the ones that never do. You will learn how to recognize your future ex-husband.

In the season of love, you might be lonely. Anxious. Even mildly depressed on the Valentine’s Day. Newspaper, store, and TV ads will cause you to wonder when you will get your turn. You will be reminded of a time when there was someone. This Valentine’s Day your arms are empty. There will be no flowers. No romantic dates. No passionate kisses.

I hope you spare a moment to reflect on this thought: think about the men you were saved from. You’ve had some really close calls. Afterwards, celebrate you .The wonderful. Loving. Intelligent. Caring. Gorgeous. Smart woman you are. The one your mother raised you to be. You will kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your prince. However, he will be worth it. He will look only upon your heart. He will complement your life together. All other men will be put to shame. He will love the person you are. Without reservations. And conditions. You will be happy. You have to believe that.

One final note; women play games too. I welcome a response(s) from any chap with his take on the games women play.

Here is a pick up line and a subsequent response; Guy:”What’s your sign?” Gal: “Do not enter”…:)

In ending, choose well. And wisely.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

BeFoRe ThE NiGhT EnDs

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I have a love affair with New Age music. Give me Yanni. And Enya. Over Hard Rock. Country. Ear-splitting heavy metal. Any day. My taste in music is rather eclectic. New Age ranks pretty highly. In Yanni’s 2009 album Yanni Voices, Leslie Mills sang a number called “Before the Night Ends”. A song which has strummed chords on the windows of my soul lately. My life is becoming full circle. Not a moment too soon. I will revisit this later.

I’ve had countless conversations with friends, family, even total strangers about dreams they have. Adventures they long to pursue. One of these days. “Before they kick it”. Predictably, the ending comes with a long drawn out sigh. Words to the effect of “One of these days, I will do ……. (Fill in the blanks). I just don’t have time. Nor the money. Maybe when circumstances change. And things get better”. These words have fallen from my lips. Until reality bit.

Tell me if the following does not reek with the curse of familiarity. Many attend college. Get a degree. Then a job. Work for decades. Save for retirement. Somewhere in between, start a family. Raise kids. Help pay for a wedding. If not all of it. A vacation or two is squeezed in somewhere. Maybe once per year. Or every few years. Retirement arrives. In all its glory. So are the days spent seeing one health specialist after another. Or perhaps playing bingo. Or bridge at the local community centre. Some are caught raising grandkids. Or babysitting them. Others volunteer. Before you know it. Your time is up. Death has dues which must be paid. An alarming number of people fit this mold. Don’t they? Scary.

Let’s put religion and philosophy aside. At least for this post. Humor me.Please. What do you want to make of life? What are the things you dream of doing? Let’s list some examples: travel. Run a marathon. Write a book. Find a cause and fight for it. Develop a new talent. Go kayaking. Or sky diving. Learn a new language. Or a new dance. Act on stage. Do a standup comedy act. Sing karaoke in public. Take part in a competition. Be homeless for a day. Organize a charity fundraiser. Attend the concert of your favorite artist. Start a business. Return to school. Offer your services pro bono. Truly the list is infinite. Hopes and dreams so far out of reach. One day. Is the vow.

I am not advocating irresponsibility. Nor reckless abandon. Let alone throw caution to the wind. Heck, I am not even suggesting you become an overnight adrenaline junkie. Just a nudge in the direction of pursuing your dreams. Perhaps with more vigor. More meaning. Intensity. As if you won’t ever get the chance again. How long will you live? What will happen to you between now and then? If only anyone knew. That’s just it. No one does. There are no do over’s. Just fresh starts.

Fear is a reason why we don’t pursue our dreams. It may not work. A train wreck in the making. We are afraid of failure. Before even trying. Don’t forget what others might think. Or say. Or do. We want it. Sure sounds nice. However, we don’t even want it bad enough. We have a changeable list. Depending on circumstances. We cross out and replace. It seems so silly now. An asinine childhood dream. Mature adults put away self-indulgent fantasies don’t they? But wait. Perchance there is another reason. One we are afraid to tell ourselves. The fact we just don’t have the gumption. The nerve. Get-up-and-go.

We can’t overlook the possibility of wasting precious time. And resources. On a venture which may never come to fruition. So why even bother? These are some of the things we tell ourselves. When we try to rationalize away our failure to try. When we look in the mirror. And stare at the only person standing in our way. The things we tell ourselves to sleep better at night. Things that give comfort when we are alone with our thoughts. When the silent, inner battle continues to rage. Fiercely within our souls. Battles which can easily be won with one resolve. Courage.

Sure, some things take time. Resources. Careful planning. Others do not. We have vivid memories of the time when a dream was within our grasp. With trepidation, we reached forward. Hands trembling. Fists closed. But Alas! Frayed nerves took over.  The smell of failure distorted our vision. Unable to see clearly. We stumbled. We saw a sign with the words “WHAT IF” in bold letters.

The immediate thought is to quit now. And try later. We pulled back. And retreated. Boy that was close!! Maybe some other time. Except of course that time never comes. Fast forward to old age. If we are lucky. Circumstances have drastically changed. Sure we have time. But what else? Empty nest syndrome has quietly let itself in. Taken up permanent residence. Resources might be limited. Good health depends on the weather. And other circumstances.

Some of my readers might think this post is too satirical. Downright disconcerting. No one is comfortable contemplating the possibility their life will mimic the scenes described above. No way. This post perfectly describes someone else. Think for a moment. Or more. If someone writes your autobiography, think how it will seem to readers. Will it be a struggle to get past the introduction? Or will they stay up all night to see what happens next? Yes, some of us want a quiet, peaceful existence. We simply want to work. Raise our kids. And be happy. Nothing wrong with that.

However, if you are anything like the rest of us. You want all the above and more. To grab life by the horns. And don’t let go. To live your dreams. Write your own life story. Instead of it being written for you. To live life with no regrets. You are fully aware of the things you want to do. You would rather regret the things you did do, instead of those you did not do. Then I am speaking to you. To the part of you that has been restrained for too long. The inner spirit which looks around and crave more. A lot more. You are restless. Fidgety. It’s like asking a two-year old to sit through an hour-long meeting with arms folded. Uh huh. You should be making things happen. You don’t care about resolutions. Things are either going to happen. Or they are not. You know who you are. Go on. Get out. Get yours.

Back to why I mentioned the song “Before the Night Ends”.  In summary, the songwriter hopes to find her love before the night comes to a close. No matter what. I have included a link below for your listening pleasure. I am taking a few years off before I return to school to pursue a doctorate. I have thought long and hard about what I want to do until then. I have even toyed with the idea of putting it off for a bit longer. Travel and teach. Pursue new interests. Volunteer. Etc.

I can see the ones who like comfort zones. And safety blankets. Shaking their heads. The wheels are churning. Furiously. The natural order of things after earning a graduate degree, would be to either get a well-paying job or return to school. Surely, this places me in a position to earn a six figure income in the next several years. Pad my bank account. Secure my retirement. Save for the European cruise. Add to the list of should. This is what the world says. True. What family expects. That is a given. What friends will advise. They are trying to help right?

This is how I see it. There will be time to make money. A lot of it. Whether or not I have money, I have chosen to be happy. To be at peace with my decisions. There will be time to enjoy the fruit of my labors. I refuse to say decades from now: “How I wish I had…”.Instead, I let work, things, and the ever popular wet blankets get in the way. Who is to say I am going to live to enjoy all the money I have stashed away for decades? Now I am not going to be careless, by not planning for a financially secure future. That is if it comes. A girl has to have her wits about her. Same for the guys. However. In the interim. I will do the things which make me happy. I will live my best life.

Finally, whether you are in your 20’s, 30’s like me, 40’s whatever….before the night ends…what do you hope for? How will this hope become a reality? Before “your teeth are in a cup, eyes on the shelf, and ears on the nightstand”, I hope we are chasing our dreams. Not someone else’s. Let alone what everyone expects you to do. That you are living your best life. Or doing something about it. If you were viewing scenes of your life years from now.  Let’s hope you enjoy what you see.

Enjoy this Leslie Mills number :

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Cross…..sdaoR…..

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It’s a New Year. New starts. Resolutions.Do’s. Don’ts.Decisions. Making them.Keeping them.Hoping you get it right. Let’s get this party started!

I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago. Our conversations are generally easy. Like a comfortable chat with someone you’ve known for a bit. I explained some of my growing frustrations. My friend thought I was in a “waiting room” of sorts. Yes. You know. The waiting room of life. Consider this analogy. You are waiting to see your GP/PCP.  You know. The interminable wait: to see the good doc for a few minutes. When the nurse assistant appears/the monitor beeps. Everything else fades. You hold your breath. Heart rate momentarily increases. Eyes and ears strain to hear/see your name. Unconsciously, you reach for your belongings. It has to be you. No one else has waited as long, have they? If only you could get through the first door. To the next waiting room. You will be one step closer to seeing the health magician. But alas. Joe Schmo gets called. You swallow the bitter taste of disappointment. Enter reality. Maybe next time. For now, it’s back to the waiting game. The cycle of it all.

Has your life ever felt that way? As if you are stuck in reverse? You arrive at a destination. Precious time and sacrifices got you there. The plan succeeded. But now what? What’s beyond this goal? You can’t shake the feeling that something is missing. Do you long to travel? Perhaps get a new job. Enter into the relationship you finally have time for. Mend another. Declutter your life. Move away. Whatever the situation. You can’t move on until you get past this. Whatever this happens to be. For us. If you’ve been there. Or you are here. Chances are you have arrived at a Crossroad in life. What happens next will change your life. For the better. Worse. Or maybe it wont. Once we find ourselves at a Crossroad, how should we proceed? How can we be certain we are making the right decisions? Decisions that will impact you. And future generations.

As 2011 drew to a close, I looked back on the things I accomplished this past year. A sudden realisation struck me : it’s as if my life is just beginning! As such, I feel as if I am waiting for the next big adventure. The next big conquest. Before I kick it, I want to teach in Africa. Sudan is on my mind. It will take 1-2 years before this goal is realized. For now, however, I am once again face-to-face with this incurable disease of wanderlust. It’s back. Never left. I applied a small band-aid to a gushing wound when I made the decision to study in the UK. But alas as it always does, time came knocking. The band-aid has been rendered useless. As I knew it would. The wound has been reopened. No band aid will fix it this time around. It’s time to apply firm pressure, and perhaps a visit to places, situations, and relationships which will soothe my soul and provide healing. Decisions that will cause me to choose a particular fork in the road, versus another. Questions should not be turned into a bunch of jumbled up musings. Where do I go from here?  I know one thing for certain. If and when I get to old age, I would rather regret the things I did do, instead of the things I did not do.

I know the typical answers. Pray. Done. Find a purpose and fight for it. Check. Develop new passions. Double-check.Yep. The whole lot. Having made up my mind on what I wanted to do, I thought my readers would like to hear another perspective. While at uni, I met a truly wonderful human being. Her name is Antje Goldner. She willingly agreed to contribute to this piece. I am grateful for her response. I am a regular reader of her blog, click on the link below to find out why.

Here is Antje’s take :

“Recently, while I was home in southern Germany, I went with my family on a walk organized by a local historian, who took us on a pretty hike and stopped at certain points along the way to give little talks on some historical events or facts connected to that area. Towards the end of the hike he stopped at a quiet little crossroad to tell us a local legend of how the people in the village nearby used to believe that the devil would manifest itself at this spot on New Year’s Eve, just at the stroke of midnight. He added that in medieval times, crossroads in general were considered unlucky and frightening. This made me think of all those legendary blues musicians from the southern states of the USA, who were said to have stayed out on an empty country crossroad over night to meet the devil, giving it their souls in exchange for the ability to play their instruments better than anyone else.

How come that crossroads are feared the same in different cultures and throughout different times? I guess it has something to do with insecurity. At a crossroad you have to make a choice and usually, you have to make it by yourself. Maybe you have to leave a well-travelled path and choose one that is only the merest outline on the ground. Or you are afraid of losing your own way by choosing one that a lot of people have gone already. Whichever way you choose, you don’t know where it will lead; you don’t know who you will meet along the way, who you will have to leave behind, how you will change by walking that road. Most importantly: you don’t know if your choice will be the right one.

I used to agonize over this. I think everyone does at some point in their lives. Some people never stop. If you are one of those people, I have a thought for you: how do you know if a direction you took was wrong or right? You will never know! You will never be able to go back and take that exact same decision at that exact same crossroad again. Even if you were able to go back to the crossroad, it would not be the same, because you would have a whole set of new experiences with you. So if you cannot know, there is no need to dither, or to agonize. Once I fully realized this, I stopped worrying about those frightening crossroads. Nowadays, I just take the one that feels or looks right at that point. It works for me. I travel lighter, and if I feel that my path is not perfect, I don’t think about going back and taking another road – I think about how I can improve the road I am on.

If you are still standing at your crossroad, unable to move on, insecure, unsure – remember that the only difference between the one road and the other is quite simply your choice. By choosing one road above another, you make it different. You make it yours. And once you are past that crossroad, don’t think about it again. Believe me, it’s not worth it. Instead, keep your energy and your attention to the path you are walking on now. Look out for the little surprises along the way – the unexpected vistas, the flowers growing in colourful clumps here and there, your fellow travellers who will make you laugh and cry. Keep your eyes open and appreciate the details and you will be surprised by what you see. And if you still find that you don’t like this path, don’t worry: there’s another crossroad coming up, right behind the next bend in the road”.

Antje (http://crestingthewords.wordpress.com)

Finally, if you are struggling with where to go. What to do. How to get there. Pray about what is best for you. Act upon the promptings you will receive. Once you have made the decision. Do it. Try not to waver. Or wonder about the “what if’s” in life. They will always be there. Whether or not you succeed. Or fail. Think about the choices that have brought you to this point. There is no do over. But there are fresh starts. Millions crave the opportunities that we have. We have freedom. Health. Hope. Opportunity. You name it. You know your blessings. You are the only person standing in your way.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

“The Struggle Ends When Gratitude Begins”

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Yesterday was Thanksgiving in my adopted country of America. Millions of families sat around the dinner table.  In some homes, a prayer was offered. Everyone would be given the chance to share something they are grateful for. They will enjoy the simple act of being together as a family. Immediate. Extended. And borrowed. In other homes, a different scenario played out. In the next few days, any leftover turkey will be polished off. In soups. Sandwiches. Stews. What else? In essence, many will vow not to eat another bite of turkey until next year.

Feelings of nostalgia rushed to the surface. Memories flooded my thoughts. I remembered how I spent most of my Thanksgivings in the USA. The homes I was always invited to. The people who loved and cared for me during the holidays. Because my own family was thousands of miles away. Treated me like one of their own. Sent me off with an extra plate. The same families who had me over for Christmas. New Years. Sunday dinners. Today, I took some time to reflect on the things I am grateful for. However, before we can appreciate our blessings, there must be sacrifices. Tests of faith. Cleansing. An awakening. Realization that we have so much. Me. In the past few months.

One of my many weaknesses is not opening up to people. Yes, there is a select few. Really select. Very few. I am trying to be better. The past few months have been hellacious. One would never know by looking at me. Sometimes, I smiled when I want to cry. Say I am okay so people won’t worry. Pry. Ask questions. I employ many defense mechanisms to “get by”.  No one really wants to hear my problems. Do they? They have their own. Heavenly Father must know that I am strong enough to handle them. These are the conversations I have with myself.

It’s been a struggle against pessimism. Gloom. Doubt. Cynicism .TBH.  Let me explain. In the past 2-3 months, someone I stood by, when everyone else walked away, finally showed their true colors. Soon after, I learned the person who I looked up to as a father figure, does not deserve the honor. Never did. The news shattered my belief in role models. Shook my trust . For one month I lived with the landlady of all landladies. A horrid person. Next, unbelievable news came from SVG, that my cousin has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Given less than a year to live. A young man in his mid twenties. Full of life.  Moving on, my carefully laid plans are being threatened by unforeseen circumstances. More recently, and in matters of the heart, love appears elusive. I will always care for this person. Deeply. What’s next? How will I end the year? Should be interesting.

Yes. It has been hard not to let pessimism rule my thoughts. And actions. A reprieve came just days ago. A bright spot amidst the dark abyss. I earned my Master’s degree. A milestone . The feat helped to soothe some of the hardships experienced this year. I want to look at the adversity differently. I want to think it’s good  “my friend” showed their true colors in the nick of time. Not later. I want to think my father figure is only human. Imperfect. Flawed. Just like the rest of us. I was the one who thought he was the closest thing to perfection there is. To think the old landlady helped me to appreciate the one I have now. The difference is black and white. Literally. To think my cousin’s terminal illness is a reminder of how fragile life is. To think the plans that I made might not be in tandem God’s. This does not sit well at all.  Hard to accept. Tough to swallow. As for romance? Well, after 30+ years on the planet, realization hit me. Or rather it has come full circle. The time has come to face the reason behind my relationhsip patterns. Fact: our childhood shapes every aspect of our lives.

So. Despite everything. I am grateful for life. And what it represents. The ability to breathe-reminds me I am alive. Live-despite the odds. Eat-because I have food. Sleep-so I can be refreshed in the am. Laugh-at myself, and my silly mistakes. Walk-because I am not confined to a wheelchair. Talk-it means I can express myself. Feel-pain,so I can appreciate joy. Believe in love-one day it will find me.Think-about my actions. Clothes to wear-there is more than enough. A roof over my head- I am not homeless. The church I belong to-a sure foundation. Parents-who love. The publication of my first book-a journey which took years. The ability to write-helps me to handle my emotions. To hope-one day I will get mine. To live in a free country- enjoy so many liberties. To have an education- make a difference. Make my own decisions-not have them dictated by anyone else. To know I am loved by so many-they have my best interest at heart. The blessings are enormous-I must always  remember.

I am not sure what problems might be troubling you today. Many of us fight daily battles. Silently. Bravely.We struggle to keep going amidst the turmoil of life. We wrestle against the odds. Winning some. Losing others. Our burdens weigh heavily on slumped shoulders. But they keep coming. Our own personal, private “Gethsemanes”. Excruciatingly painful experiences. We must be polished, like gems. I don’t know what your individual struggle is. What I do know is that “Sunday will come”. For all of us. That we will always have more than we need. The old cliché “someone else has it harder” is true. I have seen it.

This quote was shared with me more than ten years ago. It’s etched in my memory. You may recognize it : “Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of – throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself” CS Lewis. The man was a literary genius!

So. In closing. Long after family leaves. The last bite of turkey eaten. And life before Thanksgiving returns. May we remember that in our darkest days. And Nights. When the winds and waves of life starts knocking us about. Remember. He knows. He is there. May we never forget: “The struggle ends, when gratitude begins”

Until the next post….

Best,

Juan

“A gem cannot be polished without friction,nor a man perfected without trials”

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Recent events in life have propelled me to reflect on life and its many lessons. Occasionally, there is a need to remind myself of how precious life is. The need to cherish loved ones. Reach across the divide. To mend hearts. Homes. Lives. Again, writing is therapeutic for me. I write about things I struggle with. General observations. Experiences. And one day when I am brave enough, my “gethsemanes” .Writing provides perspective. Tutors me. Reminds me of my limitations. The need for change. And everyday learning.

Today’s post is about trials. Yep. Problems. Affliction. Adversity. Burden. Stumbling blocks. Add your own soubriquet. Question: what would we do differently if we got a “do over”? Would we avoid some friendships? Relationships? Job choices? Lifestyle? You name it. I wonder. Don’t you? But there is no “do over” is there? Nope. Just one chance. You will never see today’s date again. Think about it. Recently, my face book status read: “Sometimes life will slap you in the face, well today it punched me”. Some days are worse than others. Tugged in different directions. Feel battered and torn. No one is immune. Or exempted. Sorry. However, how we manage the trials might be the most telling story of all. Read on. See if you agree. Or disagree.

Some trials are more arduous than others. They pierce the soul much deeper. Some come as a result of another person’s agency. Others we bring on ourselves. There is no explanation for the rest. Whatever the cause, we should never lose perspective. Even when they sap our strength. Bring us to our knees. Force us to examine our life. To grow. Ponder our choices. And the choices of others. Are we supposed to learn from them? Depends on the nature of the trial. If the trial is a result of our own imprudent behavior, it goes without saying. Wait a minute. This path looks vaguely familiar. Different circumstances. Yes. But same lesson. What do you know?

Here is an example using procrastination. My own personal struggle. Let’s say I have a paper due in a few weeks. Yet I decide to play hide and seek with the time. As it always does, father time comes calling. The paper is due. Without fail, everything goes wrong. Everything. And no one can help. Pleadings fall on deaf ears. Here is one trial I could have avoided. Right? So I barely made the deadline. Am I still procrastinating? YES! Did I learn my lesson? Yes. No. Maybe. But I should. Until the next crisis that is.The point is, if the trail results from our own shortcomings. If everything is coming coming at us. We are doing something wrong. Time for a reality self check. Perhaps, there is no need to learn the same lessons over and over again.

If we are not learning anything from our trials, it is rather distressing. Trials should remind us of our severely limited capacities as human beings. Show us that we don’t have all the answers. Never have. Never will. They should stretch us. Mold us. Shape us. Make us better than we think we are. Perhaps another person caused the suffering. Maybe we did all we could. But we were blindsided. Careless. Lost sight of the goal. Whatever the situation. No one is perfect. People will disappoint us. Cause us grief. Pain. Worry. Stress. Anger. Sadness. Simply put, our faith in humanity will be tested. Hopefully, through it all, something good resulted. We learned a lesson. Applied it to our lives. And our future. Some trials are actually blessings in disguise. Huh! We just don’t realize it atm.

Being required to go endure multiple trials is not a reason to be bitter. Resentful. Hardhearted. Mean-spirited. Distrustful. Instead see the future for what it is. The future. It has hope. Promise. A life of its own. New beginnings. A word of caution though. When we suffer because of someone else, it seems reasonable to have trust issues. It might be difficult to open up. Building barriers appear inevitable. Defense mechanisms become appealing. But we can cope. We will. We have to. Consider the alternative. There is someone else with even greater struggles. The quadriplegic. The man or woman born blind. Deaf. Mute. Mentally retarded. The homeless. A tiny fraction of the problems you could have. But you don’t. We are truly blessed.We have more than we need. We are alive.

As I battle personal demons. Struggle through my own “Gethsemanes”. I am comforted by the fact that I am never, ever alone. Many people hold a special place in their hearts just for me. First and foremost: “The most powerful being in the universe is the father of my spirit!” Elder Utchdorf. Family. Friends. The quiet, unassuming ones in my corner. Rallying around me to succeed. To give it my best. My trials are my own. If I could not handle them, someone else would have them. Apply these same words to you. I pray that when trials do come. And they will. You and I can find the peace we desperately seek. Whatever our trials are this moment. Remember that we can be uplifted. Supported. Comforted. To know that we can do it. We have to. Giving up is not an option. “May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to make you happy”

Until the next post..
Best,
Juan

The little Things

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Recently, a relationship was dissolved because the individual was bothered by a “lot of little things”, which was further compounded by yet another little thing. A gamut of emotions ensued. Bewilderment. Anger. Followed by acceptance. And sadness. One of the great blessings in my life is the ability to get over things very quickly and move on. A dear friend once told me: ‘Juan, you compartmentalize things”. She might be onto something.

Let me explain the last emotion. I was not sad because the relationship ended. Looking back, I ignored a few warning signs. I was sad because I realized bigger issues were driving this individual’s attitude. Not a judgment. Merely an observation. Four years of studying psychology have given me a better idea of behavior patterns. Despite all the ills in the world, people chose to let strife and hard feelings rule their decisions, and interactions with others.

As a result of this rather unpleasant experience. The “little things” in life grabbed my train of thought. I cringed at the memory of the little things which once infuriated me. Held me captive. Ruled my decisions. It is much easier to think about a happier time. The time when a lot of my “earthly cares” fell away. Giving life and living more room to grow. Flourish. Bear fruit. I have not arrived. No sir. The beat goes on.

In the grand scheme of things. There are little things that should not count. Getting rained on. A late bus. Missing a game. A crying baby. Delayed flight. Parking ticket. Bad customer service. Add to this list. Sometimes the bigger picture gets lost. We are alive to feel the rain drops. The bus probably had mechanical problems. A late driver had a family emergency. A delayed flight might save hundreds of lives. Bad customer service could mean the person just lost a family member. A myriad of possibilities.

We might be powerless to do anything about the world’s most urgent concerns. Starvation. Genocide. Mass rape of women. Situation in the Middle East. Clean water for everyone. Many of us are very fortunate. However, sometimes the little things count. Expressing gratitude. An apology. Making amends. Treatment of a spouse or partner. Saying I love you. Extending a hand of fellowship. An act of service. Non verbal communication. A small decision with lasting consequences. All too often, we mistakenly believe people don’t notice the small things in friendships. Relationships. Acts of service. Fellowship. That’s the issue. We are mistaken. Inevitably, the small things we do might not be acknowledged. Preoccupation with life’s problems. The act went unnoticed. A careless thought. More often than not, in these instances, the little things do matter. To the person who receives it. Will the little things matter a year from now? Perhaps five? Ten? If we truly believe they will, then the memories will be welcoming. Not tinged with regret at something we could have done. Or said.

On a more personal note, there are little things I am working on. Ironically, one of them is not being bothered by people who let little things bother them! Over the past few years I have seen a change come over me. Small. Subtle. A softening if you will. I am the furthest away from being the person I truly want to be. Yet the progress is exciting. I am grateful for all the people in my life. The ones who care. Love. Appreciate. The ones happy for me. I love each of you. I am truly blessed.

“The loudest sound in the world is that of people whining. Don’t add to it” Adrian Salvage. This is my take, what’s yours?

Until the next post…..

Juan

Tomorrow is cancelled…. and so is the day after

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We’ve all felt the frustration and disappointment of putting off things we could have done today for tomorrow. A life-changing decision. Going the extra mile. Saying sorry. Visiting someone. Repairing a broken relationship. Expressing love. Asking for forgiveness. And yes, forgiving someone ~ the topic of today’s blog entry. Each new day presents yet another opportunity. Again, it’s wasted. We are not ready. Too hectic. It’s rather difficult. Sometimes, we simply don’t want to.

