Author: gamechangerjo

“I often find nuggets of treasure on Facebook. Treasures of knowledge. Offering inspiration. Hope. Self help. Things I want to remember for the rest of my life. Like the piece below. I hope you know how truly amazing you are!

“We must all learn to love the real us. We must learn to love the real spirit within us. We all are a little foolish and a little immature no matter how many things we achieve in life. Just be proud of what you are. Learn that emotional foolishness that lives inside you. That is the real you. Love that soul inside you which feels, loves, cares, gets hurt, laughs, cries and rejoices on its own. Discover and cherish the beauty of your own soul and then you will be capable of loving another soul beautifully and completely”. Aarti Khurana

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

“Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half”….unknown

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

This well has run dry. It has given its last drop. Bet you never thought it would happen. Each day. You came. Drank. Had your fill. Now. All that remains is a hollow, dry, and severely parched vessel. Which, in it’s prime. Was filled. And flowing. With the most precious resource you had. “You never miss the water until the well runs dry” literally applies. I hope you miss it. No. As a matter of fact. I know you will.

I believe. One day. You will be extremely thirsty. For the nourishment it once provided. The sanctuary it afforded. You will be reminded. There was a time. When you drank freely. Quenched your thirst.  Not necessarily in a physical sense. But. You felt safe. Emotionally content. Loved. Wanted. Needed. An indescribable feeling. Only experienced. By those smart enough. To appreciate its true meaning.

But you took it for granted. Assumed it will always be there. Ready. At your beck and call. You didn’t really appreciate it. Did you? You couldn’t. I think you tried to. I hope you did at some point. But that’s just the fool in me. Desperately seeking some sort of peace. But. Its gone. Every last bit. Time to start digging. In hopes of replacing what’s been lost. To replenish. Perhaps in a place, where it will be appreciated.

And now. You must go. Search of it elsewhere. I am satisfied. In knowing, even if you find another. It will fade in comparison. To what you once had. We both know it. Maybe, just maybe. On your journey. You will learn to appreciate things and people. For what they bring to your life. Not take them for granted. Not abuse the trust and love, they placed in your care. But that’s another story. For another time. To be written by you. For I will only be speculating, if I take it any further.

Go on. You are free now. Good luck on your journey.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

A few weeks ago. I found myself in the middle of a verbal tennis match with a chap. Who reminded me of someone I dated. And loved very much. Tangent alert. I will forever remain perplexed. And confused. About the phenomenon. We call love. Looking back, I can’t help but wonder; where was my head? How could I be so blind? In my defence. And in all honesty, the brain works until you fall in love. Then it abruptly stops. Making sense of things. Thinking intelligently. This is my story and I am sticking to it :). For now.

Anywhooo. Back to the matter at hand. I once dated and loved a guy who thought I was too independent! Seriously? You might ask. But I am not kidding. Wish I was. On more than one occasion, some of his exact words were: “You’re mentally strong, too independent. You don’t need anyone to take care of you. I want to feel needed. I am used to, and prefer women, who wants a man to take care of them…. “. I don’t remember the rest with exactness. But you catch the drift. However, words to a similar effect were used over. And over. Initially, I  brushed them aside . However, as time went by, it became real issue for him. I knew. Sensed. The beginning of the end. Was upon us.

I tried. And failed many times. To explain the struggles I had to overcome.  The experiences which shaped the person he saw before him. For instance, I had to grow up before I was ready. By the age of ten, I knew how to take care of a house. Change diapers. Take care of a toddler. Iron. Cook. Etc. With no dad in sight. Mom worked very hard. She had to. Times were excruciatingly difficult. As an adult, I found myself alone. With no support system. Learning how cope with the end of a relationship. I had moved countries for. And for the past decade, I have been taking care of myself. I am a survivor. Because I had to. He heard all these things. Sadly though. He wasn’t listening.

My fierce need for independence sparked arguments between us. He often felt unwanted. Threatened by the fact, I didn’t “need him”. And I couldn’t give up my hard-fought independence. In the end. Although, we complimented each other in many ways, it was always going to be an issue. Not the only issue. But it was a big one. I felt he was trying to take away something I had fought so hard to get. And keep. Looking back, I did need him, but not in the ways, he felt he should be needed. And I gave up trying to get through to him. Stopped trying to convince him. That what I needed was loyalty. Commitment. To be adored. Loved. Cherished. Protected. The stuff dreams are made of.

So. My questions to you my readers are: can a woman ever be so independent, it turns away potential suitors? How should you handle it if your partner is threatened by your mental toughness? Independent spirit, and nature? Does this mean the relationship won’t endure? How should you adapt? Should you even want to? Have you ever dated someone who was threatened by who you are? How did you handle it? What was the outcome? So many questions. I don’t expect an answer to all of them. Even if there are no answers, it’s okay too.

In my opinion, a woman should be able to take care of herself without needing help from a man. The man/partner should compliment her independence, not stifle it. He should be confident in his own skin. In his own life. To welcome a woman with her own mind. But this is just my opinion. I know there are women out there who will view things differently. And others who will agree with me. Thing is unless you’re living it. Or have lived it. Until then it will be just another post.

To all the independent women within reach of this post. The ones who day in and day out. Handle their own. Who can, has, and continue to survive without depending on anyone. I salute you. Whether I know you or not.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Really. How so? I am sorry. But, I think you meant to say I have stopped living life on your terms. Stopped being a doormat. Finally stood up for myself. Retake control of my life. And declutter it. Of situations. People. And things. Which no longer serve me any good.  Because there comes a point in life. Where you just have to take a good, hard look. At the people around you. And make the decision. Not to put up their malarkey anymore. So. My dear. If that’s what you meant by “You’ve changed”. Then yes. You are right. I have.

Have you been there? Sure you have. You’ve heard: “You know, you’ve changed. You’re not the same person anymore”. Ha-ha. How funny! Chances are. If the person is self-serving. The convo will go something like this:” I don’t think I like this side of you at all. Where did you go? I miss the old you”. And on the flip side. A genuine, caring person will probably say: “Finally, you’re standing up for yourself. I like what I see. Carry on! There is no stopping you”

The last time I heard the words: “You’ve changed”, I took time. To examine my relationship with them. Going back a good couple of years. Why? Because I have noticed. It’s usually after some time, of putting up with their antics. That you wake up one day.  Greeted by a huge epiphany. And say “Enough”.  The decision to change. Any relationship is never easy. However. Only you will know. When the time is right. To truly do so.

So. I am willing to bet. One day’s wage. You’ve heard these words. How did you handle it? What was the outcome? There is a great chance. You second guessed your decision (s). It’s fine. A lot depends on the person’s place and role in your life. Whatever the outcome. I hope it brought you peace. I hope you saw a difference. In the way you live your life. The dreams that have come through. And the ones, you’re still pursuing. Be happy. With yourself. And your decisions. It’s very liberating. Not to be a prisoner. To anyone. Or anything.

It’s normally. The people who have taken a lot. Caused tremendous strain in your life.  Whose actions contributed to unhappiness. Who will not be happy with the new “Change”. Fine. We all need a better support system. People who uplift. Love without conditions. Compliment. Not criticize. Withhold unrighteous judgments. You catch the drift.

So, next time someone says to you “You’ve changed”. Stop. Listen. Process it. And take a good look at the person saying it. Might just be the wakeup call you need.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan