Author: gamechangerjo

Born and raised in the Caribbean. Educated, worked and lived in three countries. Social Services Professional. Join me here, and embark on a virtual journey filled with inspiring anecdotes and some travel escapades, aiming to brighten your day and elevate your mindset. 🌟 Join the community of joy-seekers and travel enthusiasts. #InspireJoy #TravelInspirationHub Favorite quote: "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything, without losing your temper or self-confidence" Robert Frost

REIKI LEVEL 11 CERTIFIED (updated)

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

reiki1(Photo credit: prilliman.tripod.com)

22/03/2016 Update: I’ve now completed Reiki Level 11. Happy Days. Since embarking on this journey, something incredibly fascinating, and almost unbelievable, has happened to me. People not meant to be in my life, have disappeared. Let me explain; all contact and communication in every form, has abruptly stopped. I even tried communicating one more time. Nothing happened. Initially, I was very bothered by this, as people generally want to be around me. Hurt even, as they were people I welcomed with warmth, into my life. The answer came to me after a little while: “this is what you ask for every time you perform a self-treatment. You ask the universe to direct the energy for your highest good“. The trouble is, I’ve never specifically asked or set any intention around people. I’m still coming to terms with this. The journey has only just begun.

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Oh! What an incredible spiritual journey this year has been! And there is so much left of it! I completed my Level 1 Reiki course almost a month ago. In Level 1, you’re invited to schedule your attunement (the ability to perform Reiki  on yourself and others). I decided to wait until the recommended post attunement – 21 day period of self treatments, post a before writing about it.

In the course forum, I noticed some have completed the entire Master course in 45 days. I plan on taking twice as long. I just became certified at the first level. Before moving on, I plan on immersing myself in all the knowledge I can get my hands on. I’ve already read three E books on the subject. I’m more than hooked:). I’m now halfway through Level II

We have an online community where you can share your experiences, ask questions, and access resources. Students have shared experiences of having visions, all over body tingling, being connected with love ones etc during the attunement. I wondered what mine would be like. The Master/teacher gives you all six levels of  attunement at once. To be honest, I was a bit skeptical that someone in another country, thousands of miles away, could make me feel anything. I was so wrong. Very wrong.

I think some things should remain sacred, so I’ve since removed the description of the sensations and feelings I had during the process. I laid in bed for almost ten minutes after, as I wanted to savor the experience for as long as I could. I supposed I needed such a vivid attunement, as I could be very skeptical. I was in awe of what had transpired. Today, I’ve got a headache, and a bit of nausea, but I supposed this is the body detoxing itself. I’m so grateful I found Reiki at this time, as there are so many other stresses in my life. Or maybe it’s the Reiki who found me. Thank you very much Lisa, and everyone for sharing your own attunement experiences. Love and light to all”

As part of the process, you’re expected to go through a detox, mainly of emotions, which results in physical symptoms. One can expect healing from trauma, abuse, negative energy etc. Depending on how blocked your chakras are, you experience the detox differently. In the days that followed, and up to this point, while performing the self treatments, it was confirmed to me, Reiki was going where it’s supposed to.

Every time I perform a meditation and self treatment, I can’t tell you how many times I can feel the energy vibrating and extending all over my body. It is especially powerful when I linger over my heart chakra. There have been so many burdens I’ve carried, past hurts held onto. Toxic and negative emotions that were holding me prisoner, and preventing me from attracting the right people and things into my life. I know this now.

Its worth mentioning, that I used to have a restless energy… I would lay awake for hours, trying to fall asleep. Ever since my attunment, as soon as I’m finished with my self treatments, sleep comes naturally and quickly. Every day, I find myself repeating the Five Principles several times, as the temptations and distractions come it. Guess what? It works!

This year, if I don’t accomplish anything more than  peace of mind, extending forgiveness, and having a balanced life, I’ll be more than happy. I didn’t plan for this stage of my life. It somehow has found me. In my daily actions, I find myself becoming more kind, more tolerant, more loving. I honestly cannot wait to see where I am a year from now.

 

Until the next post,

 

Love and light,

 

Juan

Just For Today!

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

reiki-precepts

Photo: Reiki.net (via google images)

I’m glad I kept track of the little blessings, which came my way last year. The year passed with some incredibly painful lessons. However, it helps to look back on each day, and see how the universe conspired to give me the things I needed, at that time. I’m still in the process of tidying up the #project#. I’m not sure if I will continue the project for 2016.