What happens when we are offended or hurt by someone? Actions that result in deep wounds. Emotional scars. Feelings of disenchantment. It’s happened to all of us. Be it real or imagined. A criticism from a family member or friend. We were deserted in an hour of need. A coworker or classmate tried to sabotage our efforts on a project. A betrayal of trust. A spouse, partner, or boyfriend cheated. A relationship was abusive. A careless driver totaled the car. A thief broke into our home, and stole our life’s work. A loan was never repaid. The list is infinite. We’ve felt the pain. Heartache. Anguish. The sting. The throbbing.

It is relatively simple to hold a grudge. Not as easy to let go. When someone hurts us, feelings of anger, perplexity, and despondency swiftly settle in. We dwell on them. They fester. We feel entitled. Justified. Anger is validated. The feelings gave way to grudges. Hostility. Thoughts of revenge. Negative feelings overshadow positive ones. We become swaddled by our own acrimony, and sense of evenhandedness. Grudge enters. Makes itself at home. Slowly stewing. Simmering. Waiting. Do we find a way for this unwelcomed guest to leave? Or do we treat it like water in the middle of a desert?

What does holding a grudge do for us? Has anyone ever benefitted by holding onto them? Let me know. Please. Instead, it invites bitterness into every new relationship and experience. Preventing us from enjoying the here and now. New relationships are shunned. It is a breeding ground for melancholy. Angst is cultivated. Bitterness, revenge, and justice receive continual nourishment.

If our tomorrow was cancelled, would we still be carrying a grudge? Refuse to forgive? Words such as pardon, end of blame, absolution, have been used to describe the act of forgiveness. It’s also the choice to let go of thoughts of vengeance, and feelings of animosity. Easier said than done. Incredibly difficult for some. Not all of us are ready to forgive. Others are downright unwilling to do so.

Forgiveness is power, not a weakness. It empowers both the giver and the receiver. Make the decision to not let anger, resentment, and misery rule your life. Yes, some things are much harder to forgive than others. But how long have you been holding onto that grudge? The bitterness? How much longer will the person, situation, or event control your life? Grudges hold us hostage. Limits our friendships and relationships. Opportunities. Being able to grow. To Learn. To trust.

Forgiving someone does not excuse or diminish the offense. Nor does it justify the act. Forgiveness is not easy. It is not an assurance of a reunion .Compromise. Ceasefire. Nor does it mean the offender will change. Or admit to wrong doing. Nevertheless, it does mean freedom. From a tortured soul. Anger. Pain. Resentment. Bitterness. The power to control your life and relationships.

We might be the one requiring forgiveness. It means recognizing our blunders and inadequacies as human beings. Owning up to our mistakes. Swallowing our pride. Asking someone to forgive us. Talk to someone about it. Write about it in your journal. Pray about it. Actively chose to forgive. It’s tempting to feel a sense of entitlement. Refuse to see yourself as a victim. Think about the time when you hurt someone. Was it easy for them to forgive you?

Peter came to Jesus and asked him how often he should forgive his brother who offended him. Was it seven times? In essence, the Lord responded “No, seventy times seven”. That is quite the tallying task if you ask me! Let’s hope that if tomorrow is cancelled, we are not carrying a grudge. I am not advocating burying our heads in the sand. Nor leaving ourselves vulnerable to hurt and pain. Know this; things have a way of taking care of themselves.

Writing is therapeutic for me. Many of the topics I blog about, are things I have either triumphed over, or still struggling with. In this way, I am responsible for changing my own life. Are there people that I need to forgive? A few. Am I working on it? Yes! How is the process? Difficult. Rewarding. Am I happy with the changes? Immensely!

If your tomorrow was cancelled, what would you do today? As for forgiveness, Paul Boese sums it up this way: “Forgiveness does not change the past, it enlarges the future”

This is my take, what’s yours?

Best,

Juan.

Declutter Your Life

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Exams are over. Three months to go. October 2010 is a distant memory .One step closer. What’s next? Well, a few thoughts are a good start. Looking around my room one night, all I saw was stuff. A lot of it. Some will go to charity. Or given away. Most people associate clutter with closets. An overflowing drawer. A garage full of yard sale items. However, there is another type of clutter. Mental clutter. The need we all have to “declutter” our life.Space.Time. Our mental closet. Of things, and sometimes people. The things which annoy us. Drain our mental energy. J-Lo starred in the movie “Enough”. Her husband was abusive. A liar. A cheat. One day, she had enough. She took matters into her own hands. If you have seen the movie, you know what happens next. If not, it’s a good watch.