With this being said, if you’re into natural energy healing, and self-improvement, you will immediately recognize the title of today’s post. Yes! The Reiki Principles. In 2014, I was at a really low point in my life, when I reached out to a Reiki  healer for help. The experience touched me, and I felt its effects for weeks. Everything comes full circle, doesn’t it? I somehow felt led to this healing modality. I still don’t remember what propelled me to take up this course.

I partied hard into 2016. Hours later I enrolled on two online courses; Reiki 1,11, Master, and NLP Practitioner. In one of the first few lectures, the instructor said: “You might have just found Reiki at the right time in your life!”. I hope so. Reiki can help us heal ourselves and others, bring guidance to our lives, create opportunities for continual growth, unfold and awake our boundless potential. I want all of this. I’m not sure if I found Reiki at the right time, or it found me.

I want to spend the next year performing self-healing treatments, practicing on others, distance healing, and learning all I can about this modality. When I do become a Master Teacher, I want to feel like it. There is no limit to what I can do a year from now. Some choose to open a Reiki business. I can’t say if that is my goal at this time. We will see what happens.

I’ve just finished the first section of Level 1, and I am hooked. I’ve already learned the basics to clearing the negative energy blocking the Chakras. I’m so excited for what’s next! My life time attunment has already been scheduled, this should be a turning point in my life. Once I’m attuned, I can start to heal myself and others. I plan on practicing on my self for a long time first. In Level II, one of the things I will learn, is how to put a Reiki box together, I need this more than ever. Be warned though; as I make discoveries, they will turn into blog posts.

 

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

Happy New Year!

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

71s-dqLSxpL._SL1500_

What did the dawn of 2016 find you doing? Partying hard, or a quiet night at home? I know my US family spent it in church. For so many, it’s a time of reflection, resolutions, and planning. I wanted something different. A few months ago, I went in search of, and found it.

I got all dolled up in a stunning, red evening gown, dotted with silver and white stones, matched with a silver clutch purse, red pumps, and the silver mask above. I attended my first NYE Masquerade Ball. At £80 per person, we were expecting a lot. The hotel didn’t disappoint. On arrival, we were offered a glass of champagne, and had a photographer take pictures. At 8pm, we were served an absolutely delectable five course meal. The night also offered free photo booth, a fabulous DJ, and a live band.

You never know what you get with live bands, but this one was buzzing! The band had so many jumping,dancing, and singing all night. Two hundred people strong; in ball gowns, and black ties. Right after the countdown, we joined arms and danced in circles to sing Auld Lang Syne. There was enough hugs and kisses to go around. My party danced from 10:30pm to 1:45 am. You do get what you pay for, and I was glad we decided to pay more. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to enter the New Year.

Thank you for your support through all these years. I hope 2016 is your best year ever. “Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today”

Until the next post,
Best,

 

Juan

2015 in review

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 70,000 times in 2015. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 3 days for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

I Rise. I Grind.

Published on by gamechangerjo1 Comment

 

tumblr_nnh1otey121tluuago1_1280

Recently, I blogged about how good things were going for me. For the first time in a long time, this girl was content and happy. Well, as it always does, life happens. Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was brought to a place I’ve never been before. Never envisioned. I visited several dark places. There was no one there to welcome me, give directions, or show me the way out. It was just me. With my thoughts and fears. Off in the distance, very far away, I did catch glimpses of the dreams I have, and if it wasn’t for those glimpses, I would still be in the dark place.

I returned for the results of an MRI and CT. I had an aneurysm. As the Neurologist read the results and my options, I looked to my left. I was curious about how the receiver was taking the news. Unfortunately, it was just me, and the junior doctor in training. And the Neurologist certainly wasn’t facing him. I sat in stunned silence, staring at the man whose lips were moving. All I heard was, “You have an 8-9mm aneurysm. Because of your age and its size, you’ll be meeting with an MDT team to discuss surgery, which is risky and invasive”.

I mean, how could this be? I initially went to see the doctor for dizziness. At the worse, I thought medication would be prescribed, and at the very least, it would be controlled. I had prepared myself for some type of tumor, which can be removed. Even hearing early onset of some disease, was expected. Instead, I was told that the older I get, my risk of a stroke increases. The doctor must have seen the supersize struggle I was having, as I fought the urge to cry. He offered an apology for the news, and his voice grew softer, and more compassionate. He wasn’t just giving a result, he was talking to someone, who didn’t expect this news. It was big.

I never wanted to fall into my mother’s arms more than I did then. Unfortunately, she is on another continent. Was there any good news in all this? The aneurysm hadn’t grown between scans, which meant it was stable. In addition, he told me that if I ever felt I was having the worse headache of my life, it was a sign it had ruptured. Medical treatment must be sought immediately. I’m almost positive I had one of those headaches in the recent past. In addition, the condition was caught in time, so it can be dealt with.

I knew I needed prayers. I wasn’t convinced that mine would be enough. No, I needed a small army to offer up supplications to the Lord. On my behalf. So I did something, I’ve never done on social media. I asked for prayers. The outpouring of support was immediate, and overwhelming. Almost two weeks later, almost 100 people have reached out to me, through messages, phone calls, texts and offers to pray for me. I felt supported. I hope the big man is listening.

So now what? I don’t know. All I know is the what ifs are very scary. I also know that I am a very resilient person, and even if I am in uncharted territory, the only thing I can do is push on. To live and do the same things I had planned before I learned of this terrible news. To always have a powerful prayer in my soul asking for the God in Heaven to spare me. And if this is not his will, to give me strong shoulders.

There are many things I want to do. Adventures to have. People to meet and help. Volunteer projects to take part in. Dreams to come through. Clients to help overcome barriers. An aging mom to take care of. Reunions to attend. Books to write. Pretty Muddy events to run. Home to buy. A business to run. History to explore. Charities to start. Loves to discover. The wonders of the world to visit. Hot balloon rides to take. The list is far from exhaustive.

I don’t plan on hiding away, feeling sorry for myself. The first week was the hardest. I cried, and cried some more. I even questioned, why, at a time in my life, when I was doing so good, this should happen. Then I sobered up, put on my big girl panties and got on with it. I still have days when I wrestle with huge decisions. Days when the darkness comes knocking on the doors of my fears. Days when I wished it was something else. Anything other than this. Please.

Self pity will not destroy my spirit, eat away at my soul, and erode my dreams. I do need prayers. I’m not giving up on my dreams. Quite the opposite. If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it. Sometimes, things happen in our lives, because HE wants us to move in a certain direction.

I will do a lot of things differently. For every breath I take, another soul is taking their last. While this year has carried with it, the most challenging times of my life,  there have been some fantastic memories. I can’t and won’t forget them. Each day I rise. I will grind.

 

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

#winning#

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

IMG_1667

Medal Given To Me

With the exception of a few places, I’ve always been commended for a job well done. Sometimes we go from job to job, until we find one that accepts our perfect mix of talents. I find that Welfare to Work is where I have found my niche. Perfect place to go out. Before self employment. I wish to share a recent experience, which has added to a year, shaping up to be one of the best I’ve ever had. A year, where I’ve finally figured out, what I was sent on earth to do.

First, when I lived in the USA, I worked as a Medical Assistant for more than 5 years. I left to study in the UK. I enjoyed that role immensely. Helping people live optimal healthy lives is a rewarding. Patients often expressed gratitude for the smallest allowances. The Christmas gifts were amazing too. Today, more than 5 years later, I stay in regular contact, with people who accompanied me on the incredible journey.

Last month, at the end of our usual monthly office meeting, I was pleased to be recognized as the Gold Medal Performance Quarterly Winner for the programme/department. We have two ongoing Welfare to Work programmes at work. The award recognize that I met and exceeded my targets. I help people overcome barriers to employment; get them back into work, and off benefits. There is great joy in hearing the words:” I found work”.

I have only been at my new role since late July, so to receive the award in September was amazing! To see your name in a company wide email which covers more than 70 offices, was one of the highlights of a year that has gone from bad, to absolutely phenomenal. The next month I received another email inviting me to London to take part in a Gold Performers Highlight meeting. I wasn’t able to attend, but the invitation alone was more than enough.

For years, I moved from job to job, for a myriad of reasons; boredom, lack of opportunity for growth, office politics, you name it. I moved on. I never once regretted my decision. On rare occasions, I would wonder why I was so restless, why I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt for moving on, before giving things a real effort. I left jobs after only a few months. I now know, it was because it felt like work.