Mental clutter is the equivalent of walking around with bag of “bricks”. Not the real, literal bricks. They are things or people who keep us from getting to where we want to go. In one form or another. It might be a friend. A family member. A dead-end job. A personal insecurity. A crammed schedule. A poisonous relationship. Whatever the situation, we all have at least one. We sometimes carry unnecessary burdens. We repeat mistakes. The comfort zone is warm.Soothing.Familiar. A change will be nice. Not now though. Later. Yep. “When my teeth is in a cup”. “Eyes on the shelf”. “And ears in a drawer”. If the time has come, read on. Declutter life!

The relationship we have with ourselves. A fitting start. Love yourself. Your strengths. Weaknesses. Shortcomings.Gifts.Talents. Personality. Physical characteristics. The power of you. Some people do not like themselves. The signs may be blatantly obvious. Or subtle. Time to start. You’ve convince yourself for a while. Maybe years. Nevertheless, the façade will slowly crumble. Followed by consequences. Build and strengthen this most important relationship. Look in the mirror, regardless of the circumstances, and love what you see. If not, change it. No one can do it for you. Compete only with yourself. No one else is exactly like you. “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely”-Carl Jung.

Forgive a grudge. Or ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, we hold onto grudges to justify actions. We feel entitled. Who is hurting the most? Pride and selfishness have taken precedence over humility. Life is not about keeping score. Your heart might be heavy either because you hold a grudge, or need forgiveness. Take the first step. It is always the hardest. You won’t regret it. If you did, it was done with resentment. At the end of the day, does it really matter? This is one piece of emotional baggage you will be happy to discard. “To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee”-William Walton.

The on and off again toxic relationship. It is like a drug. Really. An addiction. A Craving. A compulsion. An emotional tug-o-war. The person is in your system. And knows how to stay there. The buttons to push. One day, you keep telling yourself. You will get out. Not today. Things are not always bad. If they would get rid of the one bad habit. Or two. Or three. Excuses. You know it. Get real. Deal with it. Unless of course, you feel you don’t deserve better. Then stay. If you do, it’s time. Declutter your life of the relationships that no longer hold a purpose in your life.” Yearn for where you want to go, not for where you’ve already been. Your future will be better, your days will be brighter, and your nights will be filled with the glorious heavens”-Unknown.

A bad job is better than no job. Right? Bills will not pay themselves. A common sense approach would be to find a better job first. How so? Surely, not a half-hearted effort. Not when there is another office fiasco. If the job requires a monumental effort in the morning, you have your answer.The job offers no way forward or up. Yet you stay. Hoping for a break. A compromise. Years have passed. Nothing. Still waiting. Time to start. Search as though you are unemployed. With vigor.Intenisty.A hunger. Passion. Determination. You might get a hundred “no’s”. One yes will eclipse them all. Free up space. In your mental closet. “You have not had thirty years of experience. You have had one years’ of experience thirty times”-J.L Carr.

The one friend who takes. And takes. And continues taking. Emotionally. Spiritually. Mentally. Drains your physical energy. Keep going. You get the point .Things which causes you to scream inside. The air in the room evaporates when they enter. The benefit of a doubt option is tattered. True, no man can live without a friend. Yes you can. You can live without this one. I’ve had to do it. They were hard decisions. However, I lost some emotional baggage….decluttered. “False friends are like your shadow. Keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine, but leaving us when we cross into the shade”- Christian Bovee.

Living in a “plugged in” society .If you have a Siamese twin-like relationship with your phone. Constantly checking messages. You have more electronic items than you need. You’ve become less-skilled at face-to-face communication. You collect face book friends like a hobby. Or maybe it is bad time management. Admittedly, some things are necessary. Face book serves a useful purpose. However, the extremes are a cause for concern. Technology is amazing, but it can also be a sinister force for a lot of bad habits. Imagine what we would accomplish if we spent less time being “plugged in”. “Technology is a queer thing…It brings you great things with one hand, and stabs you in the back with the other”- C.P.Snow.

The take away message here is to make time for you. Less time for relationships, things, and people who drain your energy. Make a list of all the goals you want to accomplish. Set a time to do so. Ditch the worry. Frustration. Self-hate. Dead-end job. Practice better self-love. Make time for your life to happen. Time for your dreams. Make the “one day” today. You get the idea.

Best,

Juan