I genuinely rejoice in my clients’ success and victories’, regardless of how small. When a client tells me they haven’t had a drink in three weeks, or after 30 years of drinking all day long, they have finally entered rehab, it’s a victory. For some, it could be finally having a CV for the first time in their lives, or learning how to turn on a PC, get off drugs, find any job, even with a criminal record..The list goes on.

I work with people who have incredible struggles. I hear it all day, every day. However, it never gets me down, not one bit. If anything, each day I’m reminded my life isn’t so bad, and more than ever, I want to do all that I can to help them. It’s a rather incredible place to be. After years of thinking I wouldn’t find a place/sector that would catch and hold my interest. I’ve finally arrived. Not a moment too soon.

 

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

It’s Always Darkest Before Dawn

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

Photo:liveluvcreate

I felt compelled to share the precious words of wisdom below. Its my hope, that someone has waited to hear them.

“Your situation will get better. Things always seem far worse than they are, especially at night. But in the morning you will realize your imagination has blown it out of proportion. Always wait for morning to make decisions. If you feel full of worry or apprehension, remember that 99% of what you worry about never happens, and the 1% never is as bad as you thought.

There is a plan for you. There is a reason for what you have experienced and what you will experience, even if you cannot see it now. What you are going through is not without purpose. So trust in the promise that things will get better and that someday you will find a level of gratitude for the events, good and bad, that have shaped you and prepared you for a better future.

So that you will never return to dark places, it is very important that you teach your mind to gravitate to the good that can happen, and already exists around you, not the bad that might happen. Once you are able to do this, your world will change forever for the better.

You have carried this burden long enough. It is time for you to let go … let your mind carry you back to the true and good light”..Energy Artist Julia.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

June. Thank You.

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

177555282_640Photo courtesy Vimeo.com

Readers, I hope you are well. Have you ever had a month so wonderful, you’re not likely to forget it, for as long as you live? I hope so! For me, June was it. At first I thought it was a fluke, but when the incredible things just kept coming, I started to believe. The best month, I’ve had in a long time. Truth be told, my long-term memory is pretty good!

I didn’t forget to count my blessings and express gratitude. Just couldn’t. For, in recent times, I’ve been taken out to the watershed and back. I thrive on optimism, and would like to believe, the tide is finally starting to turn for me. I can only hope, June was the beginning of the exciting things I’ve waited for. Weeks later, I was still buzzing from all the wonderful gifts the universe brought my way.

So, what about June, that makes it so fantastic? Well, for starters, as the universe would have it, I made a significant change to an area of my life. From there on out, things just seem to come together. The fixed contract I was working on ended this month, which meant back into job hunting. During my first interview process, I interviewed for two jobs at the same company. I obviously made an impression, because I was given a choice as to which role, I should take! Nothing like this has ever happened to me before.

Professional accolades continued, as I helped to make history. Right before the contract ended, I attended the company’s AGM. My colleague and I were publicly recognized, for the work we’re doing in Bristol. Furthermore, we worked very hard, and no stone unturned, as we wanted to go out on a high.The result? When the numbers were tallied up, our manager found, that in comparison to the same quarter last year, and with more than twice the number of staff, sales increased by more than 50%.

Continuing with the good stuff, thanks to a government programme, I was finally able to sort out my student loans. This has always been a source of worry, one that would prevent me from accomplishing other goals. Imagine my relief! Onto the other dreams then! On the path to financial freedom, I enrolled on a course, that would help me set up and manage my own business. The fee I paid was a small fraction of the regular price. I also found a mobile phone plan for £13 pcm, in comparison to the £50-60 per month, I paid for the past two years. Increase credit offers also came my way.

I received free upgrades on my broadband and TV plan for six months. Discovered, that for me, metered electricity is the way to go. One day, I got a call from the NHS, offering to move my hospital appointment forward by months. A true godsend, as it takes ages to get one. Following on the heels of this, the appointment letter for the scan I needed, came in about two months later. All good things, when you depend on public health services.

I could go on and on! I must say, that I’m so chuffed with my decision to follow through with lookforthegood.  I honestly can’t wait for January 2016, God’s willing of course. I’m so very grateful and humbled. The rest of the year could go awry, but I will I will never forget June.

Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Be Patient.

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

hl

The article below is the third in a series that I plan to highlight. I have lived it. I am also convinced it WILL help someone else. It’s a re-blog from psychopathfree. The site also has a host of other very helpful articles. In one of the final conversations I had with the narc, he asked me :”Have I broken you?”.

My answer was a simple, honest “Yes”. I was broken, despondent, a shell of the person I once was. Looking back, I’ve wondered why would he ask that? The days and weeks following the separation, was nothing short of incredible. I felt peaceful, contented, and centered. Nothing could have prepared me for the remarkable change! I also knew the road to healing had only just begun.

“Relationships with narcissistic psychopaths take an unusually long time to recover from. Survivors often find themselves frustrated because they haven’t healed as fast as they’d like. They also end up dealing with friends & therapists who give them judgmental advice about how it’s “time to move on”.
Whether you were in a long-term marriage or a quick summer fling, the recovery process will be the same when it comes to a narcissistic psychopathic encounter. It takes 12-24 months to get your heart back in a good place, and even after that, you might have tough days. I certainly do!

The important thing here is to stop blaming yourself. Stop wishing it would go faster. Stop thinking that the narcissistic psychopath somehow “wins” if you’re still hurting. They are out of the picture now. This journey is about you. If you come to peace with the extended timeline, you’ll find this experience a lot more pleasant. You can settle in, make some friends, and get cozy with this whole recovery thing.

So why is it taking so long?

You were in love
Yes, it was manufactured love. Yes, your personality was mirrored and your dreams manipulated. But you were in love. It’s the strongest human emotion & bond in the world, and you felt it with all your heart. It is always painful to lose someone you loved – someone you planned to be with for the rest of your life. The human spirit must heal from these love losses. Regardless of your abuser’s intentions, your love was still very real. It will take a great deal of time and hope to pull yourself out of the standard post-breakup depression.

You were in desperate love
Here’s where we branch off from regular breakups. Narcissistic psychopaths manufacture desperation & desire. You probably worked harder for this relationship than any other, right? You put more time, energy, and thought into it than ever before. And in turn, you were rewarded with the nastiest, most painful experience of your life. In the idealization phase, they showered you with attention, gifts, letters, and compliments. Unlike most honeymoon phases, they actually pretended to be exactly like you in every way. Everything you did was perfect to them. This put you on Cloud 9, preparing you for the identity erosion.

You began to pick up on all sorts of hints that you might be replaced at any time. This encouraged your racing thoughts, ensuring that this person was on your mind every second of the day. This unhinged, unpredictable lifestyle is what narcissistic psychopaths hope to create with their lies, gas-lighting, and triangulation. By keeping them on your mind at all times, you fall into a state of desperate love. This is unhealthy, and not a sign that the person you feel so strongly about is actually worthy of your love. Your mind convinces you that if you feel so powerfully, then they must be the only person who will ever make you feel that way. And when you lose that person, your world completely falls apart. You enter a state of panic & devastation.

The Chemical Reaction

Narcissistic Psychopaths have an intense emotional & sexual bond over their victims. This is due to their sexual magnetism, and the way they train your mind to become reliant upon their approval. By first adoring you in every way, you let down your guard and began to place yourself worth in this person. Your happiness started to rely on this person’s opinion on you. Happiness is a chemical reaction going off in your brain – dopamine and receptors firing off to make you feel good.

Like a drug, the narcissistic psychopath offers you this feeling in full force to begin with. But once you become reliant on it, they begin to pull back. Slowly, you need more and more to feel that same high. You do everything you can to hang onto it, while they are doing everything in their power to keep you just barely starved.

Triangulation

There are thousands of support groups for survivors of infidelity. It leaves long-lasting insecurities and feelings of never being good enough. It leaves you constantly comparing yourself to others. That pain alone takes many people out there years to recover from.

Now compare that to the narcissistic psychopath’s triangulation. Not only do they cheat on you – they happily wave it in your face. They brag about it, trying to prove how happy they are with your replacement. They carry none of the usual shame & guilt that comes with cheating. They are thrilled to be posting pictures and telling their friends how happy they are. I cannot even begin to explain how emotionally damaging this is after once being the target of their idealization. The triangulation alone will take so much time to heal from.

Everything you once understood about people did not apply to this person. During the relationship, you tried to be compassionate, easy-going, and forgiving. You never could have known that the person you loved was actively using these things against you. It just doesn’t make any sense. No typical person is ready to expect that, and so we spend our time projecting a normal human conscience onto them, trying to explain away their inexplicable behaviour.

But once we discover psychopathy, sociopathy, or narcissism, that’s when everything starts to change. We begin to feel disgusted – horrified that we let this darkness into our lives. Everything clicks and falls into place. All of the “accidental” or “insensitive” behavior finally makes sense. You try to explain this to friends and family members – no one really seems to get it. This is why validation matters. When you come together with others who have experienced the same thing as you, you discover you were not crazy. You were not alone in this inhuman experience.

It takes a great deal of time to come to terms with this personality disorder. You end up having to let go of your past understanding of human nature, and building it back up from scratch. You realize that people are not always inherently good. You begin to feel paranoid, hyper-vigialant, and anxious. The healing process is about learning to balance this new state of awareness with your once trusting spirit.

Your spirit is deeply wounded

After the eventual abandonment, most survivors end up feeling a kind of emptiness that cannot even be described as depression. It’s like your spirit has completely gone away. You feel numb to everything and everyone around you. The things that once made you happy now make you feel absolutely nothing at all. You worry that your encounter with this monster has destroyed your ability to empathize, feel and care.

I believe this is what takes the longest time to recover from. It feels hopeless at first, but your spirit is always with you. Damaged, for sure, but never gone. As you begin to discover self-respect & boundaries, it slowly starts to find its voice again. It feels safe opening up, peeking out randomly to say hello. You will find yourself grateful to be crying again, happy that your emotions seem to be returning. This is great, and it will start to become more and more consistent.

Ultimately, you will leave this experience with an unexpected wisdom about the people around you. Your spirit will return stronger than ever before, refusing to be treated that way again. You may encounter toxic people throughout your life, but you won’t let them stay for very long. You don’t have time for mind games & manipulation. You seek out kind, honest, and compassionate individuals. You know you deserve nothing less.

This new found strength is the greatest gift of the psychopathic experience. And it is worth every second of the recovery process, because it will serve you for the rest of your life.

If you’re worried that your recovery process is taking too long, please stop worrying. You’ve been through hell and back – there is no quick fix for that. And what’s more, when all is said and done, these few years will be some of the most important years of your life”.

 
Until the next post,

Best,

Juan

Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist: The Addiction to Bonding with Our Abusers

Published on by gamechangerjoLeave a comment

I often wondered why I seem to be “addicted” to my narcissistic ex. I loved him. Deeply. And we shared some truly amazing times together. Often though, and because of all that happened, I became hyper vigilant. On more than one occasion, he accused me of being obsessed with him. And he was right. To a degree. I drove myself sick with worry and paranoia. I found myself doing and saying things, that was totally out of character. As the saying goes, when you go looking for things, you wont like what you find. So it was with us. I was so disgusted with my behavior, that I brought the matter to the attention of my therapist. His response? The behavior was characteristic of people who had gone through the same experience.

Then I came upon the article below, also written by Shahida Ariba. Read the post before this one, and it will make things clearer. I must have re read items 1-4 more than 10 times. Now, I understand why I was willing to accept intermittent rewards, the constant switching between hot and cold, withholding of affection. The days and nights spent alone with no contact. Many of you might not relate to this post. It’s for me really. A reminder of how I desperately tried to put the pieces of my life back together. How I tried to understand what got me to such a dark place in my life. There are so many deep-seated, long-standing issues that needs to be dealt with. In comparison to the changes that need to take place, it’s still early days yet. See you on the other side.

Until the next post,

 

Best,

 

Juan

 

selfcarehaven's avatarSelf-Care Haven by Shahida Arabi

connection-647206_1280

Your Brain on Love, Sex and the Narcissist: The Addiction to Bonding with our Abusers

by Shahida Arabi

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse are confounded by the addiction they feel to the narcissist, long after the abusive relationship took a toll on their physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Make no mistake: recovery from an abusive relationship can be very similar to withdrawal from drug addiction due to the biochemical bonds we may develop with our toxic ex-partners.

Understanding why we are addicted permits us recognize that our addiction is not about the merits of the narcissist, but rather the nature and severity of the trauma we’ve experienced. It enables us to detach and move forward with powerful knowledge that can propel us towards greater agency and healthier relationships than the ones we’ve experienced in the past. In addition, it challenges the victim-blaming discourse in society that prevents many abuse survivors from gaining…

View original post 1,583 more words